Friday, December 31, 2004

The Day I Became a Man

If only I'd had my camera, if only I'd had my camera. Why didn't I have my camera? Now no one's going to believe me.

I became a man yesterday. I have two days off between the end of my time at Cyprus and starting my job at the Community College. I was planning on using it to work on my album, but decided a rite of passage was more important.

I drove down to Highland to work on my car with Hot Rod Aficionado Jonny Wix. Because, believe it or not, I never took shop class in high school, he was going to show me how to change my oil, transmission fluid and coolant.

The adventure began with a trip to the parts store in Pleasant Grove(take a left at the store with the bombs in front), where I felt like I was in Mansville--dudes in there, just shootin' the bull. It was like I was on King of Hill.

When we got back to the house I got to put on some cover-alls so we could get down to business. I found that just being in cover-alls increases your manliness at least 10 percent. When I actually got under the car, my manliness jumped another 50 percent, and when I opened that oil drain plug it went through the roof. The level dropped slightly after Wicks inspected the work I had done on installing the new filter and told me I had done it wrong.

After about an hour and a half (of Wicks' incredible patience) we were finished. I squirmed my way out of the cover-alls and went inside to eat a microwavable chimmy-changa. I had become a man. Boy, was it sweet.

Friday, December 24, 2004

The Nutcracker

Before television, people were forced to use their imagination for entertainment. The result: stories of nutcracker men coming to life to lead an army of humans to victory over a group of insurgent super-mice. And "The Nutcracker" is a story for little girls everywhere, go figure.

I experienced "The Nutcracker" for my first time last night. There was lots of leaping, twirling and men wearing tights so tight that their butt cracks were still easily discernible from our nose-bleed seats. While the music was good, I was unable to get past the tights. So very tight.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

What an Uneventful Year

What a struggle! I searched through my entire iPod to find some hits from 2004. Next to nothing. There were a lot of albums that I was excited about, only to be disappointed after a few listens. There were also a few that I was sincerely excited about, but then realized they were released in 2003. So, here's my meager list:

Top Albums of 2004

1. Pedro the Lion--Achilles' Heel
2. Jimmy Eat World--Futures
3. The Killers--Hot Fuss
4. The Streets--A Grand Don't Come for Free

(I couldn't even come up with five.)

Top Disappointments

1. Bad Religion--The Empire Strikes First
2. Cake--Pressure Chief
3. Travoltas--High School Reunion
4. Voodoo Glow Skulls--Adiccion, Tradicion Y Revolucion

Let's cross our fingers for 2005.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Starry Eyed

My television debut was aired yesterday morning. I snuck away from my duties at the drive-thru window to check it out in the break room. I had originally planned on gathering all of my credit union coworkers to watch it with me, but I changed my mind. If I was going to look like an idiot I wanted to see it by myself first.

It was pretty good. I realized two things, though:

1. My voice is gayer than I thought
2. I need to start going to the tanning salon. I was incredibly pale.

Now to begin a career in television...

Friday, December 17, 2004

The Apprentice, Begging the Question...

Last night was the Apprentice finale, forcing all viewers to ask the question: Who cares?

Due to other engagements I was only able to watch the second hour of the three-hour bore-fest. The incredibly unnecessary time with the live audience was so uninteresting that I was reduced to watching the PBS documentary "When Hippos Fight."

Thanks Donald, your bloated finale was a great ending to a completely lackluster season. Can't wait for Apprentice 3!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Would you like fries with that?

Vegans everywhere REJOICE! Finally, a movie that tries to show us carnivores not that meat is murder, but suicide. In response to recent court rulings stating that you can't sue McDonald's for making you fat, "Super Size Me" documentarist Morgan Spurlock becomes a human experient to see exactly what fast food does to a person. Rules of the experiment:

1) No options: he could only eat what was available over the counter (water included!)
2) No supersizing unless offered
3) No excuses: he had to eat every item on the menu at least once.

Spurlock follows these rules, eating three meals a day for 30 days exclusively at McDonalds. The result: he went from weighing 185 lbs to 210. His cholesterol went through the roof and his liver turned to one big piece of fat.

Traci and I watched as morning, noon and night Spurlock shoved McDonald's into his face. The highlight of the documentary was on day two, after eating 3/4th of his meal, Spurlock leans out of his car window and throws up everywhere. Fortunately, the movie was not always this graphic, but I did to cover my eyes during the shots of the gastric bypass surgery.

The moral of the story is not just that Americans are fat and that they eat too much fast food. It also gives insight into the fast food-ization of America’s youth. If you eat start eating at the Taco Bell or Pizza Hut (conveniently located inside of the school), of course you are not going to go off to college, or get married and want to sit down and cook something healthy for dinner. The problem is just going to get worse.

By the end of the movie, I think each of us had made a silent promise to never eat fast food again.

The next day I called my sister. She said she and my other sister were taking their kids to McDonald’s for lunch and that we could meet them if we wanted. Well, of course we wanted to come hang out with the kids.

We walked into McDonald’s less than 12 hours after seeing “Super Size Me.” How would this documentary affect us as we were standing there, face to face with Ronald McDonald himself? The moment of truth had come. Dunn, dunn, dunnnnn.....

Traci ordered a McFlurry and I had a hamburger and some fries.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Sell My Old Clothes, I’m off to Hollywood!

I made my television debut this morning and all modesty aside, I am pretty sure that I am going to be the next big thing.

I had the chance to do a little 2 ½ minute interview on a little public service announcement show called “Our Town” on KSL. The Community College is doing a fundraiser to raise money for a new health science building by selling scrubs and science lab beakers.

I accompanied the Fundraising Director, Rick Bouillion. He was looking sharp in a tie and a sport coat, while I was half-prop, wearing a pair of the scrubs.

The excitement of the experience lay solely in the experience. We sat in a foyer for about 45 minutes and then we walked into the studio, talked for 3 minutes and then went back home. However, for someone who’s never been on TV, it was pretty cool.

The actual interview was kind of a blur (though I will be able to relive it when the show airs December 20th at 9:55 a.m. and again at noon) and I think I said something about how much the beakers cost and the scrubs are pretty comfortable. I am a little nervous that when I watch it I am going to feel (and look) like a total idiot.

After our two minutes of fame, Shelly Osterloh said, “Thanks guy, that’s was great.” The true meaning, though, was “you guys were the last recording of the day. Get out of here so I can go home.”

I’ve decided to go into television as a celebrity.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Hollywood Ahoy!

I'm gonna be on TV tomorrow. This is going to be my first step toward fame and fortune, I'm sure.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Iron Lion Zion

To counteract the dismal nature of winter in Utah, I have spent the past week straight listening to Bob Marley. I figure that if you combine the tropical Jamaican sounds with the 15 degree Utah winter it averages out to a temperate 60 degree climate.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

It's Christmas Time...Again

Christmas is officially here. How do I know this? Today is the first day of Christmas music hell at Cyprus Credit Union. My boss loves Christmas music. She's been listening to it in her office since October. But today is the first day of having to listen to it throughout the branch.

We have a Muzak satellite which delivers just one Christmas station. What that means is that you get about 4-5 hours of music before the thing repeats. For further annoyance, there are only about two hours of Christmas music in this world, so you hear about 15 versions of "Santa Baby" every day--none of which is worse than the awful, awful David Lee Roth version.

In about two weeks from now I will have gone absolutely nuts and I will have heard "Hey Santa" (officially the worst Christmas song of all time) nearly two million times. I will become so disgruntled that I will not allow my wife to listen to Christmas music around me.

Bah Humbug.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

The String Cheese Incident

I was doing my hometeaching last night (yes, it was the last day of the month) and I heard quite an appetizing story. I asked the usual question, “So how’s everything going?”

“Well,” the woman responded, “I’ve got this big boil thing on my neck. I have to squeeze it every night. This yellow stuff comes out, and it looks like string cheese. It smells awful!”

Hmmm. Sweet.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Robbery Update

I had to come to the credit union at 7 a.m. today for our quarterly robbery training. A cop from the robbery division came to the meeting. He said that the guy who robbed us in July [click here for that story] has been caught and will be facing a life sentence.

One of my bosses asked if we could see a picture of the robber. He said, "Nah, you wouldn't want a see a picture of that guy."

"Yeah, actually we really would," she replied.

"No, you wouldn't."

I can understand if he couldn't show us the picture because it was part of the evidence or something, but if that's the case I would rather that he say, "I can't show you the picture." Of course after somebody comes in and robs you at gunpoint you're going to want to see who it was. I think that was his way of being a tough cop. My dream is to someday become tough, so I can then fulfill my dream of being a tough cop.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

A Swing and a Miss

Shot down again. I guess my tough decision as to whether or not I should take the job at Snapp Norris was made for me. I received the following email yesterday:


Thank you for giving us the opportunity to get to know you and interview you for our Jr. PR associate position. We have been able to fill the position. It was actually a tight decision because of your experience and skills. We wish you the best in your endeavors and appreciate the time you spent with us.

Best Regards,


As Enimem says, "Back to the lab again." [my words, not David's. I wish he would have said that. It would have given me so much more respect for their company]

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

And Out of the Dungeon...Sunshine!

Oh, the unexpected excitements of work.

I work in the basement of Salt Lake Community College. No windows, no cell phone reception and very little light (for some reason people in marketing prefer lamps to overhead lighting). But lo, yesterday I escaped into the daylight.

Daylight was a lot colder than I remembered. I had an appointment to meet with the head of the College's grounds crew to talk about the new drought-tolerant flowers and plants at the campus. I told him I would come to his office, thinking I knew where the Facilities Compound was.

After walking to one side of campus in the cold afternoon and wandering around through a bunch of empty portable classrooms trying to find the Grounds office, I was told that I was on the entirely wrong side of campus.

When I finally found the right location I was cheerily greeted by a big dude named Justin Wiker. After talking about the new plants I was able to have a dream fulfilled. I got to ride around in a little maintenance buggy! You know those little cars that are always running you off the sidewalk when you're trying to get to class? "Beep, beep! Get out of the way, mere mortals, I'm in a maintenance buggy!"

Justin cruised us around the campus, showing me all of the different plants. It's pretty cold, driving around in a little car that doesn't have a windshield or windows and the thing went faster than you'd think.

"Have you ever run anybody over in this thing?" I asked.

"No, but I've had some close calls."

"Ever tipped it over?"

He looked and smiled.

I was on top of the world. I was the big man on campus. I was in the maintenance buggy!

Friday, November 19, 2004

Worry Rock II

this is what working is like when you're super hip.

Job Update: When I left my interview at SNG, I was told that they would be getting back to me shortly. I didn't know it would be three hours later.

At 8:45 p.m. I realized that SNG had left me a message two hours earlier. I listened to the message and the dude said that he wanted to meet with me today. I figured that was a good sign: two interviews in two days.

However, this made me nervous because, you know, I'm even scared when good things happen. Now I had to start worrying, which caused me to not be able to concentrate on "The Apprentice," which really made me mad.

I returned the phone call during a commercial and left a message saying that the only option for meeting would be before 9:30 a.m., when I needed to be at the credit union. (I couldn't go during my lunch break because I had a lunch date set with my SLCC coworker Kristy and her husband, who happens to work at the SL Tribune. On my message I said, "I'm already meeting with the Tribune during my lunch break." I thought that would make me sound more valuable.) I received a response at 10:45 p.m. saying they'd love to see me at 9 a.m.

So I made another trip out to Draper this morning. I met with the Norris half of the Snapp Norris Group. It went well, but I am still just as confused about whether or not I should take the job. Very confused.

My lunch with Kristy and Brandon randomly turned into a meeting with Kristy, Brandon and the entire institutional marketing department. I don't know how that happened, but whatever.


I bought a few DVDs while I was in Holland, one of which was "Pista!" the winter version of "Costa!" Since I had already seen the latter, I knew what I was getting into when I saw the former.

The story was pretty dumb. But I would have to say, it was kind of "Saved by the Bell" dumb--you know, you realize it's lame, but you secretly still like it.

The group of friends are about to head back to Holland after a busy summer of working at a club in Spain. Right before they head out, they find out that Tommy's grandpa needs help running his bar at a ski resort in France. Here's when the show really gets good. Here's some highlights:

1. Even though the friends go to a ski resort, they keep wearing the same clothes--bikini tops, shorts, tank tops, etc. Not a bad way to go skiing.

2. The cool snowboarder that moves in on Tommy's girlfriend is wearing a red, full body ski suit straight out of 80s ski movies. He's so bad!

3. Everyone in France just happens to be Dutch!

4. I really liked that the one black guy in the movie (a dude from Suriname), though speaking Dutch, periodically in says in English "Damn!" just like movies here in the States. Stereotypes are great.

Some may tease, but I loved it. Loved every minute of it! I may just watch it again tonight!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Worry Rock

I have returned from my job interview. I think that overall it went well. I was laughing to myself about the company's website, thinking that it looks just like everyone's site these days--super modern offices with super modern, hip, good looking people working in them. I think it's funny because real offices don't look like that. I now stand corrected. I walked in the front door and it was like I had just wanted into the website. I looked around and saw glass desks, lots of modern art and the ceiling that's just airconditioning piping and can lights. The only thing it was missing was the hip folks.

There seemed to be a lack of folks in general. I met with David, the interviewer, and he informed me that the company only had 12 employees and the majority them were off at a client pitch.

The interview went well, I think. Though I certainly failed when I was asked what technology magazines I read. My response: "None." It was an honest answer. (Lying wasn't a great options, inasmuch as I don't even know the name of any technology magazines)

I guess they'll call if they liked me. I'm not sure if this is somewhere I'd like to work if I was offered a job. I am always nervous to start something new, but I don't think that is a good enough excuse to hide from a new job.

Careful What You Wish For...

I've been really bummed out about my job situation lately. I've been looking for a job since I graduated in May. I was very happy when the community college extended an offer for me to switch from part time in the public relations department to full time in marketing. That was August. It is now almost the end of November and that position has yet to be posted. I have been sending out resumes to different places periodically, but in the last few days I have decided that I can't just wait around forever for a job that may never really happen.

I sent out a wave of resumes on Tuesday and got a call back from the Snapp Norris Group, a public relations firm in Draper, yesterday. They asked me for an interview today at 2 p.m. Of course my first reaction is to totally freak out and be nervous and have to worry about whether I am going to choose the right path if this leads to a fork in the road. I have spent so much time hoping for a new job that I am really nervous about the prospect of actually getting one.

So, I have two and a half hours to be stressed out and then everything will go right back to where it was before.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Yummmm...Virgin Mary Sandwich

Now's your chance to buy a Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich on Ebay! Hurry, the auction ends soon!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Alkaline Trio

After having a discussion with my homeboy, Rhett, about the decline of rock music I decided to make a list of Alkaline Trio from best to worst. Here we go:

1. Go****nit!
2. From Here to Infirmary
3. Self-titled (the singles collection)
4. Good Mourning
5. Maybe I'll Catch Fire

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Running Frightened Away from the Village

In a rare act of spontaneity, Traci and I decided to take in a 10 o’clock dollar movie last night. I wanted to go see “The Bourne Supremacy” again, but Traci opted for something new. By process of elimination we ended up at “The Village.”

I’ll start by saying this: worst movie ever! For all of you out there that think M. Night Shyamalan is the greatest, I feel compelled to tell you that you are an idiot. The thought-provoking last five minutes of this movie does not make up for the preceding 115 mind-numbingly boring minutes, filled with slow-moving characters with misplaced accents.

On the upside, Traci and I were the only two people in the theater so it was like we were having our own private viewing. We only spent $3 for two tickets so it’s all good. After watching Judy Greer play Kitty, we went home to watch our Arrested Development DVD where she also plays a character named Kitty—only this character is actually good. Arrested Development, what an insanely funny show.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Old Lady Trapped in Bathroom! Anger Ensues!

One thing about working at a customer service job is that you are often exposed to very interesting experiences. Here's the latest from the credit union:

An old couple (I'm thinking in their 80s) came in a couple of days ago to use their safe deposit box. Before they left the credit union, the wife decided to use the restroom. All I can say is that it's a good thing her husband was with her.

Trying to leave the bathroom, she turned the doorknob. It wouldn't unlock, it just kept spinning. I guess after a few minutes her husband came to check on her. He tried unsuccessfully to help her get the door open before asking for our help. If he wasn't with her I don't know how long she would have been in there before somebody noticed or heard her.

The bank manager and the head teller were now over there trying to get the door open. Nothing. The next thing I hear is, "We've called the fire department and they'll be here is just a few minutes. Hang in there."

The fire department did in fact show up. I bet they love it when they get calls like "We've got a lady stuck in the bathroom here." Since the hinges of the door are on the inside they had no choice but to tear off the frame around the door to get the door off. The lady had been in there for about an hour before she was set free. The first thing she said after liberation was, "I'm never coming back here again!" Who could blame her?

Friday, November 05, 2004

"I think I could get in less trouble where I'm from"

It wasn't until last night that I realized that my life was missing something--bad teenage drama. Fortunately, The O.C. is back and just as over-the-top and unrealistic as ever. Loved it!

I was happy that Luke was back, though I fear it was a one episode deal. I was even more happy that Marissa is apparently even more crazy than last season.

Let me just say this--I know the acting is bad and that the plots are dumb, but hey, it's still fun to watch. In my opinion, a good show is one that forces you to yell at the TV, and The O.C. causes me to do a lot of that. Example dialogue between me and the TV, "Julie Cooper, duh! Of course Marissa doesn't want to talk to you! You slept with her boyfriend, remember?"

It sure was convenient that Ryan got let off the hook with Theresa's baby just by getting one visit from Sandy Kohen. What's up with that? I still think it's Eddie's baby, anyway.

The O.C. and The Apprentice on Thursday nights--is there any reason to leave the house?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Guess who's back, back again...

I feel like I have been out of the blogging game for ages. We have safely returned home from a wonderful trip to London and are now relunctly getting back into the swing of regular life. What a drag.

I am now a first-time presidential voter. I got a little bit nervous yesterday. Though casting a vote for president in Utah is a bit futile either way, it was an exciting experience. I can tell that I am getting old and boring because I spent a major of the evening watching the polls--talk about an uninteresting form of entertainment. Fortunately, the O.C. premiere is on tomorrow night and my faith in television will be renewed.

The vacation is over, the elections are over, winter has come to Utah and the holidays are right around the corner. I guess the only thing to look forward to besides the O.C. is Strung Out coming to town. I am feeling ripped off because Bad Religion is playing Denver and Las Vegas next week and conveniently skipping over Salt Lake. Not cool.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Fashion, Fashion, Fashion!

Greetings from Amsterdam! Traci and I, trying to fit in with the local culture, have both purchased knee-high boots and we are tucking our jeans into them. That definitely is the style here in the Netherlands. Watch out, it will soon be taking America by storm. We have not been run over by any trams or buses (yet), but did have to take an alternate route to Picadilly Circus in London because someone was under the train. Ouch!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

London Calling

Is the UK ready for the Sutherlands? I guess we'll both soon find out. I am not really looking forward to 11 hours in the air, but I am proud to say that I made a playlist for my iPod that is 8 1/2 hours long. It's gonna be pretty intense. I just hope that the battery will last that long. If the battery gives out, I am going to spend my time writing a children's book.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Too Fat for the Chimney

Our insurance sent us a letter stating that if we are willing to exercise 30 minutes a day for 100 days in the next year, they will pay us each $60. It's not a lot of money, but I figure it will give us some motivation to work out a bit more regularly than we are doing now. So to sign up for the program we had to go to a little health check up yesterday. Traci's only lasted about 10 minutes, while mine took about 30 minutes. Why so long? They had to tell me that I'm too fat!

Our blood pressure, cholesterol, and body mass index were all measured. It turns out that my cholesterol is through the roof. The problem is not my total cholesterol, but the fact that like 90 percent of my total cholesterol is coming from the bad kind--i.e. all of the good-tasting, bad-for-your-health food that I eat.

The health lady gave me a big lecture about eating better. She asked me what I usually eat for breakfast. I replied a bit timidly, "Well, I had a hotdog for breakfast this morning."

"A hotdog? You shouldn't eat hotdogs for breakfast. Actually, you shouldn't eat hotdogs ever."

We had a long conversation about what I should and shouldn't be eating. Here's what it all came down to: I want to eat regular stuff for lunch and the health folks think I should eat "a sandwich on whole wheat bread, maybe with a nice spinach spread and some grilled chicken. You could also have some carrot sticks. And because you're kind of a big guy, you could also have some yogurt." Hmmm. That shouldn't be much of an adjustment. Does anyone know where I can buy some spinach spread?

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

New Jimmy Eat World

The wait is nearly over. The new Jimmy Eat World record comes out next week. You can stream the whole album this week through at I'm gonna check it out as soon as I get to my other job. Can't wait.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Thanks, Columbus

Hooray for Columbus Day! Because I work at a bank I get to enjoy a paid day off in honor of a guy who may or may not have inadvertently discovered North America. Thanks, Columbus. You're the bomb.

Since I work two part-time jobs, I really only got half a day off. I am now at my afternoon job, where people don't care about Columbus. Where's the patriotic love? It would be cool to have a whole day off, but nevertheless, I was grateful for a relaxing morning.

I was able to use the time to work on recording one of my new songs. I had already recorded a majority of the tracks and the song was just sitting around, waiting to be finished. I touched some stuff up today, mostly finalized the vocals and recorded a really crappy guitar solo. Now I just need to solidify the bass line and a tweak a few things. I'm hoping it's going to be pretty rockin. I would really like to get it done before I head to England. That may or may not really come to pass. We'll see.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Either the movie Psycho or possibly The Lost Boys

I just got back from my interview at Basher Auto Auctions. (It's pronounced bah-sheer, not Basher, like it sounds. They probably don't want the name to sound like a car wreck) While attempting to travel deep into the west desert, I got a bit lost and ended up at Salt Lake International Airport. Small detour. It took me 40 minutes to get to the interview and 20 to get back.

Once I found the place, I was ready to turn right around. I walked into the very large reception area and soon found I was completely surrounded by wildlife. Or should I say "wild death." There were taxidermied animals everywhere. It was incredible. The walls were lined with various mounted animal heads. In the center of the area was an entire display of animals--deer, elk, bears. I walked up stairs to my interview and waited on the couch across from the coyote and birds.

It made me think about the movie The Lost Boys, where Corey Feldman's grandpa keepS giving him real stuffed animals as gifts unitl he has a whole closet full of 'em. I wonder if you receive a deer head every time you get a promotion at Basher Auto Auctions.

Because I'm Such a Car Guy

I have been applying for jobs for the past five months. Despite sending out a million resumes, I have heard back from very few employers. Those who have replied have all sent me rejection letters. I haven't even had one interview.

I sent out another batch of resumes earlier this week. Literally two minutes after I had sent the emails I got a phone call. Since I had sent resumes out to a bunch of different people I wasn't really sure what job this person was talking about.

When I got off the phone I realized I had been talking to Brasher's Auto Auction. Auto Auction? Me? I don't know anything about cars. What have I gotten myself into? I figure they must be pretty desperate if they got back to me so soon. The position is for helping to design and implement new marketing materials.

I don't really know if this is job that I would take, even if I was offered it. I think it's only going to be part time and the place is on 700 South and 5600 West. I have an interview this afternoon. It's not like I have so many offers that I can really afford to pass this one up. We'll see how it goes.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Leaping to My Death from the Sky Ride

We listen to MUZAK satellite at my work. The screen stopped working a few weeks ago and we couldn't see which station it was on. That was not too big of a deal because we could still change the station with the remote. Now the remote is not working and we're really in trouble. My boss just put it on a station that makes me feel like I am riding on the Sky Ride at Lagoon. It's that horrible, horrible eleveator music. The soft, instrumental guitar crap. I thought the country music we're often forced to listen to was bad, but I think this might be worse. As I type I am hearing one of the few songs with words, "The Glory of Love." Please, go back to the awful instrumental songs!

Monday, October 04, 2004

Crappy Vacation for Daniel-san

I watched Karate Kid II with my brother-in-law last night. I was pretty excited because I hadn't seen it in at least 10 years. (It's been 20 years since I stood outside of the Murray Theatre doing the crane kick after being inspired by Karate Kid I.) Now that I am a bit older, the movie forces me to ask the question, what did Daniel-san tell his friends about his summer vacation to Japan when he got home?

Here's what I think he said:

1. I went to Japan with my best friend--a 60-year-old Japanesese man.
2. I got to see Mr.Myagi's dad die.
3. Mr. Myagi was challenged to a fight to the death by a man who spoke in a very scary voice
4. I got a little bit of "yellow fever" and fell in love with a Japanese girl named Yukie
5. I got beat up at a club
6. A big stormed almost destroyed the whole village
7. I fought a battle to the death, and it was pretty sweet because I didn't die

What a great movie!

Though Yukie was cute, she was not nearly as hot as "Ali...with an 'i.'"

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Sorry, No Chuck For You

I guess my dad is done with me. With the exception of my mission, I have gone to priesthood session with my dad every six months for the past 12 years. After the meeting we always go to Chuck-a-Rama. It's the only time I ever get to go to the Chuck because Traci refuses to eat there.

This past weekend my dad threw me a curveball. He said he was going to go out of town with my mom. What was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to go to the conference with, and more importantly, what about the Chuck?!

I ended up going with Traci's dad and little brother. There was no Chuck after. We went to the drive-thru at Arby's. I don't know how I am going to deal with all of this.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Jennifer loves old Jewish ladies

Last night's episode of the Apprentice again proved how mean girls can be when they are forced to work together. I get stressed out just watching all of the confrontation.

I was happy that Jenn got fired. I actually wish almost all of these girls would get fired. Ivana already should have been gone when Bradford got the raw deal, and Maria should have got sent home last week when she went $5000 over budget. If the girls would less time pointing fingers at each other and more time working, they would probably win the tasks. Fight, fight, fight all the time.

Don't step on Maria's designer suits!

Am I the only one who has noticed that Carolyn is so much meaner this season? Can you imagine how she must talk to her kids? "You lost your soccer game? No, you FAILED at your soccer game. There are no excuses!"

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Maybe Next Time

Jonny & Virginia Wicks

The Wixes journeyed up to our residence last night. Traci and Virginia--feeling they had gotten a raw deal when they were beaten by Jonny and me in a boys vs. girls game of Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition a few months back--were willing to try their luck again at Trivial Pursuit '90s edition. Big mistake! While it came right down to the wire, the ladies were unprepared for Jonny's secret knowledge of '90s trends and fads. Who would've figured?

Maybe next time, ladies!

Friday, September 24, 2004

What's the Deal with the Apprentice?

I'm just not down with this season of the Apprentice. First of all, I've never liked sitting through the clips of Donald Trump talking about how great he is, or showing off his vast wealth of material treasures. I endure it because I think the game is pretty good. However, this season it has been ridiculous. When Trump walks into a room, they play a fanfare. Give me a break!

I thought last night's episode sucked. The team loses because they are $5000 over budget. Only one person was responsible for the $5,000 and hence the only one responsible for the loss. Instead of firing her, Trump makes a spectacle about Stacie J. being crazy. Of course all the other girls are going to say she is insane so she gets fired instead of them. What's the point of firing her, Mr. Trump? Is it just so you can look cool by saying, "Go get all of the girls out the of the suite!" Duh.

I'm hoping it's going to get a bit better as the season progresses. I have no choice but to keep watching, though, because the O.C.'s not going to be on until November 4th. It's rough when TV lets you down.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Death Cab for Cutie

Full Review Coming Soon!

I went to the Death Cab For Cutie show at RedFest over the weekend. Very, very cool. What most impressed me was their ability to recreate the complexity of their studio recordings in a live setting. They rocked the digital drums, samples, the keyboard and even played one song with two bass players.
Highlights of the evening: "The New Year" as an opener, an extended version of "We Looked Like Giants" and "Transatlanticism" as the perfect closer. Loved it.

Where is Izzy Stradlin?

I was listening to "Use Your Illusion II" by Guns 'n Roses tonight. In the short period before the band's inplosion they wrote a ton of good songs. I was looking through the liner notes and Izzy Stradlin wrote most of the music. Where is Izzy now? Does anybody know?

When you think about G 'n R you think about Axl and Slash. Axl has gone nuts and now Slash is rockin' in Velvet Revolver. I checked VR out, but it's not that great. I've just figured out the reason why--Izzy Stradlin. You can't deny Axl Rose is the coolest frontman ever, but really the X factor (I can't believe I just said "X Factor") is definitely Izzy.

Izzy, where are you? Rockers everywhere need you!

MP3 Blogs—The Next Big Thing

As a novice blogger, I am always quite surprised by all of the new things that I am finding exist out there in cyber world. Thanks to the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine I learned about my new cyber entity--MP3 blogs.

Instead of writing about their personal lives, MP3 bloggers post a song or two every day by usually obscure artists and then write about why it is a good track.

I think it is a wonderful idea. I am always looking for new bands to get excited about. This gives me a way to check out bands that I would otherwise never hear of in a lifetime.

In my limited searching I have found some really cool blogs. Some of the music has been good, and some has been thoroughly uninteresting. The important thing, for me at least, is the search. I get very excited about finding a hidden gem this way.

A few blogs to try:

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


The Bellamy Brothers in Action

I went to my first country concert last week at the Utah State Fair. I absolutely hate country music, but I am a nice brother. I went with my sister Jenny (no one else would go with her) to see her favorite country band, The Bellamy Brothers . The Bellamy Brothers had their first hit in 1976 and they rock pretty good for old cowboys. Here's some of the sights and sounds of the evening:


Hit songs such as:

  • "Give Me a Redneck Girl"
  • "If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold it Against Me?"
  • "Reggae Cowboy"


  • Many Wranglers
  • Old, old people dancing together
  • Drunk guy absolutely loving it

Because I work at a redneck credit union, we listen to country music on the Muzak about three days a week. Thanks (but no thanks) to that, I knew four songs by the opening act Carolyn Dawn Johnson. How embarrasing.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Kid Rock

I am pretty sure that I saw Kid Rock at the Utah State Fair. I guess he doesn't have anything better to do these days.

Michael Moore comes to UVSC

Utah Valley State College is shelling out $50,000--the school's entire year-long speaker budget--for Michael Moore to speak at its campus.

First things first. I don't know who I am going to vote for in November. I think George Bush is a liar and kind of a dirtbag. I also pretty sure that John Kerry is a liar and a dirtbag.

Back to Moore. I think a college is the perfect place for Michael Moore to speak. Colleges are where ideas, no matter what they are, should be freely and openly discussed. The one thing that bugs me, though, is the price.

If Michael Moore is such a freedom fighter, why is he charging $50,000? He acts like he is all about getting the truth out there and making sure Bush is not re-elected. I would want to get the "truth" out there, too, if I was making $50,000 for an hour-long speech. If it was really about politics, or saving America, or anything besides money, I think the price tag would be a lot lower.

A big capitalist congrats to Michael Moore for sucking money out of seats of higher learning!

Pretty High on the List of Gross

I just walked in the restroom here at my work to brush my teeth. I could hear somebody talking. There was no standing at the urinals behind me. I glanced toward the stall and realized that was where the voice was coming from. At first I thought this person was talking to himself, but I quickly realized that he was on his cell phone.

I deliberately flushed one of the urinals, figuring it's only fair that if you are on a cell phone in a bathroom that the person you are talking to should also be aware of where you are. I don't think it phased him, though. As he kept talking I could hear him pulling out the toilet paper, taking care of business and flushing the toilet. He didn't miss a beat.

I left before he came out of the stall. I just hope he washed his hands and that no one asks to borrow his phone.

Monday, September 13, 2004

The Traci Celebration

Greetings from Seth

Today is the fourth and final day of Traci's "Birthday Extravaganza!" By next year I am sure that she will find a way to stretch it to an entire week.

I took her out to Tucci's for dinner on Friday night. Since it was her birthday I was forced to watch "13 Going on 30" when we got back home. It's the girl version of "Big." The difference between the two movies was that "Big" was good. (Also, I remember being a little guy and thinking that the lady Tom Hanks falls in love with was SO HOT!!)

Saturday wasn't really birthday-related. We went to see my friend Tiffany's new house in Lehi. I don't generally like having to drive further south than 106th, but I was willing to make an exception because Tiffany makes some great Mexican food. The enchilladas were worth the drive.

Traci was treated to the Sutherland family birthday on Sunday night. My mom called at 6:30 wondering where we were. I thought the party started at 6:30, but I guess it was really at 6 p.m. Whoops. Here's the definition of a Sutherland party: Lainee and Jenny's kids running around like crazy, much screaming and lots of Play-doh everywhere. Four-year-old Meagan also laughed hysterically after calling me "Smelly Spencer."

We're going out with Traci's parents tonight. She's sad that after tonight there won't be any more birthday gifts, but she got lots of gift certificates and I'm sure she'll be able to console herself through shopping.

No Progress

My weekend recording plans were dashed. I had this genius idea that I would borrow my father-in-law's laptop while he was out of town for the weekend. That way I could record my music downstairs in my "rock room," rather than having to relocate all of my equipment upstairs to our computer room.

The plan failed. I couldn't get the recording program installed on the laptop. So instead of just taking the time to bring all of my crap upstairs, I sat downstairs fighting with the computer for three hours and accomplished absolutely nothing. This just proves the lengths to which I'll go to procrastinate recording this music. I don't know what it is wrong with me.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Quarter of a Century

Traci is celebrating the big 2-5 today. Hooray!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Big Money Vegas

I went to Las Vegas over the three-day weekend. My sister lives there so it’s a very inexpensive little getaway for Traci and me.

I’m too cheap to be a good gambler. I hate to see my money go down the drain, so Traci and I work the nickel slots. That way we can have a little fun gambling, but we’re not really going to lose much money.

This time was special. This time I hit the big money! I put in a dollar, pushed the little button, the numbers spun around and I won 140 credits! "I hit the jackpot!" I said excitingly. Man, 140 credits, that’s a lot.

It took a minute to do the math--140 nickels adds up to…let’s see here…$7. Not quite as exciting as I had originally thought. But, also considering the math, I made a 700 percent profit. I started with $1 and ended up with $7. It was enough to cover the McDonald’s breakfast we had eaten. I feel good about that.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Big and Fake

I went to the University of Utah football game with my homie Tony last night. The best thing about Tony is that he says exactly what is on his mind, no matter how embarrassing or polictically incorrect it may be.

Since he's single, he would rate every girl that walked past us up the stadium stairs. Comments ranged from "She's a saucy mommy" to "I like 'em thick." The best comment, however, came when Tony spotted some cosmetic work from forty feet away. "Those are fake," he said matter-of-factly. As those fakies items got closer, his glance moved up a bit to the girl's shoulder, which bore a Tinker Bell tattoo. Before ever reaching her face, Tony exclaimed, "Hey, I got on that chick!"

Tony speaks highly and frequently of his very brief relationship with the girl with the fakies and I was happy to finally get to see her. His experience led him to take on the following anthem: "I like 'em small and real, or big and fake." Tony always keeps it interesting.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Love those Long-haired Lifeguards

My oldest sister, Lainee, is a rocker through and through. She loves Kip Winger, leather pants, fast cars and especially long hair. The following story will prove that this is genetic:

Lainee took her 4-year-old daughter, Meagan, to the swimming pool. Lainee noticed that Meagan kept smiling and smiling at the lifeguard--a teenager with long brown hair.

LAINEE: “What are you looking at, Meagan?”
MEAGAN: “That guy over there. I really like him.”
MEAGAN: “Do you think I will marry him?”
LAINEE: “I think you have a little while before you’ll have to worry about that.”

Meagan had her first crush, and of course it was on a boy with long hair. When I asked her how old this boy was she said, “Probably 17.”
“Wow, that’s old,” I said.
“Yeah,” she replied, “I can’t even count that high.”

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Just so you know, Avril, your record wasn't even that good

It's those little things that you try to hide that always bite you in the butt. The Salt Lake County library system has a huge catalog of music CDs that you can check out. It's a great way to hear a bunch of stuff that you wouldn't ever really buy. Since we don't live close to any county libraries, it's always an ordeal trying to get the stuff back in on time. I try to be very diligent because I think it is dumb to have to pay a late charge on something that was free in the first place.

I secretly can't get enough of the teen pop divas. I bop my head along to Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, and even that dang Hilary Duff, but it can be very embarassing. Like when I went to pick up the Shania Twain CD that was on hold for me at the library and it wasn't there. I had to go to reference desk and say, "Is there a CD here for me?" I thought they would ask my name, but instead they said, "What's the name of the CD?"

"Uh, shniatwn."
"You'll have to speak a bit louder."

So embarrasing. Anyway, yesterday I had to pay a fine because I returned a Avril Lavigne CD late. I guess it's a sign that I need to stop listening to that crap.

Monday, August 30, 2004

"Scorched" and an Evening at the Bawden's: A Review

Traci and I hung out with our buddies, Brett and Janeen Bawden last weekend. I gave Janeen the crappy job of choosing a rental movie for the four of us. It’s always hard to find something that everyone will like, but she really came through.

She immediately earned points for taking a risk. She chose the unknown "Scorched," a movie that went straight to DVD. It stars Alicia Silverstone, Woody Harrelson, and that hot chick (Rachael Leigh Cook) that plays Josie in “Josie and the Pussycats.”

There’s a reason why this thing didn’t make it to the big screen. Neither the acting nor the plot are too stunning—three bank tellers who each have independent plans to rob the bank where they work—but since Janeen and I work at a bank (and all four of us have worked as a teller at one time or another) it was an appropriate selection.

It was moderately funny. The thievery plots were all a bit far-fetched, but that wasn’t a real problem. The movie was watchable because every real-life teller dreams of robbing the bank. This wasn’t an “Ocean’s Eleven”-style scheme, it was kids stickin’ it to the man by stealing a bunch of money.

The Bawdens’ home-made salsa gets the best review of the night, though. Brett and Janeen made salsa from ingredients they had grown in their backyard. Nice and hot. Very impressive.

The Owen Money 5

I went to lunch on Saturday with a couple of my high school friends. It proved that six years after high school life is pretty much the same.


I met Owen when I was a junior in high school. I was trying to scrounge up a quarter so I could get a drink out of the pop machine. He gave me the quarter and I found out that had just moved from Maryland. He told me the following really bad joke:

"There were two ducks in a shower and one said to the other, 'Hey, could you hand me the soap?' The other duck replied, 'What do you think I am--a radio?"

It was a brave move to introduce yourself with such a horrible, nonsensical joke. In my mind it was also the perfect move. I decided to take Owen under my wing and help him to get accustomed to the very unique quirks of going to high school in Utah.

On several occasions, my friend Ty and I were successful in getting Owen out of his hermit-like basement existence in order to have interesting misadventures including (but not limited to): losing him downtown on New Year's Eve, having him nearly kill us in his the Wagoneer, "The White Tiger," on our way to the Hogle Zoo and watching him timidly jump on a trampoline for the first time.

In the three years since I have been home from Holland I have seen Owen two times, both of which were as unusual as I had expected. The first was a few years ago when Ty and I went over to his house. Despite not having seen either of us for two years, Owen couldn't talk long because he wanted to make sure he could make it to Cafe Rio before they closed at 9 p.m.


Jamo (Jay-mo) is a computer nerd, but not in the same way I am. He actually knows how to fix computers and make them do cool stuff. I only know how to play on them. He is very intelligent, recently learned to play guitar, and loves the Simpsons. He earned my respect in high school when he volunteered his father's 6-foot-long mounted fish as a prop for us to use for the Christmas dance. We all dressed up in Hawaiian clothes and ran around downtown in the freezing cold carrying this giant fish everywhere we went.

Here's the highlights from the lunch:

OWEN (who is as skinny as a stick) to the WAITRESS: Is there anything healthy on this menu? I'm on a diet.

JAMO on dating: I think I have "G.A.D.D."--girl attention deficit disorder. I just get bored so easily with girls.

OWEN: I haven't been on a date in seven months.

OWEN: I had a girlfriend and we were probably going to get married, but then we broke up.

SPENCER: Was she a lesbian?

OWEN: [laughs, but no answer]

OWEN (after eating about 10 percent of his healthy meal) to the WAITRESS: Can I get a salad?

JAMO: I'm going rock climbing on a date tonight.

SPENCER: Do you know how to rock climb? It's really hard.

JAMO: I'll be fine. I've got really strong arms.

SPENCER: I still work at the same job I had in high school.

JAMO: Me, too.

OWEN: I'm single, unemployed and I live at my parents house. My hair was long for a while,
but I cut it a few months back for a job interview. Now I have short hair again so basically nothing is different than when I was in high school.

SPENCER: Well guys, this was fun. We'll do it again in six months. Maybe in three months if anything interesting happens in your lives.

OWEN: [silence]

JAMO: [silence]

It was a good time.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Puke Bowl--Because I'm Sure You Care...

Last night was rough. Traci works until 9 p.m on Thursdays so I generally try to get as much rockin' in as possible while she's away. I had big plans for getting some stuff recorded last night. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I got home from work and felt like I was going to throw up at any second. I ate a green popicle, but it was unable to cure me.

Feeling too weak to rock, I sat at the computer with my puke bowl in front of me--just in case the vomit tried to catch me off guard. The vomit never came, so I just sat there feeling like garbage. The Simpsons was particulary funny last night. Each time I laughed I felt like my stomach was going to lose it. I slept on the couch with my little bowl on the floor next to me.

I decided to come to work today. The second that I walked in the door I felt like it was a mistake, but that could just be because my job always makes me feel sick.