Teenagers with Automatic Weapons and Boundless Love

So I handled my first machine gun the other day. Where? In the church, of course. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t loaded.) We learned about law enforcement at our monthly career night at scouts. Aaron’s dad talked to the boys about his job as a tax fraud investigator. In addition to strapping the boys into bulletproof vests, he let them shoot pepper spray, check out his tazer and handcuffs, and even put one kid into manacles.

Then came the weapons. He passed around the arsenal used in a typical raid: a machine gun to “spray” the place; a semi-automatic sniper rifle for hitting folks from long range; and then the shotgun. Any questions? I raised my hand. I understood why you would start with a machine gun, and the sniper rifle also made sense. But why was the shotgun really necessary at that point? Answer: for psychological effect, mostly. How would you feel if someone was pointing a shotgun at you from short-range? Point well taken.

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A

Despite its incredible length, any band named after the secret code used to get unlimited lives on original Nintendo version of Contra, immediately gets my respect. Oh, but the name’s not the best part.

Up Up writes beautifully direct, powerful (and short) love songs that I haven’t been able to get enough of. The band seems to be more into the music than the money, since they have just released their second completely-free-online EP called “Girls’ Names.” Their site offers more free music than purchasable, including three full EPs. I would recommend downloading them now, before the band realizes that sometimes you can sell music for well, you know, money.

If you are overwhelmed by the vast number of mp3s to download, I would suggest beginning with their music video…Love it.

CORRRECTION: "Just to set the record straight, up up down down... doesn't get you unlimited lives, just 30 per continue. I don’t want you to sound like an idiot for all us nintendo-educated readers." --Jonathan Wicks, Cincinnati, Ohio.

[Thanks 2 ½ Pounds of Bacon for the heads up.]

The Downfall of Jake the Snake

Jake Plummer at the grocery store

Not even my lucky Denver Broncos track pants were enough to keep my favorite team from self destructing on their home field today. Another year of cheering down the drain.

This has been a strange year in many ways, not the least of which being that I have watched football every single week this season. I haven’t actively followed the NFL since my heart was broken by the Broncos in the Superbowl three times in the late 80s and early 90s. Sure, I cheered Elway on as he won the two rings at the end of his career, but I probably wouldn’t have shed tears like I did as 10-year-old if they would have lost.

Watching an outrageous amount of sports in the last few months has lead to me think a lot about sports. I’m not thinking about stats or key match ups or MVP candidates, but more about what sports are really about. (Don’t worry, I’m not listening to sports talk on the radio or anything like that.)

People love to have something to root for. Even if you are a Phoenix Cardinals fan (is there such thing?) there is a 50/50 chance that your team might win any particular game. The thing that’s crazy about being a fan is that when your team wins, you win. Just by rooting for a team (internally or externally) you earn the right to feel happy if your team comes out victorious. Though you really did nothing, you are rewarded with a sense of accomplishment. Conversely, you also have to bare the brunt of criticism if you are on the losing end, like somehow your inferior support led to poor ball handling or special teams coverage.

Sports are really just the original reality TV. People get hooked on American Idol for the same reason that they get addicted to sports. When Rubbard Studdard wins the competition, so do all the people who voted 30,000 times for him. People have been cheering for athletes for centuries, so it only makes sense that we would do the same for a girl on The Bachelor, a fatty on The Biggest Loser or an idiot on Joe Millionaire. It’s really amazing that no one thought of it sooner.

Another thing that I find so interesting about sports is its infatuation with heroism. When an injured player decides to take a cortisone injection so he can play on a broken leg or misses his own father’s funeral so he can make it to the playoffs, commentators use words like “brave,” “unselfish,” and “hero" -- as opposed to real life and real jobs, where coworkers would describe those same acts as “reckless,” “insensitive” and “stupid.”

We must be lacking in heroes these days. I am guessing that there used to be heroes at some point because it’s a pretty common word. I think there used to be “war heroes,” though I don’t think we have those any more. But apparently, we have a need to have heroes around. Since they don’t seem to be apparent in daily life - we don’t generally say, “Charlie could have called in sick to work today, but he didn’t. He’s a real hero.” – sports seems to be a logical place to find them. “Even after appearing in court today on sexual assault charges, he was still able to score 45 points and hit a jumper at the buzzer. What a heroic performance!”

So what does all of this deep analysis of sports mean to me? Well, I’m 25 years old and the Broncos just lost the big game. I’m bummed out about it. We really didn’t come to play. However, you’ve got to hand it to Pittsburgh Steelers. As the 6th seed in the playoffs, it took heroic efforts to overcome the challenges of beating three great teams on the road.

I will have to settle for cheering for seven layer dip at the Superbowl party.

Johnny Tight Lips Show

Click on the flyer to check out the details

January Consumption

Music

Boys Night Out - Make Yourself Sick
The Concretes - S/T
Plain White T's - All That We Needed
Hellogoodbye - S/T EP
Michale Graves - Punk Rock is Dead
Spoon—Gimme Fiction
Andrew Bird & the Mysterious Production of Eggs
Dub Pistols—Point Blank
Reggie & the Full Effect—Songs Not to Get Married To
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A – Girls Names EP
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A – Internet EP
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A – S/T EP
Strokes—First Impressions of Earth
Army of Freshmen—Beg, Borrow, Steal
Feist—Let it Die

Books

Bait and Switch by Barbara Ehrenreich

No Break Christmas Break

I came back to work on Tuesday after a 10-day Christmas Vacation.  That’s right,  I had 10 paid days off of work.  Working in higher ed can be pretty sweet sometimes.  (I also get free haircuts at the beauty school, but that can be risky business.) 

I started working full time at SLCC a year ago.  Even though I got hired for the position in December, I think they purposely set my start date as January 1 so they wouldn’t have to pay me for Christmas break.  I was bummed out, but I started postulating my plans for the next year.  I figured with a whole week off and no distractions, I could accomplish just about anything. (I have always held the belief that if I had two weeks alone in a room I could write an entire album or maybe a children’s book.  I probably overestimate my creativity.) 

There was one thing I wasn’t thinking about when I was making my plans back then – parenthood.  All plans erased. 

The 10 days at home gave me an idea what Traci’s life is like.  Difficult.  It is amazing to me how a child that only weighs eight pounds can take up so much space – she has her own room, her stuff takes up half the living room and the entire backseat of the car – and require so much energy.   

I didn’t write an album, I didn’t write a children’s book. I barely left my living room.  I think there were at least five days that I didn’t even change out of my pajamas.  That’s not to say that the week was uneventful.  I was able to get Paige up to speed on The OC.  We watched 27 episodes in four days, knocking out the entire first season.  Just like her mother, she finds Marissa Cooper to be unbearably stupid at times. 

Paige also had her theatrical debut starring as none other than Baby Jesus in “The Nativity,” directed by my dad.  It was a star-studded affair, featuring my two 3-year-old nephews as wise men and my 1-year-old nephew as a donkey (he already had an Eeyore costume).  Traci played Mary of course.  I thought I was a shoo-in for the part of Joseph, but my dad, El Capitan, said that we didn’t need a Joseph.  He wasn’t that important.   

So now I’m back at work, realizing it is a lot easier to be here than at home.  Let the real vacation begin…

Pedro the Lion Breaks Up?!

According to Pedro the Lion and Headphones drummer TW Walsh, Pedro the Lion is breaking up due to his decision to leave the bands. "Breaking up" isn't really the right word, since Pedro the Lion and Headphones are, for all intents and purposes, a one-man band. So "breaking up" means that David Bazan will no longer perform under the name Pedro the Lion. It's all a bit weird, since TW was only in the band for two years and one album.

Though there is no official news on Pedro's site, TW's site explains the whole thing. It is very interesting, and gives a lot of insight into what it's like to be a touring musician who is not making a lot of money.

If the news is true, my heart is partially breaking. I am sure there will be more David Bazan music in the future, but I sense he is trying to get a way from the Pedro stuff. I love Pedro. [Insert frowny emoticon here.]


Here's the blurb from Alternative Press:

Punknews.org is reporting that Pedro The Lion, the indie-rock vehicle of songwriter David Bazan, have broken up. While neither the band nor their label, Jade Tree, have released any official statement regarding the group's demise, the explanation given on Punknews.org was as follows:

The main motiviation for the split is due to [band member] TW Walsh's reluctance to maintain the 100+ day per year touring schedule that the band demands. Consequently, Bazan has said that he will not continue to work under the name without Walsh and will be writing, recording and touring under his own name, and also on his electronic-tinged side project, Headphones."

Bazan will record the second Headphones album this Spring for a late 2006 release on an unspecified label; this will be the follow-up to the electronic band's self-titled effort, which came out this past May. He also plans on recording his solo debut for a Jade Tree release in 2007.

Spencer vs. Cell Phones

It’s 15 degrees and I’m standing on my front porch in my underwear.  Oh, and I’m not happy about it.  To get cell phone reception in my house, I have to leave my house.  That’s why when my two-year Verizon contract ends in April I’m switching to a different provider. 

It wouldn’t be a big deal to suffer the crap reception if my cell phone hadn’t stopped working a month ago.  The speaker gave out.  I can still make calls and talk all I want, but I can’t hear anything the other person is saying.  I can’t even hear the phone ring, so when I call home I just start talking. Now all of my conversations go like this “My cell doesn’t work, you can hear me, but I can’t hear you.  I’ll just keep talking.  I’m on 53^rd South, I’ll be home in 10 minutes.  I’m on 53^rd South, I’ll be home in 10 minutes.  I’m on 53^rd South, I’ll be home in 10 minutes.”  Then I hang up, not knowing if I have talked to anyone at all or if I have left a really weird message on an answering machine. 

The real fun, though, started when I tried to get a new phone.  Cell phone companies will give you a free cell phone any time you’re willing to sign a new contract.  If you’re not willing to sign the contract, a new phone will basically cost you a million dollars.  I don’t want to pay for a new phone if I am just going to get a free phone when I switch plans in a few months.   

Verizon stays in business by selling you a two year contract and giving you a free phone that has a one year warranty.  On day 366 the phone will inevitably break and you’ll have to either pay the million dollars (about $200 and up) or change your plan and sign up for another two years.  Since I am not a millionaire, I had to concoct a scheme to beat the cell phone company. 

After looking around and finding that you can’t get a cheap phone without signing up for a plan, I had to turn to my friend eBay.  I typed “cell phone” in the search bar and got 50 billion results.  I passed up the RAZR for a humble, used Kyocera.  I could get the phone (with shipping included) for 10 bucks.  Seemed like that would get me through ‘til the end of my contract.   

After winning the auction and then fighting with the seller about whether or not she really accepted PayPal. (Though she said she did, she really didn’t and I paid an extra $2 to use stupid BidPay.)    

The phone showed up a few days later and I thought my problems were solved.  I opened up the package and tried to turn on the phone, but it wouldn’t turn on.  The stupid-revelation lightbulb slowly illuminated above my head.  I didn’t buy a charger for the thing. Back to eBay to find a stupid charger.   

Another week later and the charger arrived in the mail.  The next day the new(old) phone was charged and ready.  Now all I needed to do was activate the phone and my cell phone woes would be over.  I went to Verizon’s website to activate it, but it kept telling me that the info that I had entered was invalid.  Now I was worrying that I had bought some stolen phone that had been blacklisted.  I called Verizon’s customer service to have them activate the phone.  I knew I was out of luck when the guy said, “Under no circumstances can I activate that phone.”  Great.  It was a stolen phone.  I could hear the feds knocking on my front door.   

I found out it wasn’t quite that dramatic, but just as much of a pain in my butt.  The FCC recently passed a new regulation that all new cell phones must be E911 compatible.  That means that all phones need to have a GPS system, so when you call 911, they can track you down.  Since the new (old) phone from eBay was not compatible, Verizon wouldn’t activate it for me - information that would have been nice before I bought the phone and the charger. 

At this point I started checking with family members to see if anyone had a cell phone they weren’t using anymore (which is what I should have done from the beginning).  Between my family and Traci’s family, I think there were about a dozen old cell phones lying around.  Just my luck, none of them were compatible.  It all ends where it began - me with a broken cell phone and a new (old) phone and charger that don’t work either.  Yes, I love technology. 

Another Year of the Manifesto

I just registered www.sutherlandmanifesto.com for another year. So all you suckers out there who were just waiting for the domain name to open up so you could benefit from the outrageous popularity of the name, you'll just have to keep waiting. Word.

Best Music of 2005

In 2005 I tried to keep a record of every album that I seriously listened to. As I look back over the list, I know there is a ton of stuff that I left out. Nevertheless, I feel it was a valiant effort.

Thanks to mp3 blogs and sitting in front of a computer 8 hours a day, I listened to more new music this past year than in my whole life combined. I would imagine that I listened to songs by at least 5 new artists each week - that's 260 new artists over a year. Looking at my top ten of 2005, 5 of them are bands that I have been listening to for a while now. That means out of 260 new bands I only ended up putting 5 of them into heavy rotation. There certainly is a lot of crap out there.

Anyhoo, 2005 wasn't spectacular, but here are 10 albums that found a happy home in my iPod.


10. Low - The Great Destroyer


9. Whole Wheat Bread - Minority Rules


8. MXPX - Panic


7. Imogen Heap - Speak for Yourself


6. The Bruce Lee Band - Beautiful World


5. Alkaline Trio - Crimson


4. Iron & Wine - Woman King EP


3. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm


2. Millencolin - Kingwood


1. Death Cab for Cutie - Plans

The Jury’s Still Out: Adventures in Jury Duty

by Traci
Written some point in 2006?

My significant other is always asking me to write something for the Manifesto, the problem is I don’t ever feel like I have anything worth writing about.  I keep thinking that I will write once I have something out of the ordinary to write about.  I guess that something was jury duty. 

If you are like me, when you think of jury duty you think about O.J. Simpson.  I was only like 14 or 15 when O.J. happened, but my dad was a devoted follower of the case, so I think that I probably learned more about the case than your normal teen.

When I received my summons to Salt Lake City Justice court, I was about 60 percent annoyed, 40 percent curious.  Having not really had any exposure to a real-life court, I was interested to how the wheels of justice really turn.  I received a letter telling me that I had to call a phone number every night for a week to find out if I would be one of the lucky chosen ones.  I almost made it through the week without having to report, but on Thursday night I heard the robot lady on the other end of the line tell me I was “required” to report the next day.

I arrived at the courthouse a few minutes before 8:30 a.m. and the waiting began.  We all sat around and waited until about 8:50, when we moved from a waiting room to a courtroom.  Here we had to watch a movie starring real people from like 1988 talking about jury duty.  My only thought about the movie was that somebody should find the woman being interviewed guilty of crimes against fashion for the shoulder pads she was sporting.  My favorite part of the movie - which comprised about 50% of the movie – was the various people talking about why we shouldn’t feel bad if we are not chosen.  

Apparently Miss Shoulder Pad’s confidence was really shaken when she wasn’t chosen and she had to go through a lot of soul searching and questioning as to why she wasn’t picked for the team. She was telling us that it was alright, and that it doesn’t mean anything - left over scarring from not getting asked to the high school prom anyone?

Once we finished this super-helpful video, we were told that we wouldn’t have any major cases like murder or kidnapping.  After we filled out a form asking our name, birthday, job and what newspapers and magazines we read, we were all marched to the cashiers to collect our $18.50.  After breaking the bank, we were treated to a lot more sitting.

After a very long while (and a boring conversation with one of my fellow potential jurors), we were told to follow the bailiff upstairs to another courtroom.  When we arrived, we were told that this was a DUI case.  We listened to another speech from the judge (which included a spiel about not feeling bad if we weren’t chosen - how sad it must be for those whose confidence rests on whether or not they are selected for jury duty) about our role as possible jurors. 

The judge then asked us a lot of questions as a group. If the answer to any of them was yes, we had to raise our hand. I noticed that the two lawyers had a little chart with each of our names.  As we answered questions, the lawyers would make notes about us on the chart.  Since it was a DUI case, the judge asked if anyone in the pool (or someone close to them) had been pulled over for DUI.  I was slightly embarrassed for those who raised their hand and had to respond that they had been pulled over for DUI.  We were also asked if there was anyone in the pool who didn’t drink for religious, moral or health reasons.  I got to raise my hand on that one, and that may have been the question that got me eliminated.  Or it may have also been the fact that I was on the end of the row next to the wall and spent part of the time sitting with my head resting against the wall.

The wheels of justice may turn, but not very swiftly, and I was tired, having already been there for three hours.  I kind of think that my laziness may have been a real turnoff for the lawyers.  Maybe they thought “Not only does she not drink, but she’s lazy, too- maybe too lazy to even drive at all” and crossed me off.

 
Whatever it may have been, I didn’t get chosen to sit on the panel of four jurors.  So I took my $18.50 and got on the TRAX and came home.  In retrospect, a part of me is glad that I didn’t get chosen, because even though it wasn’t a “major” case, it was probably pretty major to those involved and I don’t know if I want to be responsible for how that decision.  Another part of me was still mildly interested in being involved in an actual court case.  Oh well.  At least I didn’t have be sequestered at the Shilo Inn or something.