Thursday, September 29, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Now, I must admit that I haven't paid much attention to Shaq's music career since he hit Yo! MTV Raps with his 1993 debut Shaq Diesel. But I must say that I was surprised today when I found out that the Man of Steel has 5 full-length albums. Who knew? You've got to hand it to the fella for not giving up on his dreams.
The video made me think about something that for whatever reason, I spend entirely too much time thinking about: Nate Dogg.
Odds are pretty good that if you have listened to 10 rap songs in the past 10 years, that 8 of them feature a chorus sung by Nate Dogg, a la "Regulators." Choruses - that's all the guy does. Talk about a niche market!
Snoop's cousin Nate (you know they're related, they have the same surname. Duh.) has made hits with Snoop, Warren G, Dre, 50 Cent, and even the dead version of Tupac. Songs featuring Nate Dogg have sold a total of 65 million copies. Are you kidding me?
Okay, music world. Are you ready for this? I have figured something out. These songs, er, choruses, they're all the same! They're all frickin' "Regulators!" No one cares. Everyone loved "Regulators."
I figure the average Nate Dogg day goes something like this:
10 am -- wake up.
noon -- write a one-line chorus
1 pm -- record that chorus
2 pm thru remainder of day -- lie on sacks of money
Check out a Shaq Video (ft. Nate Dogg OF COURSE!!)
Friday, September 16, 2005
Well, I'm sucker for that little girl loving "Chef" so much, but the reason I was thinking about the commercial is because the coolest accordian song plays while the can is making the long journey from the grocery store the girl's house. I got so nostalgic for the commercial that I looked all over the internet to see if I could find it. I didn't have any luck, but I did find that some folks to had some VERY strong feelings about it.
The following story [from the workout diaries] just about killed me:
Exhibit #3,584,962 proving I might be sort of weird
This post about Chef Boyardee at the Donut made me think about something that's been bugging me for a while.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I HATE Chef Boyardee. It makes me gag. If I'm going to eat processed pasta, it's Spaghettios all the way.
That aside, you know that commercial? The one where the mom and the little girl are in the grocery store? No? Well, the plot goes a little something like this: Mom and Girl walking the processed pasta aisle at the supermarket, and Girl picks up a can of Chef Boyardee. Mom says, "No, honey, we've had Chef every night this week." Girl says, "But I love Chef." Being a obedient girl, though, she puts the can back on the shelf. After they have walked away, the can rolls off the shelf and follows them through the store...then into the parking lot and down the highway, and eventually into their house. Cut to the inside of the house, where Girl is sitting on the floor in the family/living room doing...something, and Mom calls from the kitchen, "What do you want for dinner?" Just then, the stalker can of "Chef" rolls into Girl's leg, she picks up the can, looks at it, and smiles knowingly. End of commercial.
Now, I have a few problems with this.
1. "We've had Chef every night this week." Seriously? Who's running that house? Because I'm telling you...it must be a cold week in hell if I serve canned pasta every night for a week. Sure, I work all day, I'm not even all that fond of cooking, and Noah does have a deep and abiding love for Spaghettios...but EVERY NIGHT? Sure, it's got all those vitamins injected into it, so it's sort of quasi-healthy. But...every night?! Besides which, that mom doesn't have the sort of figure one would associate with someone who eats canned spaghetti regularly.
2. "Chef." "Chef?" I do not know a single person who calls Chef Boyardee "Chef". If it's nicknamed at all, we shorten to the type of mushy pasta that's actually in the can--"ravioli", "spaghetti", etc. Is this like UPS's moronic plan to make everyone call them "brown"? Because I hate that too.
3. "What do you want for dinner?" Okay, you were just at the grocery store, lady. That was probably a question you wanted to cover there. Didn't you go in with some kind of plan? At the very least, something looked good while you were there. Surely you bought ingredients that you could throw together into some semblance of a meal. Though maybe I'm projecting here...this is a woman who had "Chef" every night that week, after all.
4. The cliffhanger ending. So many unanswered questions. Okay, Girl's smiling at the can of "Chef", so presumably she is going to suggest to her decision-impaired mother that they should have Chef Boyardee again. Um, didn't Mom put the kibosh on that plan while they were at the store? That's going to go over well. Not. Especially since they didn't actually BUY the "Chef". This is how I like to imagine the resulting conversation would go:
Girl brings can of pasta into kitchen.
"How about this?"
Mom sighs. "No, I already told you at the sto--Wait! Where did you get that?! We didn't buy any! Did you steal it?!"
"Um, no...it just bumped into my leg just now." Tears well up in her eyes.
"It bumped into your leg? From where?"
"In the living room. I don't know...it was just there."
"What, it just followed us home all by itself, eh?! Don't lie to me!"
After that, Girl probably bursts into tears, and Mom sends her to her room to think about why it's wrong to steal a can of craptastic pasta from the supermarket. (If everyone stole "Chef", you see, the grocers would lose money and then have to raise their prices to compensate, and therefore it hurts us all.) And despite being completely innocent, Girl goes to her room as she's told, spending a miserable evening crying and wondering if she's crazy. The neighbors hear the yelling and the crying, call CPS...well, maybe I've gone a bit too far here.
At the very least, Girl has some serious 'splaining to do.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
One drawback of releasing records after you're dead, is that you do lose some creative rights. Since his death, Pac has been teamed up with the likes of Eminem, Nate Dogg, and, umm, Elton John. I had forgotten all about the Elton/Tupac track "Ghetto Gospel" until happened to be listening to "Now That's What I Call Music Vol. 61" today(that's right in the UK, they're up to volume 61). Normally I would said that this would cause Tupac to spin in his grave, but since I believe he faked his death, I guess that I should say he's in the Cayman Islands counting his bags of money.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
John Vanderslice - Pixel Revolution
Good Riddance - Ballads of the Revolution
Kanye West - Late Registration
Whole Wheat Bread - Minority Rules
Bayside - S/T
Fountains of Wayne - Out of State Plates
Screaming Trees - Ocean of Confusion
How to Be Good by Nick Hornby
From Pieces to Weight by 50 Cent
Persepolis 2 - Marjane Sartrapi
What? What about Bayside? Am I to believe that between junior high and high school, Zack, Lisa, Screech and Mr. Belding all moved from Indiana to California? Everything I know about life, I learned from Saved By the Bell. If they lied to me about where these kids were going to school, I don't really know what I can believe anymore.