Sunday, November 26, 2017

The Stupid Crap I Read in the Middle of the Night

Adulting is hard. Jobs + kids + bills + grownup stuff = stress. And I've found all that stress makes it hard for me to sleep. 

I fall asleep just fine but then around 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning my eyes open and my brain goes into overdrive — thinking about work assignments or Sunday School lessons or retirement planning or whether I locked the garage door before I went to bed.

I used to deal with my insomnia by watching hours and hours of Friday Night Lights. Then those jerks at Netflix took it away from me.

Now I take sleeping pills that are making things a lot better (though they'll probably kill me in the long run). But they don't always work.

The other night, I woke up at 3:00. With no Friday Night Lights to turn to, I had to reach for a  — gasp! — book.

I'm probably the slowest reader in the world, for several reasons.

1. I never know what to read. (I'm married to a librarian but she refuses to give me recommendations because I've proven to be too picky. Pfff.)
2. When I do find a book to read, it's hard to get started. Getting into a new book always seems so daunting, especially when it's going to take weeks to read.  
3. It takes weeks because I'm an incredibly slow reader. I don't have a lot of free time so the only time I read is right before bed. And by that time, I'm exhausted. Within minutes of picking up the book, my eyes get very, very heavy. 
That's one of the reason why I like graphic novels so much. It's not hard to start a new book when you know it's only going to take an hour to read the whole thing. And when there's so little time commitment, it's easy to read stuff you might not otherwise. Like a biography about Andre the Giant (great) or an illustrated version of Gossip Girl or the history of Reagonomics (pretty good).

So it wasn't surprising that at 3:00 in the morning I started reading Cat Person. Even though I myself am not such a person.

Page after page, I was reminded of just how much of a cat person I am not.

What is this crap? Is this funny to cat people?

Why am I reading this? Oh yes, because it's 3:00 in the morning and all I want to do is sleep and I'm hoping and hoping and pleading that this will make me fall asleep.

But it wasn't working.

So I kept reading. And then something weird happened.

I started laughing. Bleary-eyed, tired laughing.

This cat lady is right! Oreos aren't good. So why do we keep eating them?!

Whoa, she's right. Oreos are just like potted plant soil mixed with sugar. This book is genius!

4:00 a.m. Eyes getting sleepy.



I think I should write a book called Oreo Person. 

No comments: