Avril Breaks My Heart

Rumor has it that Avril Lavigne is engaged to that troll Deryck Whibley from Sum 41. While all of Canada rejoices, I cry a thousand tears. Oh Avril, why'd ya have to go and make things so complicated?

Oh, Those Mormon Hipsters

Rolling Stone had this as an inset to their article about the Brandon Flowers, the born-and-raised-Mormon-in-Payson lead singer of the Killers. I was sad not to see our buddy Chris Wilson of Good Charlotte fame. Oh, and I guess Gladys Knight isn't as hip as Bert McCracken. Click on the picture to see a readable, full-size image.

Where's a Camera When You Need One

Now, I must say that I am disappointed. Yahoo reported a story about Snapple trying to erect a 17 1/2 ton popsicle in New York. The popsicle melted before it was supposed to and it "flood[ed]Union Square in downtown Manhattan with pink fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground." You can't tell a story like that and not put any pictures with it! I want to see people covered in popsicle!

Errors in Communication...

For those of you who have ever gotten a haircut that you didn't ask for...

Errors in Communication Between My Hairdresser and Me,in the Form of What I Said and What He Heard.
BY JEZ BURROWS [from McSweeny's]
- - - -
"Just a little off the length, and a little thinned out?"
"Could you make me look like a clown's apprentice?"
- - - -
"A little shorter, thanks."
"I want the style that would emerge if you combined all three of Charlie's Angels."
- - - -
"Just the usual—little shorter and thinner."
"You know when you have a bubble bath and you shape it all around your head? I want it like that."
- - - -
"If you could take some of the width off, that'd be great."
"If you could make it hard for me to appear in public, that'd be great."
- - - -
"Of course it isn't OK—you've disfigured me beyond repair. I look like a mushroom."
"That's perfect. Take my money."

No Escape from Camping

Oh, karma. Somehow during the three months that I served as Scoutmaster I never had to go on a campout. Well, after a year and half in the Elders Quorum, I just got put back into the Young Men's Presidency. You can't escape camping forever - of course one week into this new calling I was asked to go on a campout.

So this past Friday night I took the Varsity and Explorer scouts to our stake property for an overnighter. It was all good because Ghetto Superstar Richard Seiger was in charge. That boy likes to keep camping simple:

Dinner = stop at the Wendy's in Park City
Breakfast = donuts and bagels

This was the first time that I've slept in a tent since '97. When I woke up in the morning I was surprised not to see Jason Young, Bert Smith or Andy Klc.

We spent 3 hours building a horseshoe pit as a service project. When we got done we asked the boys if they wanted to play some horseshoes. "No, not really," they all mumbled. Hooray for teenage apathy.

Walmart hearts Nazi Advertising

I love this. Walmart's PR director over AZ and So Cal recently resigned after backlash against the company's "Nazi" ad. According to a CNN article:

"An ad last month in the Arizona Daily Sun in Flagstaff showed a picture of a Nazi book-burning and compared such censorship to a local proposition that would limit expansion of Wal-Mart's supercenters. "

"Should the goverment tell us what we should read?" What a headline! Walmart doesn't want the man telling us what we can read, because they want to tell us. Walmart refuses to carry all sort of books and won't sell CDs that have explicit lyric stickers.

Weren't the Nazis bad because they wanted to run everything and stomp out any competition? Maybe this ad was a good fit for Walmart.

Looks Like I Won the War

My battle with Real Salt Lake has ended. I received a package in the mail the other day. To my surprise, it was two Real Salt hats.

Though they were absolute jerks in person, and they lied to me via email, at least the front office folks finally got around to making it right. And hey, they don't quit on trying to push season tickets.

After I got the hats I sent them an email thanking them for following up. Here's what they sent back:

"Thank you for letting us know where we had made a mistake. Consider buying a flex plan from JC so we can count you in the RSL family, officially."

Wow, I can't wait to become a member of that dysfunctional family.

Another Reason to Avoid Mowing the Lawn

This is the grossest thing I've read today.

The Best Thing about Holland

What's the best thing about Holland? The tulips? The windmills? The legalized marijuana, prostitution, euthanasia, and gay marriage? Nope. The best thing about Holland is that the sports broadcasters on NOS (Holland's national TV station) look like this: