Alright Stop, Collaborate and Listen

Here's the Vanilla Ice article I submitted to IN. (It's incredibly long, I know.) It'll come out this Thursday. It's the cover story, so make sure you pick up a copy at the nearest bus stop.

MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice
February 27
McKay Events Center

I must admit, I'm a bit embarrassed by how incredibly nervous I was to talk to Vanilla Ice. The way the cell phone was shaking in my hand, you'd think it was 1990 all over again.

Much like every other human who listened to the radio in the early '90s, I knew—and still know—all the words to "Ice, Ice Baby." But because I was the impressionable age of 10 when the track hit number one, I also remember bleaching my bangs blonde, shaving stripes in my eyebrows, and doing "the worm" at a sixth grade dance. I guess that's really what I should be embarrassed about.

The reason for the phone call was not to discuss the four hardcore albums he's released since "To the Extreme" sold more than 10 million copies, to talk about his amateur motocross career, or even reminisce on his time as a cast member of "The Surreal Life." Instead, we talked about his upcoming performance with MC Hammer.

With '90s groups like New Kids on the Block and the Spice Girls already riding the nostalgia train, it makes perfect sense that the decade's biggest rap artists would want to cash in as well. But here's where it gets weird. The pair's first duo performance in 18 years isn't part of a huge, orchestrated comeback tour. It's a one night only event. In Orem.

I didn't know what to expect from the interview. Would Vanilla Ice (or Rob Van Winkle, as he introduced himself) be annoyed by questions about the "Ice, Ice Baby" years? Would he get upset if I asked him about Eminem incessantly taking shots at him? Would he ask me if I own a copy of his 2003 nu metal album "Hot Sex?"

It turns out, I had no reason to be nervous--or even embarrassed. Mr. Van Winkle was upbeat, excitable, and hilarious. And more than anything, he seemed like a guy who, despite being put through the ringer, is really happy with where he's been, where he's at, and where he's going. (He also cursed like a sailor and called me "bro" a lot.)

An MC Hammer/Vanilla show? Why now?

[When I heard about it] I said, 'A show with Hammer? Are you for real?' I thought it was a joke at first. But then I thought, 'This could be good, it could be fun.'I'm gonna have fun with this. I'm excited about it, man. With all this economy and bad news, it's a good time to put a smile on people's faces again.

Back in the day, when me and Hammer did it, we pretty much set the world on fire. I'll have my full band, pyrotechnics, cannons blasting—it's gonna be full-blown entertainment. Like it used to be.

I'm definitely doing some old school stuff that I haven't done since [the '90s]. We're gonna take 'em back to the old school, do some middle school, and some new sh**, too. It's just going to be a big adventure.

Was Hammer your musical foe back in the day? The Magic Johnson to your Larry Bird?

Nah. I started out as MC Hammer's opening act. It was hilarious because my record passed his on the charts. I knocked him from number one and he was opening for me all the sudden [laughs]. He and I have always been friends and have always remained friends. I've always looked up to him. He's an icon.

What was life like as the 'White Rapper'

I had to knock down a lot of barriers back in the day. Hammer and I were both entertainers and both ran along the same lines, but I had to face a lot more adversity--being the white guy in rap music. There was nobody in front of me that I could use as a guideline, like Eminem could use my career as a guideline.

How did you go from radio rap to hardcore rock?

I look at music a lot different than most people. I look at it as a reflection of how you feel. That's how it should be. Music shouldn't be about image or gimmicks or f***ing American Idol. When somebody else choreographs your dance moves, somebody else writes your lyrics, someone else chooses your clothes and does your hair, in the end you're artificial. So I boycotted against all that sh**, man.

I resented myself a lot. So I rebelled against myself and my whole image. Music shouldn't be about image. I like my music to be like my diary. I had a lot of anger toward my old self and other issues in my life, so I worked with [producer] Ross Robinson (Limp Bizkit, Korn) who pulled it all out of me and helped me realize music works best when it's used as therapy. Since then, I've made records with a lot of personal, heavy sh**. And I love it.

When you've got anger, you should let it out. The greatest thing that's ever happened to me is to go on a musical adventure and do everything the rulebook says you're not supposed to do. Rappers don't make rock music. Well, white rappers don't rap. I like to go against the grain and do whatever I feel like doing. It just comes out that way in the music, it's never planned. I don't have some sort of master plan. I just go in and I vibe.

What's in the Vanilla i(ce)Pod?

Sh**, I listen to everything, bro. When I'm racing motocross, I'm listening to Slipknot. But I can also jam to Kanye West, Jadakiss, Black Rob. I even listen to country sometimes, bro. It's weird, but some of that Kenny Chesney sh** is pretty cool. I can't hate it.

How do you deal with getting dissed by other artists?

That's just entertainment, my friend. It got to me at first. The greatest thing I could do was [1998 album] "Hard to Swallow." It was therapy. Now I go back, I look at everything, and I love it. I still love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, bro. Come on. [Vanilla Ice contributed the cleverly-titled track "Ninja Rap" to the first Ninja Turtles movie. He also made a stirring cameo appearance.]

There's no shame in my game anymore, man. Humiliation is a great thing. If you use to your benefit, nothing can stop you. There's where I'm at. That's why I'm going to have fun coming to Utah and doing this show I haven't done in 18 years. I've got all sorts of crazy things running through my head right now, ideas I'm of what I'm going to do. I'm gonna have fun, man. It's time.

What do you hope will be the Vanilla Ice legacy?

I don't have much an ego left [laughs]. Whether they give me credit for it or not, I paved the way for people—not just Eminem—but hip hop in general. My record was the first hip hop song ever to be played on a pop station. Ever. It brought hip to people's ears who'd never considered listening to it.

At one point, we were selling a million albums a day. It was a phenomenon. It almost killed me. It was a huge roller coaster, but without the low points I wouldn't be who I am today. We are who were because of who we were.

I'm very happy with who I am today. Life is about family and friends, bro. It's a simple thing.

Word to your mother.

Review: Andrew Bird Noble Beast

Andrew Bird
Noble Beast

While certain bands (The Ramones, Nirvana) make young, aspiring artists believe they can grow up to be rock stars, Andrew Bird makes even professional musicians feel like they will never be good enough. On his fifth full-length album, Bird again shows his undeniable musical craftsmanship.

Much like its predecessors, "Noble Beast" quietly transports listeners to an easy-listening heaven, where its inhabitants pad around in slippers and smoking jackets. Bird's only weakness is his quirky wordplay. Fortunately, the combination of his soothing croon and beautiful acoustic guitar/violin interplay make it easy to overlook his history class lyrics. (On "Tenuous" he sings "From proto-Sanskrit Minoans to porto-centric Lisboans." Huh?)

Standout "Anoanimal" manages to pack all of the album's wide dynamic range into just one track. Broad violin strokes compliment staccato guitar notes, bells and bass drum fill in the empty spaces, and the song slowly rises into a grand crescendo. What else would we expect?

05 Tenuousness - Andrew Bird

For fans of: Rufus Wainwright, The Decemberists
Rating: 3.5 of 4

Review: Lily Allen It's Not Me, It's You

Here's the deal, I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with Lily Allen. It just happened so suddenly. Sure, I felt fine about her first album, but the second I heard "It's Not Me, It's You," well, the deal was sealed. Here's my review for this week's IN. I'd recommend this album to anyone who's a sucker for pop music.

Lily Allen
It's Not Me, It's You

With all of her tabloid exploits and Myspace confessions, Lily Allen's music often takes the backseat. What a shame. Witty, brash, and eccentric, Allen has all the right moves for a celebrity. But what's most impressive is how she packages her over-the-top personality into brilliant little pop songs.

On "The Fear," Allen is able to both poke fun at her superficiality and revel in it. "Life's about film stars and less about mothers/It's all about fast cars and passing each other/But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic/And that's what makes my life so f***ing fantastic."

With the help of collaborator Greg Kurstin, the songs are catchy, but not weightless. One moment Allen is a dancehall diva ("Everyone's At It"), the next she's the sweet girl next door ("Not Fair). Though the album loses a bit of steam at the end ("Who Who'd Known," "Chinese"), Allen shows she's got plenty to offer.

For fans of: Kate Nash, Natasha Bedingfield
Rating: 3.5 of 4

The Fear - Lily Allen

Hi, This is Rob Van Winkle

Everyone I told about my upcoming Vanilla Ice interview had a question they thought I should ask. Most of them had to do with him ripping off David Bowie's Under Pressure for Ice, Ice Baby or him signing the rights away to his big hit after Suge Knight hung him over the edge of a balcony.

Nope. I was scared to death of talking to Vanilla Ice, both because I was nervous and because he seemed like the kind of guy who could get angry very easily--especially about his past. I was going to stick to the easy stuff. Which I did.

It turns out I didn't have any need to worry. Mr. Van Winkle was incredibly pleasant, excitable, and great to talk to. He cursed like a sailor, called me "bro," and said plenty of hilarious things. If you don't want to listen to the full interview (below) or wait for my article to come out next week, here were some of my favorite quotes.

About agreeing to play the old stuff: "There's no shame in my game anymore, bro."

About playing rock shows: "I entertain the sh** out of myself."

About the '90s: "I still love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

He also motocrosses to Slipknot, makes sweet love to Marvin Gaye, and indulges in a little Kenny Chesney here and there. Word to your mother.

Vanilla Ice Interview 2/13/09 [WMA]

Go White Boy, Go White Boy, Go!

By this morning I had more or less given up hope that my interview with Mr. Rob Van Winkle was really going to happen. I told his publicist I was available Wednesday, Thursday or late Friday afternoon. He said he check with Vanilla and let me know what would work. But as of 3:00 this afternoon, I still hadn't heard anything.

And then I got a call on my cell phone from the 2-1-4.

"Is this Spencer?"

"Yeah."

"Vanilla is trying to get a hold of you. He says called your work and you weren't there. Can he get you on your cell phone?"

"Yeah, of course. Is he calling now?"

"Yes, he's calling right now."

Heart racing. Frantically searching for my digital recorder. Looking for the questions I've prepared. The questions are on my desk at work!!! More frantically try to scribble down questions. Hiding up stairs in Paige's room and hope for a bit of quiet.

Two minutes later the phone rings...

Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go

So, I still haven't heard back from MC Hammer. However, I got an email last night and I'M GOING TO BE INTERVIEWING VANILLA ICE! This may not seem like it should be a big deal ,but I am freaking out. Vanilla Ice?! Are you serious? My 10-year-old idol! My anxiety is through the roof.

The Minature Manipulator

The other night, Traci's mom invited Paige over to make Valentine's cookies. Around dinner time, Paige asked Grandma where Grandpa was. She told her he was just down the hall in his office.

Paige asked again. "Where's Grandpa?" and then added a subtle subquestion, "Buying me nuggets and fries?"

Grandpa went and got Paige some nuggets and fries. Grandparents are pushovers.

Desperately Seeking MC Hammer

1990. It was the best Christmas ever, probably. I was given my two first cassette tapes, “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em” and “To the Extreme.” By this point, I already owned several pair of Hammer pants and had bleached my bangs just like Vanilla Ice. (If memory serves me, I think I shaved lines in my eyebrow as well. Yes, I was dope. I would later wear my pants backwards and braid my hair a la Kris Kross.)

2009. McHammer and Vanilla Ice will set aside their television ministry and celebreality, respectively, for one night to perform at Utah Valley University. Will I be there? Oh, most definitely.

While this alone would be enough to fulfill a number of boyhood dreams, I’m not stopping there. For the past three days I have been trying to track down Stanley Burrell himself to do an interview for IN.

It hasn’t been easy. Mr. Hammer doesn’t even have a website—just a Twitter account. I’ve been sending emails to any lead I can find, but so far, no luck. There was one promising occurrence this morning when Modern Media Partners told me they had forwarded my message to him. Will he respond? Please Hammer, don’t let me down.

The Kronkster

The timing was no good at the gym today. I got stuck watching the dreaded 12 o' clock news. Fortunately, it was on Fox so I got to see Traci's most loathed, and I my most loved, anchor Kerri Cronk. Love that Kerri Cronk.

Not Mr. Big, But Close

I often suffer from bouts of mission nostalgia. No, not memories of missionary work itself--heaven's no--but thoughts of the Dutch experience--locations, foods, customs. And music most of all.

I'd always had a dormant love for teeny bopper techno, and when I found myself in Europe, it was like Pandora's box had burst open. The other day, a song crept into my mind that I heard constantly in the Netherlands around the turn of the millenium.

I could remember the tune and what I thought were the words, but not the artist. I kept googling and googling to track it down, but no luck. When I hummed the lyrics,"All I really want's to be with you/Deep inside your heart you feel it too," they fit perfectly, but really belonged to that Mr. Big song.

Eventually, through the miracle of miracles, I was able to remember that it was actually "All I really want is one more day/To make you change your mind and want to stay." Pretty close. From there I found "All I Really Want" by Kim Lukas. And it was just as good as I remembered.

How Could You Be So Heartless?

My work has an on-site gym. On the days where I can summon the motivation, I head down there during my lunch break. While making it there is all about getting my fitness on, once I'm there all energy is spent trying to get control of the TV by the elliptical machines.

By default, folks generally tend leave the TV on Fox. Around lunch time that means hours of Judge Judy. The only thing worse is local news lunch programming, which is also a favorite around the gym.

While it's fun for everyone to be miserable together (I refuse to believe that people change the station to Judge Judy because they like it, it's just to be polite or something), I figure at least one person should be able to enjoy television--and I prefer that person to be me.

So when I get a hold of the remote, the suckers around me are subjected to reruns of The Hills, Celebrity Rehab, The Princess Bride, and Malcolm in the Middle, to name a few. My co-worker-outters try to pretend that they don't want to watch these shows, but I see them sneaking glances and even occassional smiles.

Yesterday I was watching Kanye West's video for Heartless on Fuse. (Excellent song, excellent video, btw.) An old guy got on the elliptical next to me, looked at the screen and said, "Cartoons. Cool." Yup, cartoons.

Watching the video reinforced my rave review of 808s & Heartbreak. Just keeps getting better. And the Jetsons artwork in the video is awesome. Love it.

Review: Akon Freedom

Akon
Freedom

I've been mentally searching my record collection for precedence of liking an artist like Akon. I generally steer clear of R&B and I'm certainly not a huge supporter of 35-year-olds freakdancing underage girls (or Tara Reid) onstage. But there's something about Akon. I've tried to ignore the temptations, but I just can't help loving this record.

It's easy to get sucked in by a catchy single. "Freedom," however, cranks out hit after hit. The album starts off with the excellent "Right Now (Na Na Na)," before launching directly into the mid-tempo "Beautiful," featuring the silky vocals of Colby O'Donis and Kardinal Offishall. Oh, but it doesn't stop there. "Keep You Much Longer" is yet another dance floor anthem. By this point in the album, I want nothing more than to make lots of money and find eternal love in the back of a club.

"Freedom" has all the obligatory guest appearances--T-Pain, Young Jeezy, Wyclef Jean--but Akon proves he's plenty capable of being the main attraction. He's becoming the king of laid-back cool, effortless laying down millions of great love songs. Makes me want to get my freak on.

For fans of: Chris Brown, T-Pain
Rating: 4 of 4 (That's right, all 4)

Akon on Last.Fm

This...Does...Not...Compute (In a Robot Voice)

Maybe Paige and I have been listening to too much electronic music lately. Yesterday Traci put clips in Paige's hair and said, "Paige, you look so cute. Just like Snow Princess Dora." Paige replied, "Not like a princess, like a 'puter." Meaning a computer. My daughter thinks she looks like a computer.

The computer is all she thinks about these days, thanks to her introduction to the games on the Playhouse Disney site. She says "I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, play gamesssssss!" about 100 times a day. I'm getting really good at Ooh & Ahh's Coco Nutty Bowling.

I feel fine about Paige being a computer. It's handy, I guess. Paige established long ago that Curtis, however, is not a computer. She's decided he's a potato.

Record Review: Fall Out Boy Folie a Deux

Fall Out Boy
Folie a Deux

What do you do when you’re the moment’s biggest name in rock ’n’ roll? Whatever you want, of course. But rather than Motley Crue-esque debauchery, Fall Out Boy opt for Sgt. Pepper-like overindulgence. There is not a thread of cohesion to be found on "Folie a Deux." The record jumps from Memphis Soul ("I Don’t Care") to piano balladry ("What a Catch, Donnie") without warning or apology. And, as if there weren’t enough going on already, pointless cameos from Elvis Costello, Debbie Harry, The Academy Is, and Gym Class Heroes are crammed into the remaining crevices.

Not surprisingly, the band is at its best when it sticks to its strengths. "The (Shipped) Gold Standard" and "(Coffee’s For Closers)" are great, mid-tempo emo tracks. And, whether or not you think he is a complete wanker, Pete Wentz is still a great lyricist. Though he’s always been a pro at irony, the hints of sincerity are most effective. On "Gold Standard" he writes "You can only blame your problems on the world for so long/Before it all becomes the same old song."

"Folie a Deux" may be completely overblown, but at least it errs on the side of levity. Rather than getting dragged down by the sorrow or dramatics of their peers, FOB is clearly having a good time. But why? Patrick Stump sings it best on the album opener, "No one wants to hear you sing about tragedy."

20-Year-Old Book Review

Was it Jim Gaffigan who made the joke about renting a movie that's six years old and then wanting to talk about with his friends, even though they all saw it six years ago? That's how I felt recently when I read 1986's "Goodbye, I Love You" at Traci's recommendation.

If you haven't read it, the subheading may give a bit of the plot away--"Good-Bye, I Love You: A True Story of a Wife, Her Homosexual Husband, and a Love That Transcended Tragedy."

Here's how the conversation goes with my buddies at work:

Spencer: I'm reading about this book called "Goodbye, I Love You." Have you read it?
Tim: Yes.
Brian: No, what's it about?
Tim: This Mormon lady marries a gay guy and she wants him to be un-gay, but then he dies of AIDS.
Spencer: Arrrrggggh! He dies of AIDS? I'm only on chapter six!
Tim: Oops. Spoiler Alert.
Brian: How old is this book?
Spencer: 20 years.
Brian: Not exactly a real spoiler.

In a way it was good that Tim dropped the bomb. I had been reading and thinking, "I wonder how this lady can say all these things about her husband. I wonder what he thinks about this." Obviously he thinks, "Being dead sure is sweet."

So at this point I guess I should apologize for spoiling it for you as well, as I'm sure the book was at the top of your "To Read" list.

Pet Sounds

For some reason, it made me sad to see that after my last post about potty training Paige, the auto-generated ads on my site were for "housebreaking your pet in a week." That said, the, er, housebreaking has been improving.

Heard it on the TV

If you're like me and only listen to songs featured on commercials, you'll be pleased to know that you can download the remake of Somebody's Watching Me for free on Geico's website. Those googly eyes are so creepy.

Rockwell vs. Mysto and Pizzi - Somebody's Watching Me"

Coming to Getchoo

From high centered, to frog hopping, to full-on crawl machine. One day Curtis was air-swimming, the next day he was crawling straight for every electrical cord in the house (and promptly putting them in his mouth). He couldn't be happier.

Speaking of putting stuff in his mouth, apparently he swallowed a bingo marker while playing with his cousins the other day. We're still watching for it to reappear. I'll spare you further details on what that means.

Paige is not pleased with Curtis's new found mobility. The second he starts moving toward her (or rather her toys)--even when he's clear on the other side of the room--she yells, "Dad! Curty's coming to get me! No, Curty! Don't get me!" I don't blame her for being a bit scared. He is bigger than her.

Yet Another Thing They Don't Tell You About Parenthood

I never realized how hard potty training a kid would be. Not to go into too many details, but I've sure spent a lot time hanging out in the bathroom waiting for "it" to happen.

After all sorts of attempts and approaches, we finally pulled out the little DVD player and let Paige sit on the toilet with the thing on her lap. Incredibly sanitary, I know. So she spent an hour an a half watching a movie, and I sat on the tub with the computer on my lap. What a way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Slowly, we're making progress. Fortunately, we've ditched the DVD player for books. However, she loves to read her Dora's Halloween book, which, even when she's not reading it, causes her to lose concentration on the task at hand and stand up and shout "Happy Halloween!" Arrgh.

Thanks, Sub Prime Mortgage Induced Recession

Just got my quarterly retirement statement. Lost another 10%. Sweet.