The Return of David Hasselhoff & Ty Goes Crazy

Clearly, either Las Vegas or getting engaged, or both, has affected my friend Ty's taste in music. He just sent me a link to this HOTTT new video by David Hasselhoff. Below is the record label's description. I only include it because it includes the word "Hofficial." "That's right, it's Hofficial... your favourite cult icon wants to take you home! The one and only David Hasselhoff of "Bay Watch" and "Knight Rider" fame returns with a cover of the 1975 classic 'Jump In My Car' and its a doozy. Recorded in Sydney last year with the legendary Harry Vanda (AC/DC, The Angels), the Ted Mulry Gang tune has been re-vamped with full Hoff gusto and this music video promises to rock the socks off all his Hofficial fans." I especially love when he wears the devil horns. Best. Video. Ever.

Johnny Tightlips Wed Aug 9 @Kilby Court

Caution: "Retard's" on the Loose

There's nothing classier than picking fights with a 13-year-old autistic boy. But apparently some Nephi residents were so sick of their autistic neighbor bugging them and getting into their stuff that they decided the only way to address the problem was to spray paint a giant that says "CAUTION, RETARD'S IN AREA." (My favorite part is the incorrect use of an apostrophe.)

Here's the link to the whole story.

Though this is sad social commentary, it does make me think of one of my favorite tee shirts , which also uses incorrect grammar.



From the tee shirt's description:

"I guess this shirt is a booby trap for wannabe grammar police. "Hey", they'll whine, "did you know that your shirt uses the possessive 'your' when it should use the contraction 'you're'?" At which point you'll shake your head, mutter the words on your shirt, and walk away."

Which then makes me think of my favorite Napoleon Dynamite quote from Rex, owner of Rex Kwon Do, "Grab my arm. The other arm. My other arm. Okay, now watch this. I'm just gonna break the wrist and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away."

Mutter the words and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away. It's all the same.

"We're Country"

Cutest baby in the world? Hands down.

Last weekend, Paige rode on a four-wheeler for the first time. Yep, an eight-month-old baby on an ATV. It's no biggie, "we're country." Though this was Paige's second trip to my grandpa's ranch, it was her first real visit. She got to drive very slowly on the four-wheeler with grandma (she looked forward, emotionless; she may as well have been in the stroller), she got to the watch everyone play in the pond and she got to see her cousin Nathan get stung by a bee right on the mouth. His lip swelled up so big he looked like a little Angelina Jolie.

I, meanwhile, continued to struggle with my quest to conquer the barbecue. I thought I had really done a good job on the burgers this time. I had just taken them off the grill on the porch when I went to step inside of the cabin to grab some ketchup. A giant gust of wind came blowing through and the burgers went sailing into the air and then crash landed on the cement porch. All that work down the drain.

On a positive note, outdoor enthousiast Traci and I are getting more succesful in our inflatable raft paddling skills. I've got the picture to prove it (somewhere).

July Raves

July 4, 2006

MUSIC

Dashboard Confessional

Chris Carabba certainly understands his audience.  Not only is he selling his new record Dusk and Summer for just $10 bucks but if you show your student ID when you buy it at lousy Best Buy, you get it for $7 (you will have to convince the cashier of this, though).  Dashboard isn’t something I would normally run out and buy from a store, but I thought it was a cool idea.  Note to the record industry: people will buy CDs if you offer them at a reasonable price. 

The Cardinal Sin

Also hailing from the Windy City, The Cardinal Sin share the same raw sound and intensity as early Alkaline Trio.  I was so immediately drawn to their music when I heard them on purevolume that I work tirelessly to track down their first full-length Hurry Up and Wait.  

I couldn’t find it at any of my usual locations so I ended up buying it off of half.com.  Other than the outstanding Eye Opener, there aren’t really a lot of standout tracks, but it’s a really solid album.

SPORTS

World Cup Soccer

Though I suffered some mild depression when Holland lost to Portugal (once again), the World Cup is still exciting – and I’m not even a soccer guy.  Who says you can’t be thoroughly entertained by 120 minutes of scoreless action?  I’ve got tickets for the Real Madrid vs. Real Salt Lake exhibition in August, but it looks like the great David Beckham may not even be making the trip thanks to his injury against Portugal. 

BOOKS

An Ordinary Man

If you haven’t seen Hotel Rwanda, you should.  If you have seen it, you should read An Ordinary Man, the autobiography of Paul Rusesabagina, the man on whom the movie was based.  Rusesabagina explains how and why the Rwandan genocide went down, including sectarian violence, corrupt politicians and outsiders who were unwilling to stop it from happening.  Though it the book was based on the 1994 events it couldn’t be more applicable to current conflicts.

TELEVISION

VH1’s Supergroup

Without going into an entire dissertation, here’s why only has-been celebrities should be on reality TV shows.  Though you get the mega-exposure that you had (or always wanted to have) when you were in your prime, you also always kind of end up looking like an idiot. 

Sebastian Bach was so incredibly cool when he was in Skid Row.  Now he may be the whiniest, most annoying TV personality on the planet.  Even my sister, a die-hard Bach supporter, has given up on the show because he is so annoying.  “He has officially ruined the ‘rock on’ devil horns," she says.  But it does make for great television.

If you can get over the embarrassingly awkward moments of Bach telling the PR team that he has a top 20 hit (“I Remember You” on the newest Monster Ballads CD), him crying about his dad or drunkenly telling Anthrax’s Scott Ian that he loves him and that he'll never play with another guitar player (um, they are going to be in a band together for 12 days), you'll be glued. 

Hot Like a Robot

It's 12:48 a.m. and I just got home from our show at Todd's Bar & Grill. I think we redeemed ourselves after our mighty dive at Burt's on Tuesday night. Once again, Mike the dirty promoter didn't give us any money, but we did make $50 off of t-shirts sales. So, all y'all who bought shirts, many thanks. (For those of you who want shirts, email me and I can get you hooked up.)

I think we're done with the bar scene. Johnny Tightlips is going where the kids are - the all-ages shows. As long as we continue to make no money playing at crappy bars late at night we might as well be playing the early shows and not dying of second-hand smoke. I hope to see you guys at Kilby Court on August 9.

On My Way Home from the Rock Show...

It turns out that I was worried about all the wrong things. I didn't think that anyone was going to come, but quite a few Johnny Tightlips superfans showed up for a 10 p.m. show on a Tuesday night.

I was worried that we were going to screw up all of our new songs, which we did. However, I hadn't thought to worry about the other band deciding that they wanted to play first so they could get in and get out, but then not get around to starting until 11:15.

You can tell that I am rock and roll novice because last night was only the second time we've played past midnight (the other time was also at Burt's Tiki Lounge). We didn't go on until around 11:45. We felt really bad that our friends had all been sitting there, waiting two hours for us to start playing. We hurried to get set up and play as quickly as possible after the other band was finished and cut a few songs off our setlist to keep things moving along.

As we started our set I could feel that it was getting to be past my bedtime. (Poor Aaron had been up since 6 a.m. and would have to be getting up again for work in another few hours.) Everything seemed really rushed, out of tune and really scattered. We limped our way through the set, probably screwing up on 9 songs out of 10.

That's not to say that we didn't have a good time. The audience was great. There was a lot of interaction, including a drunken Burt's employee grabbing the mic and singing our cover of "Your Love" by The Outfield.

The highlight of the evening was when the drunken employees started dancing around with a giant fiberglass skull and then asked Danny to wear the skull (which had no eye holes) on his head while he played the drums. He accepted the challenge and somewhat successfully played one song with it on.

Despite the poor performance, I had a good time hanging out with everyone. I had a good time playing as well, we just sounded like crap. We hope to redeem ourselves on Friday night when we play at Todd's Bar & Grill.

On My Way to the Rock Show...

I'll be heading home from work in a couple of minutes, then it's off to band practice. We're playing tonight at Burt's Tiki Lounge around 10 p.m. I've got the usual anxiety, wondering if we're going to suck, if anyone's going to show up, etc. We haven't played a show in three months and I'm worried we're going to be a bit rusty.

I was pretty excited when we booked the show because we would be opening for touring band Bang Sugar Bang - a band that actually falls into the same broad category of music that we play i.e. not metal, not avant garde/electro whatever, not sad, sad emo music. But we just found out that they cancelled their summer tour after their guitar player busted his hand. So we will be playing with another local band, Spork, who hopefully has a bit of a following.

I hope some folks show up since I've been frantically screenprinting a ton of new shirts and stickers, including my first-ever girlie tees. We're going to be debuting three new songs, hopefully not massacring them. We'll find out in a few hours....

July Consumption

Music

The Bouncing Souls - The Gold Record
Frou Frou - Details
Tool - 10,000 Days
Mae - The Everglow
Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary
Dashboard Confessional - Dusk & Summer
Hot Chip - The Warning
Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
The Format - Interventions and Lullabies
Gym Class Heroes - As Cruel as School Children
Living End - State of Emergency
Good Riddance - My Republic


Books

I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

July Raves: Music, Sports, and TV

MUSIC

Dashboard Confessional

Chris Carabba certainly understands his audience.  Not only is he selling his new record Dusk and Summer for just $10 bucks but if you show your student ID when you buy it at lousy Best Buy, you get it for $7 (you will have to convince the cashier of this, though).  Dashboard isn’t something I would normally run out and buy from a store, but I thought it was a cool idea.  Note to the record industry: people will buy CDs if you offer them at a reasonable price. 

The Cardinal Sin

Also hailing from the Windy City, The Cardinal Sin share the same raw sound and intensity as early Alkaline Trio.  I was so immediately drawn to their music when I heard them on purevolume that I work tirelessly to track down their first full-length Hurry Up and Wait.  I couldn’t find it at any of my usual locations so I ended up buying it off of half.com.  Other than the outstanding Eye Opener, there aren’t really a lot of standout tracks, but it’s a really solid album.

SPORTS

World Cup Soccer

Though I suffered some mild depression when Holland lost to Portugal (once again), the World Cup is still exciting – and I’m not even a soccer guy.  Who says you can’t be thoroughly entertained by 120 minutes of scoreless action?  I’ve got tickets for the Real Madrid vs. Real Salt Lake exhibition in August, but it looks like the great David Beckham may not even be making the trip thanks to his injury against Portugal. 

BOOKS

An Ordinary Man

If you haven’t seen Hotel Rwanda, you should.  If you have seen it, you should read An Ordinary Man, the autobiography of Paul Rusesabagina, the man on whom the movie was based.  Rusesabagina explains how and why the Rwandan genocide went down, including sectarian violence, corrupt politicians and outsiders who were unwilling to stop it from happening.  Though it the book was based on the 1994 events it couldn’t be more applicable to current conflicts.

TELEVISION

VH1’s Supergroup

Without going into an entire dissertation, here’s why only has-been celebrities should be on reality TV shows.  Though you get the mega-exposure that you had (or always wanted to have) when you were in your prime, you also always kind of end up looking like an idiot. 

Sebastian Bach was so incredibly cool when he was in Skid Row.  Now he may be the whiniest, most annoying TV personality on the planet.  Even my sister, a die-hard Bach supporter, has given up on the show because he is so annoying.  “He has officially ruined the ‘rock on’ devil horns," she says.  But it does make for great television.

If you can get over the embarrassingly awkward moments of Bach telling the PR team that he has a top 20 hit (“I Remember You” on the newest Monster Ballads CD), him crying about his dad or drunkenly telling Anthrax’s Scott Ian that he loves him and that he'll never play with another guitar player (um, they are going to be in a band together for 12 days), you'll be glued. 

Review: Catch 22 Permanent Revolution

Catch 22 
Permanent Revolution

Over its brief history, Catch 22 has asked a lot of its fans, releasing three albums with three different singers (the best being Thomas Kalnoky now of Streetlight Manifesto). Finally offering a bit of consistency, Permanent Revolution, is the second studio album featuring saxophonist Ryan Eldred on vocals.

The band’s last effort, 2003’s Dinosaur Sounds, was so poor it was almost unlistenable. Unfortunately, Eldred doesn’t fare much better this time around. While Eldred is competent on the saxophone, his vocal style could be described as “lounge singer.”

Permanent Revolution is a concept album, detailing the rise and fall of the Bolshevik Revolution. Though it’s a compelling idea, the excitement of the revolution doesn’t really come across in the recording. Even the most up-tempo tracks seem to lag to the speed of Eldred’s lethargic delivery.

About halfway through the album, band and singer finally find the same style, with the unbearable lounge number “Alma Ata (1928).”

I give Catch 22 props for taking on the Bolsheviks and for a slight improvement over their last album. However, I still think this CD is going into the never-get-around-to-listening-to-again pile. Sorry, boys.

Raves: Napoleon Dynamite

"Napoleon Dynamite" is one of those movies that you either really love or really hate. There isn't much action and there doesn't even really seem to be a plot until the last 20 minutes of the film. Nevertheless, I thought it was "flippin' sweet!"

There is always at least one really weird kid in every school. How did those kids get so weird? Taking a look at Napoleon Dynamite may give a few answers.

Napoleon lives in Idaho with his grandma. He has a 32-year-old brother who meets "babes" on the internet and an uncle that wants to build a time machine to go back to 1982--his high school football glory days. It's no wonder Napoleon loves to draw Pegasus-es and that his favorite animal is the liger.

The movie revolves around Napoleon befriending Pedro, the new kid and Deb, the glamour-less, Glamour Shots employee. Here are some of the ways that they solve their problems:

Pedro deciding how to ask the most popular girl in school to the dance: "[I'll] build her a cake or something."

Napoleon telling Pedro why he should run for student body president: "You've got a sweet bike, you're good at getting chicks, plus you're the only guy at school who has a moustache."

Pedro explaining why was wearing a hood: "I realized it was my hair that was making my head so hot. I went into my kitchen and shaved it all off."

It all makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Great comedy.

If you liked the movie, you should definitely check out this link [outdated]. You can relive the clips from the movie, make your own glamour shots, and even make your own iron-on t-shirts. Sweet!

George Bush on My Voicemail

Now, I thought it was cool when I had a voicemail from Thurl Bailey on my cell phone. Well, that's nothing comparing to getting a call from the Commander in Chief. That's right - George Dubya called me on the phone yesterday. If my dang cell phone wouldn't have been out of batteries I could have chatted it up with the guy, but instead he just had to leave me a heartfelt message about why he thinks I should vote for Chris Cannon. That sure was thoughtful of him to call and remind me to vote. What a sweetheart.

Other GWB-related posts:

Get Your Photo on w/ George W.
George Bush vs. Seth Cohen
Spencer vs. George Bush

Baby's First Vacation

We survived our first post-baby vacation last weekend. We took Paige with us to St. George to the annual stay-at-a-condo-with-the-Pearsons trip. The first challenge was getting her there. She hates being in her car seat, so we didn’t know how well she’d do with the 4 ½ hour car ride. We debated whether to head out Wednesday night after Traci got off work and hope that she’d sleep the whole way there or go Thursday morning. We chose the former.

The car ride worked well. Because it was around her normal bedtime, Paige slept most of the ride. Unfortunately, the transition from the car to her pack-n-play crib was too much to ask. She woke up and was ready to party, which was fine. I’ll hang with Paige at 1 in the morning in St. George, right on. But her party meter ran out after about 20 minutes and then she was tired and crying. At about 4 a.m. she finally decided to go to sleep.

Fortunately for us, the Pearsons are madly in love with her and, I think, were all waiting outside of our bedroom for the first signs of her morning awaking. When Paige got up at 7:30 a.m. Traci and I just passed her off and went back to bed. It was our first chance to sleep-in in the past seven months.

The trip was pretty relaxing despite the 110 degree heat. I had a bit of stress when everyone was at the pool and I was alone in the condo. When I made my way over to the pool, I locked the door behind me – not realizing how the keyless entry worked – and successfully locked us all out of the house. Luckily we had the number of the condo owner, the only problem being that it was inside the locked condo. I would have single-handedly wrecked the whole trip if Makell’s friend Emily didn’t weigh 75 pounds and climb like a monkey. I boosted her up to the second floor and she grabbed the railing like a gymnast. She snuck quietly in through the balcony door. Hallelujah.

Paige loves being in the water, so she had fun at the pool. All she wants to do in the water is jump up and down, so it’s good that we had a lot of different hands that were willing to bounce her.

Traci loves going to the pool, so she was happy. I love watching cable. I watched the disappointing U.S. soccer match, a million of episode’s of Run’s House, The Hills and Pimp My Ride, so I was happy as well. We got to meet our friend Susie for lunch, Traci’s dad taught me how to play racquetball and we skipped church on Sunday. Huzzah for vacation!

Greetings from Southern Utah

Paige is already a regular fish at the swimming pool here in St. George. She woke up bright and cheery as ever this morning after keeping her mom and dad up until 4 a.m. this morning. Traci and I...well, not so cheery. But how could you stay mad at that face?

The Sutherland's Residence: Now LoveSac Free

The Sutherlands are now LoveSac free. Because I was only paid in propane LoveSacs and propane LoveSac accessories during my six months interning at the company, our house was literally filled with LoveSacs and LoveSac accessories.

However, the novelty runs out quickly when you're trying to shove the 6-foot, 85-pound thing through the bedroom door every time you want to clean the carpets.

The LoveSac has found a new home in Traci's sister Jillian's bedroom. We only lent it to her. Since LoveSac filed bankruptcy they may become extinct, you know, and then maybe it'll be a collector's item.

Arena Football's Semi-Charmed Life

Today was ArenaBowl XX. You're right, "XX" does mean 20, which means that Arena Football has been around for 20 years. Who knew? Though Traci and I had a lot of fun a weeks ago when we went to see Utah's expansion team, The Blaze, somebody's got to talk to the marketing folks at the Arena Football League.

I turned on ArenaBowl just in time for the half-time show. The performance was by none other than Third Eye Blind. And the best part? Yes, they were playing "Semi-Charmed Life." Were all of the marketers and event planners sitting together, brainstorming, when someone said, "I've got it! We'll get Third Eye Blind for the half-time show of our biggest event. They were huge in 1997!" Did they completely overlook the fact that Jon Bon Jovi, who strangely enough still is a really big star (just ask my sisters), owns an Arena Football team? Couldn't they just ask him?

If the game wasn't exciting enought, ticketholders were also treated to a free Third Eye Blind concert after the show. Napoleon Dynamite says "lucky."

World Cup Fever (Hup Holland Hup)

(Oh the homoeroticism that is professional sports)

I've already got a mild case of World Cup Fever. I made the trip to my inlaws (we don't have cable) at 6:45 a.m. this morning to watch Holland take on Serbia & Montenegro. I even wore my Dutch jersey. Since the Pearsons were all still asleep when I got there, I tried to be very quiet. When Arjen Robben scored in the 18th minute, I whispered "Goaaaaaalllll!"

I'd like to call in sick to work tomorrow to watch the U.S. game, but I've got fire extinguisher training at work. It's a big day at work.

Not Without My(space) Daughter

In all of my job searching I guess I should look into working for MySpace. With all of the child predators and the like, I think they probably need a lot of PR work.

From Yahoo:
"A 16-year-old honor student from Michigan tricked her parents into getting her a passport and then flew off to the Mideast to be with a West Bank man she met on MySpace.com, authorities say."

Here's my thought about the whole thing. I don't think this story would be getting the amount of coverage that it has if she wasn't meeting a guy from the Middle East. No one would have cared if a girl went off to meet a dude in Canada or even Italy. Why? Because we in the U.S. think that all Middle Eastern men are swarthy, hairy-chested women smugglers who are going to take our women captive, never again to return.

That made me think back to a high school education highlight from my own life. Mr. Brian Hughes coached basketball and taught driver's ed at Murray High. I remember that during our driving lessons he would have us drive him on his personal errands - to the post office, to the Subway, to his mom's house. Very classy. He also taught World Civilizations.

I attribute the fact that I know nothing about world history to Mr. Hughes' class. When we got to the section about the Middle East, we watched "Not Without My Daughter," the movie where Sally Fields gets married to an Iranian. He takes her home for a vacation and then never lets her go back to the states. She then goes to crazy lengths to escape and get back home.

It took us like three days to watch the movie. That was our entire education on the Middle East. On behalf of the hundreds of sophomores that took your class, Mr. Hughes, I would like to thank you for contributing to our cultural ignorance. And thank you, Mr. Hughes' mom for the carrot cake that you gave us the day we stopped by your house on our driver's ed route.

Seve vs. Evan, the new Stretsch Armstronng?

“I could be most of these kids’ mom,” Traci said as we waited around Kilby Court for Seve vs. Evan show. I’d guess that most of the kids were between 14-17, so that would mean Traci would’ve given birth when she was 12. While the age difference wasn’t quite as dramatic as Traci made it seem, we did feel really old.

The evening was weird. Seve vs. Evan is a two-man band from Provo that I’ve been wanting to see live. Seve plays the keyboard and sings while Evan mans the drumkit. All of their songs sound like they were ripped from the soundtrack of 8-bit Nintendo games. The strangest part about the band, though, is that apparently kids can’t get enough of ‘em.

I wasn’t ready for the fanaticism surrounding the band. Seve vs. Evan was the opening act for a touring band, yet the place was packed with kids waiting to see them. The second the music started the kids all went absolutely nuts. Feet were a-dancin’ and everyone new every single word. When the band reached the bridge of their first song everyone started doing some choreographed dance where they did the underwater move –you know, when you plug your nose and pretend to be under the water. When everyone had boogied down to the floor I am sure that there were only two heads visible above the crowd – mine and Traci’s, because we didn’t know what was going on.

My first thought was all these kids were idiots, dancing around to this stupid music with the collars up on their polo shirts and their girl pants so incredibly tight. But then I had a flashback: a young Spencer and Ty skankin’ to Stretsch Armstronng every weekend, sometimes accompanied by Ryan MC in full Rude Boy motif.

Are Seve vs. Evan the new Stretsch Armstronng? There are a lot of similarities– quirky lyrics, danceable tunes, hugely popular with kids in Utah County. The polar opposite is the size of the presentation. There was something exciting about a small stage packed with musicians jumping around. Conversely, Seve vs. Evan are the epitome of minimalism. But keyboards are very comparable to horns, in that both are generally played by geeks.

So what’s a 26-year-old to do? I like the music, but I do feel a bit like a child predator hanging out with all these kids. I guess I’ll just have to listen to the CD at home and dance with Paige.

Check out Seve vs. Evan