Blair Waldorf v. Pee-Wee Herman

 

The other night, Traci came home with "The Roommate."  This was not too surprising, seeing that it stars Leighton Meester (aka Blair Waldorf) and we watched at least the first three seasons of Gossip Girl before we gave up on it. But we don't normally watch scary movies.

When Meester's creepy, stalking character put her roommates cat in the dryer, I said, "Uh, so why did you rent this?"

"Oh, I don't know," Traci replied.

By the time Blair Waldorf was stabbing the roommate's ex-boyfriend with a boxcutter, Traci had to read a book to distract her from the movie.

The next night, we watched "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure," something that was a little more our speed. It's weird when you're old enough to say things like, "I haven't seen that movie in at least 15 years." But it's also weird that you can still know all of the words from a movie you haven't watched in 15 years.

One of my favorite lines:

Francis: Shut up, Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Why don't you make me.
Francis: You make me!
Pee-wee: Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.
Francis: Pee-wee, listen to reason.
[Pee-Wee cuffs his hand around his ear in a listening motion]
Francis: Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Sh! I'm listening to reason.
Francis: Pee-wee! 

The Seven Degrees of Kirsten Dunst: My Connection to the Stars

It all started with the ESPYs. Justin Timberlake, who Traci looooves, handed Jimmer Fredette the award for Male College Athlete of the Year.

"I'm friends with Jimmer's sister and Jimmer's meeting Justin Timberlake," Traci exclaimed. "That's like two degrees of separation!"

Hmm. That got me thinking (all the way through Sunday School and halfway through Elders Quorum). How far removed am I from my favorite folks?

(I'm sure I could have gotten to some of these people a bit more directly, but I only have so much mental RAM on Sundays.)


John Elway

• I met Steve Young at a seminary fireside in high school. (I also fluffed a dozen LoveSacs at his Park City cabin.)
• Steve Young's San Francisco 49ers defeated John Elway's Broncos in Super Bowl XXIV (a fact that still saddens me).

The Beatles

• I worked for Shawn Nelson at the LoveSac Corporation
• He won a million bucks on Richard Branson's TV show "Rebel Billionaire"
• Branson was knighted by the Queen of England,
• Who knighted Paul McCartney,
• Who was a Beatle
  

Michael Jackson

• I interviewed Deron Williams for Utah Business Magazine
• He and the Jazz always get beat by the Lakers and Kobe Bryant,
• Who dunked on Michael Jordan in 1997,
• Who was in the video for Michael Jackson's "Jam"

Kurt Cobain

• I met Dave Grohl after the first ever Foo Fighters show in Salt Lake
• Dave was, of course, the drummer of a little band called Nirvana

Kylie Minogue

• I interview Anthony Wiggle of The Wiggles,
• Who featured Kylie Minogue on their hit single "The Monkey Man" (Kyle was dubbed the Pink Wiggle)
  

Lauren Conrad

• I've interviewed Alkaline Trio a few times
• On one episode of The Hills, Audrina Patridge goes to the studio to watch the band record an album
• Lauren Conrad shows up to the studio as well, but gets bored and decides to go get coffee with Lo.

Paris Hilton

• My friend Chris Wilson played in Good Charlotte with those Madden twins
• One of them dated Paris Hilton

Britney Spears

• I interviewed Linkin Park recently,
• Who was touring with the Prodigy,
• Who was asked by Madonna to produce her record in the late '90s (they refused)
• Madonna french kissed Britney Spears once

Barack Obama

• Jon Hunstman came to Insurance a few years ago to celebrate our 25th anniversary
• That made him want to move to China and work for Mr. Obama

Lady GaGa

• I talked to Vanilla Ice on the phone a few years ago
• He got all the royalties to "Ice, Ice Baby" shaken out of him by Suge Knight,
• Who was Tupac's label owner,
• Who was originally friends with Biggie Smalls,
• Who was homies with Jay-Z,
• Who's married to Beyonce,
• Who recorded "Telephone" with Lady GaGa

Kirsten Dunst

• I chatted with Death Cab drummer Jason McGerr the other day
• He's in a band with Ben Gibbard,
• Who married Zooey Deschanel,
• Who was in Elf with Will Ferrell,
• Who was in Megamind with Brad Pitt,
• Who starred in Interview with a Vampire with Kirsten Dunst

Still Married...

...Despite having the same fight that will eventually end our marriage. I continue to argue that The Last Unicorn is the best movie of all time. Traci feels (strongly) that it is the worst movie ever made. Agree to disagree. Staying together for the kids.

Just hearing the theme song makes me tear up.

Redbox Reviews

I'd say Traci and I watch maybe one DVD a month. We make it to the movie theater about once a year. We nearly went into movie overload in Utah's Dixie.

Taken - I really liked it. Traci was thoroughly disturbed and hasn't stopped thinking about the teenage prostitution industry ever since. We both agreed that it was okay for the friend to die, because it was her fault for trusting a Frenchman in the first place.

Confessions of a Shopaholic - Don't get Traci started on the inconsistencies between the book and the movie. (She still enjoyed it.) I loved the cameo appearances by Detroit Pistons Bad Boy John Salley. I went out and bought myself a green scarf immediately after.

Knowing - Traci HATES Nicolas Cage. I only rented this one because I thought Traci's dad would like it. (It turns out he'd already seen it.) I knew I had made a bad choice when I was waiting for the DVD to vend and the couple behind me said sarcastically, "We could always get 'Knowing.'" I turned and asked if it was that bad. "We haven't seen it, but our friends said it was the worst movie they've ever seen. But you may like it." Turns out they had pretty smart friends.

DVD Review: Bazan Alone at the Mic

It's no secret that I heart Pedro the Lion and Pedro The Lion-related projects (I've written about it at least here, here, here, here, here, and here). So I was pretty excited about David Bazan's new DVD.

David Bazan
Alone at the Mic

To tide fans over until his first full-length solo release, former Pedro the Lion leader David Bazan offers up an intimate live collection of songs spanning his 11-year career. It is impossible not to be drawn in by the tales of conflict, betrayal, and waning faith. Backed by just a piano, electric, or acoustic guitar, Bazan shows he is just as talented a singer as he is a storyteller.

Between songs, Bazan fields questions about songwriting, touring, and cutting ties with his Evangelical Christian background. Though he is no stranger to such questions--at nearly every performance he allows the audience to ask him anything they want--on camera he seems a bit shy. He brushes by a question about his changing views on religion and, when asked when he'll finally write a long song, he insists that his tragic tune "Slow Car Crash" technically qualifies.

The performances are amazing. Pedro the Lion classics "1976" and "When They Really Get to Know You" are as beautiful as expected, but the real surprise is the piano version of the Headphones song "Never Wanted To." The heartbreaking "Please Baby Please," from Bazan's upcoming album, show there is still plenty to look forward to.

www.davidbazan.com. $13.99 + shipping.

DVD Review: The Up Beat

I've been a ska fan ever since I went to my first Stretch Armstrong show at UVSC when I was 14. By the time I was 17, we'd morphed our grunge band, The Twelfth of Never, into the ska band Left Foot Forward. Thus making us one of the 8 million high school ska bands at the time.

Local dude Brandon Smith recently made a documentary of Utah ska's golden age. Buy a copy or come over to my house and we can watch it together.

Here's a review I wrote for IN.

The Up Beat

If you grew up in Utah in the '90s, whether you'll now admit it or not, you likely spent at least one weekend skanking in Provo. Thanks to the combination of great local bands, great promotion, and a lot of high school and college kids with nothing better to do, Utah was once the ska music mecca. Lest we forget, Salt Lake City filmmaker (and trombonist for the Upstarts) Brandon Smith, gives documentary treatment to the scene's heyday.

The Up Beat follows the history of ska from its roots in Jamaica to its export to England, as told by pivotal players Toots Hibbert of the Maytals and Buster Bloodvessel of Bad Manners. From there, the genre eventually made it to the States, with Utah at the forefront in the movement.

Local bands like Swim Herschel Swim and Stretch Armstrong weigh in on how they helped make Utah one of the largest ska scenes in the country. Corey Fox, owner of the Velour club in Provo, comments that at the height of it all, Stretch Armstrong played a CD release show to a crowd of more than 2,000 and every national ska act made Utah a touring destination.

Though the scene peaked in the late '90s, this film helps the memory live on for anyone who has a soft spot in their heart for a good horn section or just wants an excuse to bust out those two-toned shoes.

www.theupbeatmovie.com. $12 + shipping.

The Grumbly Knight

I really enjoyed the Dark Knight, but I was a bit bugged by Christian Bale's "Batman voice." I guess that's just how superheroes have to talk these days. However, I was happy to know that I wasn't the only one to find it a bit ridiculous.

You only need to watch about the first 30 seconds to get the point, but the punching is generally funny throughout:

Hu-loh

I think kids (or at least little girls) are born knowing how to talk on a phone. We gave Paige a little red old school telephone rattle when she was really little and even though we have never had a phone that looks that, she somehow knew that she should hold it up to her ear.

Now whenever she gets her hands on a phone (or anything that looks like a phone), she'll put it to the side of her head and say, "Hu-loh." Then she'll babble some stuff and say "Bye," and put the phone down on her leg.

I've noticed lately Paige doesn't even have to have a phone to talk on one. If I just hold my hand up to my ear say "Hu-loh," she will immediately do the same.

Yesterday I was giving her a bath and she really cracked me up. She found the little plastic cover to one of Traci's razors and put it up to ear, "Hu-loh." It made me think of that part in Zoolander when Derek gets the call on his tiny cell phone and answers, "God?"

I unsucessfuly tried to find the clip on YouTube. Fortunately, I did find Traci's favorite part, the gas fight.

Wax On?

I am giving up on creativity. I had to teach a church lesson on obedience last week. While I was preparing, I tried to come up with an interesting way to present the topic, so the kids wouldn't fall asleep. I could think of anything when zapppp! inspiration struck. I would show a clip from the Karate Kid.

After fastforwarding through all the swears (that Danielsan sure was an angry kid), I showed the clip of Daniel waxing the car, sanding the floor, painting the face, and painting the house while Mr. Myagi threw punches and kicks at him.

Now, if you were a 16-year-old boy, wouldn't you love to watch the Karate Kid at church? Of course. Not these kids. None of them had even seen the movie. Who hasn't seen the Karate Kid? This is what's wrong with America.

Please Tupac, Don't Hurt 'Em

Oh, the wonderful world of cable. I have now shifted from my nostalgia for grunge to my love of '90s rap. Thanks to VH1's Black History Month programming, I watched "Tupac Resurrection" last week and I finished up the MC Hammer movie "Too Legit" tonight.

I thought I was familiar with the Hammer story, but I guess I stopped paying attention, you know, in the mid-90s. Did you know that Hammer signed to Death Row Records? Whah? I thought that the movie was lying, but Traci checked the facts (if you can call a visit to Wikipedia 'checking the facts).

From Wikipedia: "Hammer next signed with Death Row Records, then home to gangsta rap stars Snoop Dogg and Tupac Shakur. The label did not release any of Hammer's music while he was with them. However, Burrell [Hammer's real name] did record music with Shakur, and the album he recorded leaked onto the internet some years later. Their collaborative efforts are yet to be released. After the death of Shakur in 1996, Burrell left the record company."

Rumor has it that "Unconditional Luv," Hammer's track featuring Tupac is floating around out there in internetland, so I'll have to see if I can track it down. Again, Hammer on Death Row? Who knew?

Talladega Nights

After a short stint of actually going to the movies, I'm back to renting DVDs. Last night, Traci and I watched Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. We both love Will Farrell, but this was not his best performance. Though there were a few laughs, overall, the film was only mildly entertaining.

For us parents, the best line of the whole movie was during one of Ricky Bobby's prayers to "Baby Jesus."

Dear little baby Jesus, who's sittin' in his crib watchin' the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my moma together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.

Oh, that dang Baby Einstein company! You make us crazy, but everyone once in a while you sneak into a Will Farrell joke and make us laugh.

While Talladega Nights was plenty watchable, if you really need to get your funny on, stick with Anchorman.