Robbin' Banks All Whacked Out on Scooby Snacks

After 5 years in the teller biz I finally faced the big "R"

Friday is generally the busiest day of the week at the credit union. On July 16, I showed up at work at 9:30 a.m. The CU had been open for an hour but it was still looking pretty slow--only one car in the drive-thru and a few in the parking lot. I took my usual Friday morning position at the drive-thru backup station next to Tiffany.

At about 10 a.m. I was helping someone in the second drive-thru lane and gossiping with Tiffany when I heard "you know what the #$&* to do!" come from somewhere behind me. The obscenity caught my attention. It is not uncommon for a member to get upset with us—people yell and swear and storm off.

I turned around to see what the fuss was about. There was a guy standing right behind me up on the teller line. I saw a gun, a bandana and Jamaal's drawer being emptied. My first thought was "are you serious?" My second thought was "this seems pretty serious."

The robber was wearing a tan fisherman hat, sunglasses and a red bandana tied around his nose and mouth like he was an old west bandit. He was wearing a green flannel shirt and white batting gloves. He was pointing a gun at Jamaal and told all of us to go stand "over there." He used the gun to gesture toward the front door.

The robber was standing right behind Jamaal when I turned around

While he seemed to be making this statement to Jamaal, Lisa and Chelsea (the three tellers he was facing) I figured there was no point in me sticking around up there on the teller line. Tiffany and I followed the others and walked down from the teller line to the front door.

As we were walking I was very deliberately trying to make sure that Mistie and LoyDean, who were sitting in the desks in the lobby, were aware of what was going. They saw all of walking away from the teller line and saw what was going on. Other workers, however, didn’t catch on so quickly. Jayme Webber was walking to LoyDean’s when she saw all of us standing by the door. She said, “What are you guys doing?” It was just in a regular voice, but in the silence of the moment it seemed like she was yelling. We nodded toward the action. “Are we getting robbed?!” Again, in a much too loud voice. Thank you, Jayme, for stating the obvious.

It was really surreal. We just stood by the door, watching the robber clear out all of our drawers. The first thing that popped into my mind was wondering what personal items I had up there at my station. I have my teller money in the top drawer and I generally put my personal stuff i.e. my wallet, keys, cell phone and sometimes my iPod in the drawer directly below. I very clearly remember thinking "I hope my iPod's not up there!" [I think Traci found that really disturbing when I told her I was thinking about my iPod. I think it confirmed her theory my CDs are my most valuable possesion--but it's not like I had Traci stashed away in that drawer.]

We didn’t have to lie on the floor, we weren’t tied up and the guy didn’t even tell us to be quiet. We decided to be quiet of our own accord, thinking it was probably our safest course of action. You don’t really want to disturb someone wearing a mask and holding a gun.

After he had cleared out all of the drawers he walked right toward us on his way to the door. My heart started beating faster as he got closer. “Count to 10 and then do your thing,” was all he said as he left the building.

Thanks to the quick thinking of our assistant manager, LoyDean, we all headed to the window in Kim’s office to see if we could see which way he was heading. He got into a green Chevy Blazer that was parked directly in front of the window where we were standing. I was thinking “I wonder if he can see us all looking at him. Is he going to shoot us through the window if he sees us?” We got his license plate number and watched him casually drive through the parking lot. Mistie had already locked the doors to the building and it was time to figure out what to do next.

The Robber came up to the teller line through this entrance

Post Robbery

We all stood there a bit stunned, but I guess our bi-annual robbery training was in our heads somewhere. Someone got out the suspect description forms and we started filling them out. Both LoyDean and Mistie had already pushed their alarm buttons and someone was on the phone with the police.

As the girls immediately started chattering, I tried to focus my mind and write down everything that I could remember. It amazed me that after staring so intently at this guy, the second he left all of my memory was all mixed up. For example, I was sure I had seen his eyes. I thought they were brown. Every other employee wrote that he was wearing sunglasses.

Though my sense of time was all mixed up, I think it was probably about five or ten minutes before the cops showed up and started handing out more description forms. It was nothing like CSI Miami (oh, what a let down). No one was looking for prints, taking photos or looking for strands of DNA. The FBI showed up a few minutes later and gave us some more forms to fill out. One by one they interviewed each of us and let us give our version of the story. I was hoping to impress them with my impeccable recollection of the event, but I couldn’t really tell him much more than what I am sure everyone else had said. There really wasn’t much to tell. The guy was so covered that none of us could even identity his skin color. I heard him utter two sentences. He came in, took the money and left. There wasn’t much else to say. I am sure that Horatio Cane and his CSI crew would disagree. They would let the evidence do the talking.

A few minutes later the CEO of Cyprus and one of the vice presidents (my neighbor Brett Hales) showed up. I thought it was funny that it took a bank robbery for CEO Dale Catten to come out to our branch and meet some of our employees for the first time. Our piece of crap HR director showed up as well. He’s never around when you need him and now he’s here when we don’t. He was in charge of arranging a counseling session. I told him that I thought he should arrange some pizza. He agreed. 

Robbery Pizza Party

We were closed from about 10 a.m. until a little after 2 p.m. During that time we had a sign up on the front door that said "Temporarily Closed." I am sure that Cyprus Credit Union members rival some of the dumbest people in this universe. People kept walking up to the door, looking at the sign, pulling on the door handle, realizing it was locked, looking at the sign again, and then pulling on the door one more time. Those that pressed their faces to the door could see that we were in the back eating pizza. Closed for a pizza party! What are they doing?!

Lunch time was a chance for all of us to relieve the tension a bit. We could all discuss our version of the story. It seemed like most people were dealing with everything pretty well. There was a lot of joking around. I could tell that Jamaal was a bit shaken up. He had the first and closest contact with the guy. Lisa, who was sitting next to Jamaal was really upset. She cried and cried through her interview with the feds. She went home before the counselor showed up and didn’t come back to work the next day.

The pizza party also served as a buffer time between the robbery and when the robbery counselor was able show up. At about 1 p.m. a gray-haired man with soft features and listening eyes arrived to talk to us. We all sat in a circle while he explained that the most important thing for us to do was to find someone who willing to just let us talk. He also said that after something traumatic happens people often go into shock and it takes a few days before the true emotions start to come out. He had each person in the circle tell what they thought and felt and the time of the robbery and what they felt now that a few hours had passed.

At 2 p.m. we had to open up the doors again and get back to work. It was a little bit weird to go back up to my station and see that there was no money in the drawer. I think it was a good idea, though, to just jump back into the game rather than to have more time to think about it.

The next day I headed off to San Diego for a family vacation. I am sure that there was lots of talk going around the credit union. It’s good when we have something to talk about—it keeps work interesting—but I’m not sad that I missed it. I was relaxing on the beach and it was about the furthest thing from my thoughts.

So after five years of tellering, I’ve now been robbed. I guess I can go get a new job and feel like I’ve had a fulfilling career. 

California Love

 We have returned home from our trip with Traci's family to Oceanside, California. No one got disowned or divorced and everyone is still speaking. It was a successful vacation.

The trip was pretty relaxed. We stayed in a 3-bedroom condo right on the beach. Drew tried to keep the planning to a minimum, which was nice. We spent most of our time just hanging out on the beach or at the pool.

Despite the usual hang-ups of family vacation, the trip went smoothly. For example, Traci got mad at Tim and told him to "stop thinking that he knows everything" and he told her to "go play in traffic." There were a few near misses like Jillian's bladder almost exploding before we got to a gas station bathroom, Traci's two pair of missing sunglasses and both rental cars getting all scraped up.

Despite any struggles, at the end of the day--both figuratively and literally--we all sleep soundly. For Tim and Jillian that meant cell phones lying next to their heads and having sweet dreams of text messaging. For Traci and me it meant enjoying time away from the daily grind. It was nice to be away and now it's back to the working man blues

Warped Tour 2004

Tyler McHenry documents a day of walking back and forth at punk rock's traveling festival

Brett Gurewitz performs onstage with Bad Religion

After missing out on Millencolin in 1997, I knew it would be important to arrive at the fairgrounds before the noon start time of Warped Tour 2004. My veteran instinct led us to cut to the front of the line, wiping out the two hour wait which could have been fatal.

Gone are the days of the two stage setup; this musical circus brings seven stages with bands playing on any of four stages at any given time. The sets are even shorter now as each band--including the headliners--is allocated thirty minutes to perform their trick. Considering the doors opened at noon, I found it odd that Red West took the stage at 11:30.

The schedule looked pretty good for my tastes, the only major scheduling conflict was that Motion City Soundtrack played at 4:15, while The Alkaline Trio started at 3:30 and Bad Religion was slated to begin at 4:00. Thinking that the first big band didn't hit the stage until 12:45, I made my way around the venue. Arriving at the Volcom stage, a familiar voice rang in my ear. Pulley was already rocking out. Looking up at the schedule, it read Pulley 1:30. As I caught the last three songs of their set, I realized that I was one of the few onlookers who even knew who Pulley was. Scott Radinski belted out one of the great Epitaph classics "Cashed In," to end the set and I was a freshman in college all over again.

Rise Against seemed to have a large following, and looked to be one of the favorites on this year's tour. Ripping through their set with "Blood, Red, White, Blue," and "Like the Angel," Rise Against pleased the punk and the hardcorist alike. Making my way across the park, Story of the Year was ending their set with the radio hits. A lackluster performance was epitomized by the comment, "We are here to have fun, not fight. Godsmack is not here today, people." SOTY is the stereotypical band that kids listen to for about a year and then drop.

The show was still in its early stages, and the people kept filing in like the punk rock sheep they are. Back to the east side, Thursday was really getting the crowd going. They were playing really tight and sounded excellent. Impressive tracks included, "Understanding in a Car Crash," and "Autobiography of a Nation." Leaving their set a little early, I headed over to see the beloved Bouncing Souls. The band looked the same, except that Greg now has long hair with red patches scattered around his head. Warming up the crowd with "Ole'," the Souls seemed to be excited to be back in SLC. They followed that up with "Say Anything," "Hopeless Romantic," and "The Ballad of Johnny X." After busting out into "Kate is Great," the punk rocker in me couldn't hold back and I entered the circle pit. The Bouncing Souls continued to rock like it was 1998 all over again. The fun continued with "That Song," "Anchors Aweigh," and "True Believers." The set ended with a surprising rendition of "Night on Earth." The Bouncing Souls again proved that they are kings of the live performance.

Greg leads Bouncing Souls fans in a punk rock sing along

Another trek across the fairgrounds led me to the presence of Yellowcard. I had never seen them live, but was quite impressed. As expected, they had drawn the majority of the festival's crowd. Busting out all the hits, both soft and hard, the band mixed it up well and didn't disappoint.

As NOFX began their set, it was time to sit down and rest [EDITOR'S NOTE: NOFX and Rancid are bands that no matter how many times we've them, we've never watched their set]. Warped Tour provided a great sprinkler area to cool off in this year. A refreshing break from the warm sun was all I needed to gain my second wind. One of the major themes of this year's tour was an Anti-Bush sentiment. Almost all of the bands made known their disagreement with Bush's policy and direction during this time of conflict. NOFX even finished their set with a rousing number called, "Idiot Son of an Asshole," which is all about our current president. To nobody's surprise, Anti-Flag played some songs dedicated to the man in charge as well. At this point in the day, I decided to browse each band's tent and merchandise, which led me to miss out on Coheed and Cambria. This was okay because I had to get myself into perfecting listening position for The Alkaline Trio. Rumor has it that the Trio do not perform their best on the Warped Tour, and now I can attest to this. Coming out to play "We've Had Enough," the Trio said very little during their set. They were also playing with a mysterious fourth member. Alternating singers after each song, they continued with "Maybe I'll Catch Fire," the new song "Warbrain," and "Emma." Some of the tracks ending the performance included, "My Friend Peter," "Nose Over Tail," and "This Could be Love." Their performance was pretty poor and lacked a lot of energy. Sprinting away disappointed, I knew Greg Graffin and Co. were going to make things better.

Bad Religion started off with the new stuff by playing, "Sinister Rouge." To make things even nicer, Brett Gurewitz had joined his friends today. From then on, the band didn't stop playing. "Atomic Garden," "Supersonic," "American Jesus," "Infected," and "You" left all of us wanting more. Two more new songs followed "Let Them Eat War," and "God's Love." Graffin made an unnecessary comment about the Mormon garment as the set rolled forward. "Recipe for Hate," "21st Century Digital Boy," and "Sorrow" concluded another stellar performance by the ageless ones. Knowing that this would most likely be the last time seeing the legends, I cherished this moment.

The sun and the heat were finally taking their toll on my body. I knew I had to persevere. Senses Fail were already halfway through their set, but they were rivaling Bad Religion. Looks like Vagrant records have found themselves another gem. Stopping by the Epitaph tent, I realized something very upsetting to the stomach--Motion City Soundtrack had in fact played at 2:15 and not 4:15 as first posted at the entry. Knowing that during this time I was just resting made me upset because I was really hoping to see them. The newest problem with Warped Tour is that it has become too big. Wanting to see everything, and not being able to, is quite frustrating.

Hoping to avoid New Found Glory as much as possible, I waited patiently at one of the smaller stages for Hidden in Plain View. This was a bold move on my part, but it paid great dividends. HIPV were one of the top acts of the day. I'd be happy to support them on their next visit to the Lake town. Apparently on the other side, Flogging Molly was entertaining everybody with their Irish jigs and drinking songs as well. I really don't think I missed out.

The day was coming to a close as we prepared to see Taking Back Sunday. Right before they come out, the rain started to come down. TBS proved to be strong as well, as the music rang true through the downpour. It was one of those times that you'd like to see a full set from a band, rather than the 30 minute tease which is offered at the yearly festival. As the rain began to fall harder, it was time to go home. Few people would stick around to watch The Vandals this day.

Hup Holland Hup!

The European Cup (EK) is a big deal for soccer fans. It's the second biggest tournament after the World Cup. It is held every four years; in 2000 it was in Holland and the Dutch people went absolutely crazy. There was soccer stuff in every window, every street had Dutch flags and people even painted their houses orange. I'm not kidding. There were entire streets of orange houses!

Since I was living in Holland in 2000, I had the chance to see the "oranje gekte" (the orange craziness) first hand. Missionary work, much like everything in Europe, has to be put on hold when soccer is happening. We watched a lot of the games and pretty soon I had my face painted orange and RB was wearing his Snickers Lucky Pants underwear over his proselyting clothes. We had the fever.

Here we are four years later and it’s time for Euro 2004 in Portugal. Because RB loves soccer, he decided to shell out the money so we could watch the tournament on pay-per-view. (Americans don’t like soccer so the EK is not on free TV.) We figured that since we were probably the only two Dutch soccer fans on this continent it was important that we showed our support.

This was going to require a lot of trickery--like me sneaking away from my job at the Community College or RB talking his lab boss into watching the game with us instead of saving the human race through the genetic mumbo-jumbo that they do there.

None of this would have been very noteworthy, however, if it wasn’t for the timing. Right in the middle of the tournament RB’s wife was to bear him a son—very sweet of her. I quickly got the impression, however, that RB was going to make sure that not even a new baby was going to interfere with us watching soccer.

Little Calvin Benjamin Jones was born on Friday, June 25. That worked out perfectly. Carolee was able to watch Holland beat Latvia with us on the 23rd, she was still in the hospital on Saturday the 26th and allowed RB to take his “dinner break” at 7 p.m. so we could watch Holland beat Sweden on penalty kicks, and she was back home with the newest member of the family for the semifinal match against Portugal on the 30th.

Portugal ended up beating Holland. We were a little upset, but were not forced to lose our testimonies of Dutch soccer like the millions of supporters in Holland. It was good times. I got to enjoy the games with the ever-revolving cast of those that frequent the Jones’ residence: Tim, Stew, RB’s boss, Carolee’s family, some kid from Missouri, etc. I got to have the heartfelt, soul searching conversations that I love to have with RB, all fit in amongst cell phone calls, emails, visitors and free kicks. Heel gezellig.

It is important to get the good times in while they’re still to be had. Jones will be moving back to Missouri in a few months, which makes me sad. But, who knows where life will lead us in the four years between now and Euro 2008.

Pedro the Lion: Live at Club Sound

Pedro, Pedro, Pedro. I have been waiting for this show for months. My expectations for a great night were increased by the fact that I am going to miss this year's Warped Tour, and this show would have to fill that void. I wasn't disappointed.

For whatever reason, the show was moved from In the Venue (formerly Brick's) to Club Sounds. Bricks subdivided its space into two venues. In the Venue is for the larger shows and Club Sounds the smaller. The show was scheduled for 7:30. I showed up at 8 p.m. and the line was all the way down the street. I waited in line for about a 45 minutes before being herded into the very small, packed club.

John Vanderslice was the opening act. In preparation for the show I have been listening to a few JV albums. I got curious because I absolutely fell in love with the first JV song I ever heard. An ode to his four-track recorder, "My 424" has become a staple in my mix rotations. Unfortunately, I find the rest of JV's music (and mostly his voice) to be overdramatic and kind of boring. To my disappointment, Vanderslice played no "My 424" leaving me annoyed that I had anxiously waited through his set to hear my favorite song in vain. I was, however, slightly entertained by his 50-year-old organ player who had a gray Brigham Young beard and a beanie on the top of his head that made him look like a Keebler Elf.

Pedro took the stage at about 9:45 and played until the 11 p.m. curfew. It was good from start to finish. The band opened up with "Never Leave a Job Half Done" and "The Fleecing" and continued through a very healthy mix of songs from all of their albums.

After every few songs, lead Singer David Bazan would ask the crowd if they hand any questions. Fans would raise their hands and he would call on them. He fielded questions regarding his respect for women, his Mac computer preference and his musical inspirations. When asked who he preferred -- Michelle Branch or Vanessa Carlton -- he paused and then replied, "I don't know who that is."

It was the interaction with the crowd that really set this show apart. Bazan answered every question and even catcalls quite seriously. When someone shouted a request for "Priests and Paramedics" he answered, "At this point in the evening I think we know which songs we are planning to play, but thank you."

Pedro played "Options" for the "redheaded guy who knocked on the window of our van and requested it." It was wonderful. The other numbers from Control, "Rapture" and "Penetration" were also highlights of the evening. Fans also got the hits from It's Hard to Find a Friend: "Big Trucks," "Bad Diary Days," and "Of Minor Prophets and their Prostitute Wives." They even did a straightforward cover of Radiohead's "Let Down."

Before the last song, David Bazan told the crowd that he had some serious things that he needed to say. He talked about growing up and feeling that America was a great place, where the idea of "empire first" had been done away with. He continued that he has come to find this to be untrue, with the same raping and pillaging for personal gain to still be the mode of operation in the United States. He said it was important to read, to talk to people, to get informed and to vote.

The band ended with the very beautiful "The Secret of the Easy Yoke" which just about made me cry. There was no encore. There was nothing they could have done to improve on the perfect set.

I found David Bazan in outside of the club talking to a few kids after the show. He sat and talked to a group of us about politics and the state of our country for a half hour or so, showing the connection his has with his fans goes beyond the confines of performer and audience.

Arrested Development

In case you were curious, Arrested Development is the funniest show on television. It is regularly shown Sunday nights at 8:30, but has been on at different times lately.

It is the story of the Bluth family. The father, George Bluth, is in jail after committing corporate fraud. His son Michael has taken over the company. This is the world's most dysfunctional family. A few examples:

Dr. Tobias Funke is married into the Bluth family. He quit his job as a psychiatrist to become an actor. He thought he was taking an acting job and ended up on a boat full of gay pirates.

Buster Bluth still lives with his mother, Lucille. To make her jealous he has fallen in love with their neighbor, who is also named Lucille, played by Liza Minnelli.

George-Michael is the family's straight-shooter. He loves the family and loves his cousin, Maeby, a bit too much.

Make sure to the check out the show. For more background go to http://www.fox.com/arresteddev/

Raves: The Killers - Hot Fuss

Killers
Hot Fuss

It’s embarrassing enough to get introduced to a new band by MTV and it’s even harder to admit it. I’m swallowing my pride. I first saw “Somebody Told Me” by the Killers while I was in San Diego (we don’t have cable at our house). I thought it was a pretty good little tune and I am a sucker for the Moog (click here for more info on the Moog) sounds.

The Killers bring the 80’s electronic beats and sounds of Depeche Mode or Duran Duran and mix it with a bit more updated alternative rock. Their album Hot Fuss is not a masterpiece, but there are some really solid tracks. I list it here as a rave for the following reasons:

1. When I hear the repeated line “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier” I find myself marching/dancing while I’m mowing my front lawn (the neighbors love it).
2. Most of the tunes cause me to play air keyboard (anyone can cause you to play air guitar, you have to be really hip to make people rock out to your keyboard).
3. The song title “Mr. Brightside” is pretty close to “Mr. Blue Skies,” and that’s a great song.

I am a sucker for bands that kind of sound like the Cure. So if you like the Cure, you may as well give the Killers a try.

*The Moog is an analog keyboard that makes wacky sounds. Check out "Return of the Rentals for a good example.