We are now the proud owners of our very own ballerina.

Monday Morning Playlist

Here's what I used to get through the Monday morning blues. Click to enlarge.

The Return of Hunter

I thought things with Hunter were over. It's been month since Paige has made any reference to her little preschool boyfriend. But this is how it went down on the drive home the other day.

PAIGE [with huge dramatics]: Dad, I have some bad news.

ME: Oh, no. Bad news? What is it?

PAIGE: Hunter doesn't like learning.

ME: He doesn't like learning? How come?

PAIGE: He just wants to play with toys.

'Hmm,' I thought. 'Even at five-years-old, girls are attracted to the bad boy. And what's more bad that not liking learning?'

ME: Well, that's no good. Hunter should like learning, huh?

PAIGE: I think he'll like learning when he turns five.

And there's the next eternal truth--ladies are always trying to change a man.

This Week's Music: Get Up Kids, Cake, Social D, Peter Wolf Crier

In case you were wondering, The Get Up Kids got back together. I haven't reviewed the new record yet (it's very different from anything they've done before), but here's my interview with the band. They're playing in Salt Lake this weekend.

Here are some records I have reviewed:

Social Distortion - Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes. If you like Social D, you'll like it. If you don't (or don't yet), I'm not really sure that you need start now.

Cake - Showroom of Compassion. I've been a fan of Cake for, what, 15 years now? As I look through the back catalog, there is a steady decline with each new album. This one goes at the bottom of the list. (Though I do love the track Long Time.)

Peter Wolf Crier - Inter-Be. The high-falsetto-ed indie sounds of the Midwest. I was listening to the CD in the front room and, all the way from the basement, Traci said, "I give that song an 11 on a 10 star scale of annoying-ness." I thought the song was pretty good.

Paddlin' the school canoe? Better believe that's a paddlin'

Sometimes you just need a little Simpsons to get you through the day. I started with this classic clip of Jasper Beardly teaching Lisa's class:



Which lead me to his best line:



Which made me think about Moleman:



Which ended like everything ends. With a football to the groin:

Father Knows Best

I'm in the men's restroom when I hear this exchange between a dad about my age and his five-year-old son.

"Dad, do I need to wash my hands?"

"No, just don't touch anything."

"I didn't. I only touched myself."

(If I was giving a really dramatic church talk, this story would end with "And that boy was me." But it's not, so it doesn't.)

Let's Get This Party Started

Before Traci left for work on Monday night she suggested to the rest of us have a pajama party and watch a movie. The kids were quick to get into costume. Right before we started the movie, however, Paige had a different idea."Let's have a dance party, instead."

Curtis, without hesitating even a second, pulled his down pants and, in diapered booty, declared, "Let's dance."

Where did this kid come from?

For the Record

Let it be written that on this, the twenty-eighth day of January in the year two thousand eleven, that I, Spencer Sutherland, came to the realization that the lyrics of the 1989 dance hit "Pump Up the Jam" do not say:

"I want a place to play
Get your booty on the bus tonight."

Thanks to the lyrics scrawling along the bottom of the Just Dance screen on the Wii, I now know that the words are actually:

"I want a place to say
Get your booty on the floor tonight."

That makes so much more sense. I can remember all the way back to 1991, doing the running man to that song in James Diamant's bedroom, and thinking "get your booty on the bus tonight" was so weird.

But here we are, 20 years later, and it's all so clear. So much wasted time. 

Pedro the Lion: A Mind of Her Own

I have so many favorite Pedro the Lion/David Bazan songs that I almost forget about this one.



Corruption and Christianity never made such an awesome team. Could the ending of this song be any more intense?

Some Music: Robyn, Rihanna, Say Hi

Robyn - Body Talk I looked into Robyn after several of my Kylie Minogue-loving friends raved about her. For me, she's no Kylie, but there's some pretty enjoyable dancehall diva stuff here. (Check out Dancing on My Own.)

Rihanna - Loud I love Rihanna.I just wish she could put together a full album. There's 3-4 good tracks here. Which is I guess really all that I need for my iPod.

Say Hi - 'Um, Uh Oh' Say Hi has put out a million albums. Generally, I only like about half the songs, but put all those records together, and you've got a great band.  There's stuff I here I really like, but the jury is still out on what I think of it as a whole. Sounds like they've been listening to lots of Arcade Fire. (Check out Dots On Maps.)

I love finding Curtis' little surprises. Like this old cell phone in the dishwasher.

MLK jr

I came home from work last night to the best surprise ever. An invitation, from a very excited 5-year-old girl, to a Martin Luther King, Jr. party. Now I'd never been invited to such a party, so I was curious to see what it would entail. The answer? Pure awesomeness.

First there were heart-shaped princess paper plates. Then there were little paper fish cups, the kind you use to rinse and spit and the dentist's office. And after dinner, there were heart-shaped sugar cookies that Grandma had dropped off for some reason.

Oh, but the party didn't end there.

"Let's play some Martin Luther King party games," Paige recommended.

Well, neither of us could think of a more MLK party-esque game than hide-and-seek.

And there was more.

The grand finale was a Martin Luther King parade. I wasn't the only invited to the party. In addition to Curtis and Traci, Strawberry Shortcake, Minnie Mouse, three My Little Ponies, and about a half dozen other toys were on the guestlist.

Each of these guests were in the parade, sitting on various "floats," made out of tupperware, magazines, or toy baby strollers. Curtis was even allowed to include his backhoe and race cars in the procession (he kept getting in trouble for sitting on the parade, but that's what little brothers do).

Before bed, Paige volunteered to say the prayer--something that she always refuses. "Thank you that we could have such a good Martin Luther King party that I planned and that I was such a good host." Nice. Way to butter up the Big Guy (or make him jealous that he wasn't invited).

Best MLK Jr. Day ever.

Oh Thank Heaven for 7-Eleven

It was a two-fer. After I washed the car, I just had to hop over the little cement barrier and I could return my DVD to the Redbox at the 7-Eleven.

The hopping was easy enough. It was the landing that was problematic. One second I was upright and the next I was in a painful lump on +++the icy parking lot, feeling both stupid and incredibly sore.

Walking back to my family, who was waiting in the van at the car wash, I was happy I was still in one piece. But more than anything, I was grateful that I was able to get back up. I don't know if I could handle the embarrassment of being found crumpled up in the parking lot, clutching a Step Up 3 disc to my chest.

In Music, Recently

Here is what's been in my headphones lately. (Click the links for full reviews)

The Black Pacific, The Black Pacific Former Pennywise singer's new band. Better than anything Pennywise has done in the 2000s. Highly recommended. (I'd also recommend his book Punk Rock Dad.)

Styrofoam, Disco Synthesizers & Daily Tranquilizers I loved Styrofoam's early, lo-fi stuff. This full-band style doesn't work for me.


Good Charlotte, Cardiology I only listened to this because of Chris Wilson. It was as pedestrian as I had expected.  

I also did my first band interview in a long time. Here's my article about Peter Wolf Crier. If you like the somber indie folk (Blind Pilot, AA Bondy, Chris Walla, etc.), it's worth checking out. Check out some videos:

Hard As Nails - http://vimeo.com/12376836

Down Down Down - http://vimeo.com/153404

Sometimes I Miss The OC

When I'm going through my withdrawals, there's only one thing that can cheer me up. This Simpsons parody. (Video starts after advertisement.)

Remember, Knott's Berry Farm can be a dangerous place. 

Five Second Rule

At the grocery store this afternoon. Curtis finds an unidentified fishy cracker on the floor. He quickly picks it up and shoves it in his mouth.

"Curtis!" I shout. "Get that out of your mouth."

He reluctantly takes it out and throws in on the ground.

Paige, never one to let a perfectly good treat go to waste, picks up the discarded cracker and moves to put it into her mouth...

Remember Christmas?

I do. Vaguely.

I took about 20 minutes of video throughout the day. Then I tested out the Flip camera's "magic movie" button that puts all the clips together, taking its own directorial liberties. The result? Four minutes of present after present being opened. Which, I guess, was mostly what happened.

I can't imagine this being incredibly interesting to you, but if you like cute tearing wrapping paper...

Review: Ke$ha Cannibal

Ke-dollarsign-ha is the source of much contention--nay, hatred--at my work. Nevertheless, it is my job as a professional music critic (a job for which I get paid tons of money, believe me) to review even the albums of the most frowned upon artists. Enter Ke$ha.



With “Cannibal,” Ke$ha pulls a page from the Lady GaGa book, tacking a mini-LP onto her mega hit debut album “Animal.” Smart move. Not only does this allow her to strike while the grime is hot, but it also gives her the freedom to pump out more of the same tunes, without having to worry about silly things like growing as an artist or even facing the fears of a sophomore slump.

In a whirlwind 27 minutes, Ke$ha successfully amplifies her trash-to-riches persona. The valley-girl rhymes remain as wrinkled as last night’s clothes (“Me and all my friends, we don’t buy bottles, we bring ‘em/We take the drinks from the tables when you get up and leave ‘em”) and the choruses are bigger than ever.

Though she acknowledges her newfound success (“Now that I’m famous, you’re up my anus”), she has no plans of changing her lifestyle (“Dirt and glitter cover the floor/We’re pretty and sick/We’re young and we’re bored”). And why would she? That’s what made her famous. (“I know I’m the new **** on the block/I’ve been through my sketchy phases/Been broke, been a **** waitress/But I’m not now, guess it worked out.”)

Ke$ha understands her niche in the pop world. She doesn’t have Rihanna’s voice, Lady Gaga’s creativity, or even Katy Perry’s big rack. So she’s got to stick to her strength--being the girl passed out on your floor, who, by the way, just happens to be packing enormous hits.

Her songs may be obnoxious but they are also incredibly catchy. All those memorable hooks, combined with the throbbing beats, basically demand spontaneous, uncontrollable dancing. Combine club anthems like “We R Who We R” and “Blow” with a few I’m-not-always-a-party-girl confessions (“The Harold Song,” “C U Next Tuesday”) and you’ve got an EP that can stand toe to toe with the debut release.

If Ke$ha keeps pounding out these hits, she may have to add a few more dollar signs to the middle of her name.

A Letter of Gratitude

To Whoever Was Responsible for the Songlist of Just Dance For Kids:

Thank you for thinking of 30-year-old dads with a penchant for 1990s Swedish pop when you included "Beautiful Life" by Ace of Base on your video game.

xoxo.

spencer

SMS

Traci: Paige, let's make a card for Great Grandma to tell her thank you for the nice Christmas present that she bought you.

Paige: Can't we just send her a text message?

The Return of the Librarian

Back in the day (after much coercion), Traci would write book reviews for the Manifesto. Though she now withholds her literary opinions from me--and thus you as well--she's sharing them with Murray Library patrons.

Here are a few of her recent reviews on MurrayLibrary.org.

Chains and Forge – Laurie Halse Anderson
Strength in What Remains – Tracy Kidder
29 by Adena Halpern 

Shopping at the pretend grocery store at the West Valley Rec Center.

Best Music of 2010

As is always the case, I find an album that I get excited to put atop my Best Of list, only to discover that it was released the previous year. So, before I start, let me give a little shout out to the 2009's "Weathervanes" by Freelance Whales, the album that I loved the most in 2010.



And now back to the list for this year, though I'm sure I left some things out.

Albums

Best repeat listen 
Tokyo Police Club - Champ
Long a fan of Tokyo Police Club, I was disappointed with the almost childlike feel of their new record. But when I saw them perform the material live, my mind was instantly changed. I have been singing "Favourite Colour" ever since.
Favourite Colour

Best 32 minutes of getting yelled at
The Thermals - Personal Life 
Shouty and brash, the best albums by The Thermals always feel like a pummeling. The band has smoothed out some of the edges over the years but "Personal Life" still operates in verbal attack mode.
Never Listen to Me

Best invitation to the dance floor
Taio Cruz  - Rokstarr
Taio Cruz may need some spelling lessons, but he's teaches the class on getting the party started. "Rokstarr" is textbook good times -- big beats, bigger hits, and an ultra-trashy duet with ultra-trashy Ke-dollarsign-ha.
Dynamite

Best turning of that frown upside down
Rogue Wave - Permalight
Rogue Wave is usually so delightfully melancholy. "Permalight" shows the band is just as impressive when they channel their efforts into upbeat, danceable indie rock. 
Solitary Gun

Best solo album that sounds like a full-band album
Brandon Flowers - Flamingo
It's a bit softer and a bit twangier than a Killers album, but Brandon Flowers brings the same knack for high drama and catchy hooks to his debut solo release. 
Crossfire

Best local band hitting the big time
Neon Trees - Habits
It's great to have known them as a local band, but it's even more exciting to see our very own Neon Trees hit the big time, with huge singles "Animal" and "1983." 
Animal

Best hip-hop crossover
B.o.B. - The Adventures of Bobby Ray
Mr. Ray is just as comfortable gettin' down and dirty with rap heavy hitters like T.I. and Lupe Fiasco as he is singing with Paramore's Hayley Williams or Weezer's Rivers Cuomo. 
Magic (feat. Rivers Cuomo)

Best getting back to basics
Alkaline Trio - This Addiction

This may not be the best record Alkaline Trio has put out in the last few years, but it's nice to hear them strip some of the goth away from their once-raw sound.
American Scream 

Honorable Mentions

Motion City Soundtrack - My Dinosaur Life
Streetlight Manifesto - 99 Songs of a Revolution: Vol. I
The National - High Violet
Matt & Kim - Sidewalks
Jimmy Eat World - Invented
Gaslight Anthem - American Slang
Four Year Strong - Enemy of the World
Deftones - Diamond Eyes
Bad Religion - The Dissent of Man
Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
Apache, The - Apache, The 


Misc.

Best thing to come out of Utah County
Drew Danburry - Goodnight Dannii
The curiously titled "Nirvana, by Kurt Cobain" is not about Nirvana or Kurt Cobain. But both the band and the deceased icon should be pleased to be connected to such a beautifully sad song about giving your love to music and not getting any in return.
Nirvana, by Kurt Cobain

Best use of a Rihanna hook
Eminem Love the Way You Lie
Rihanna is the best part of any song. She's even better when she's teamed up with the only artist in a more dysfunctional relationship than herself. (Second best use of a Rihanna hook; Kanye West, "All of the Lights.")
All the Lights

Ah, the Google Search

Of course, one of the best reasons to have a blog is Google Analytics. What's more fun than seeing reports of where your visitors are coming from and what they're searching for?

For years, the search that brings the most folks to the Manifesto is some variant of "Shauna Thomas Fox 13." (It's usually something like "Shauna Thomas Nude," "Shauna Thomas Softcore," etc.) Clearly there are still a lot of people interested in the former morning reporter's role as "Party Girl #3" in Bikini Hotel. (See the original post here.)

But I just ran across another search tonight that's waaaay on the other end of the spectrum - "law of chastity gospel principles lesson." I'd forgotten about this post called "Gettin' Down with the Law of Chastity." I hope the poor Googler didn't go then on to read my next post called "Stickin' It to Chastity" where I offered up this gem:

"You could always put a piece of candy in your mouth and then spit it on the ground and say 'Who wants it now?!'"

I don't think the lesson would have gone over real well.

Though I am flattered that my post shows up on the same page as links to LDS.org, LDS Living, and the School of Abraham, it's kind of a buyer beware situation. Sorry, internet.

In Order: Nirvana Albums

At age 12, my musical world was forever shaped by Mr. Cobain. Though I don't spend a lot of time listening to Nirvana these days (though I did recently commission Ty to get me a bunch of the Outcesticide bootlegs--thanks, Ty), I still happily get sucked in to reading every Kurt Cobain book that gets published.

As an aside, if you haven't checked it out, I'd highly recommend the documentary About a Son. After watching it, I finally let go of my Courtney-killed-Kurt beliefs. And it made me incredibly sad. ["An intimate and moving meditation on the late musician and artist Kurt Cobain, based on more than 25 hours of previously unheard audiotaped interviews conducted with Cobain by noted music journalist Michael Azerrad for his book Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana."]

At any rate, here's how I would rank Nirvana's proper releases:

In Utero
Nevermind
Incesticide
Bleach

I would rank the live stuff thusly:

MTV Unplugged in New York
From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah
Live at Reading

So What? I'm Still I'm Rockstar.

Paige used to tell me that she wanted to be an astronaut when she grew up. Now she says she wants to be a singer. Women. Always changing their minds.

Seeing that she refuses to let me even take her picture, I had to be super sneaky with the video camera to capture this performance of her reworking of "So What?" by Pink.




I must admit, she's not kidding when she declares, "I've got my rock moves."

Reviews: Kanye West, Kid Cudi

I was very much looking forward to Kanye's Beautiful, Dark, Twisted Fantasy, thinking it would be his greatest masterpiece (though it would be hard to beat 808s, which I found amazing). Alas, it was not nearly as dark or twisted as I had hoped for. For all of the work he put into it, much of the record falls flat for me. (Read my full review here). Nevertheless, there are definitely some moments of awesomeness.

Make sure to check out All of the Lights (feat. Rihanna) and Runaway.

I also gave a listen to the new record by Kanye's protege Kid Cudi. After a great debut, Man on the Moon II is a real drag. There was very little that I loved here (see full review) but I do like the moody title track Mr. Rager.

Weezer - Jamie

I was more interested in watching the Weezer show than recording it, but when they busted out Jamie (one of three b-sides including You Gave Your Love to Me Softly and Susanne) and Rivers came into the crowd right in front of us, I figured I best get out my Flip camera. Here's a few seconds of the song.

Sometimes your bathroom sink is filled with monster trucks.

In Order: Weezer

I've obvs. been thinking a lot about Weezer lately. Here's how I'd rank their albums (best on top):

Pinkerton (1996)
Blue Album (1994)
Green Album (2001)
Raditude (2009)
Make Believe (2005)
Red Album (2008)
Hurley (2010)
Maladroit (2002)

The Best Part of Coming Home from Vacation

I tucked Paige into bed my first night back from New York. I heard her softly say, "This is best day ever."

"Why is this such a good day?" I asked.

"Because you're home from your vacation."

Melts a dad's heart (not unlike a blue sucker).

In Order: Television Comedy

Of shows I currently watch on TV, I would rank them thusly, in terms of funniness:

1. Modern Family
2. 30 Rock
3. The Office

Keep in mind, we're talking this very moment, not historically or collectively.

Strangely, the order changes when I rate on the order in which I enjoy the shows:

1. Modern Family
2. The Office
3. 30 Rock

Comedies (excluding The Simpsons) have a short life-span. Generally, by the third season, most of the good stuff has already been squeezed out. Hence, the perfectness of Arrested Development.

*As an aside, I really tried to like Community, giving it a shot for almost the entire first season. Just can't get into it. I love The Soup. I loved the episode with Vaughan, the boyfriend with small nipples. I even like the girl who plays Annie (mostly because I like her as Trudy on Mad Men). But all the parts just don't form a whole for me. There, I said it.

In Order: Cake

If I were to rank Cake album's in order of how much I like them (favs on top), I'd have to say:

Fashion Nugget (1996)
Motorcade of Generosity (1994)
Comfort Eagle (2001)
Prolonging the Magic (1998)
Pressure Chief (2004)

Cake is a band I like, but not one I spend a ton of time thinking about. As I look over their discography, I'm reminded that other than the solid-throughout Fashion Nugget, the makeup of most Cake albums is half great songs, half so-so songs.

Nevertheless, I anxiously await the arrival of Showroom of Compassion next month.

Ice, Ice Baby

I think I overestimated how good of an ice skater I was 8 years ago--the last time I wore a pair of skates, or 20 years ago when I took lessons at Murray Park.

I struggled just to stay upright at Central Park, but it was still a great time. And talk about a magical afternoon. I witnessed both a marriage proposal and an 8-year-old's birthday party.

I have no photos of these events, due the no-cameras-on-the-ice policy. Ty may have some. He got busted not once but twice for exposing his contraband picture machine. It's a miracle he didn't get us kicked out of the rink (or New York City itself).

Memories Make Me Want to Go Back There

The Weezer show was everything I could have hoped for. Sooo good. They started off with a "time machine" set--rockin' hits from each of their albums, starting with "Memories" and working their way back chronologically. (Standouts were the three b-sides You Gave You Love to Me Softly, Susanne, Jamie.)

Pt. I was high energy and fun--Rivers running around in the crowd, etc.--followed by an intermission, where long-time manager Karl showed a slideshow of band memories (awesome).

Pt. II was all business.

They played Pinkerton in it's entirety, without saying a word. It was straight-forward, note-for-note, and perfect. Every song was amazing and, just like the record, got even better at the end.

When they reached Butterfly, I still wanted more but knew there was nothing left. Rivers apologized. In song. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorrr-er-y."

And then to walk out of the club after an amazing show and into the lights of Time Square? Pretty amazing.

(Best. Christmas present. Ever. Thank you, dear wife.)

I just paid for a coat check for the first time in my life. This concert better be good.

I'm on my way to 1996. I hope it's as good as I remember.

I am about to pay 21 dollars to ice skate in Central Park.

The Office...Live

After Tim and I spent the afternoon shopping, Ty arrived from PA. We met up with Ty's buddy and Noah for dinner and then went to a comedy show at the Upright Citizens Brigade. We were pleased to see that Gabe from The Office was part of the improv team. He's a lot funnier and swearier in person.

Let's Hear It For New York

We were on the subway from the airport and of course the first song we heard was "Empire State of Mind."

The second subway train we rode had some sort of vomit on the floor.

Let's hear for New York, New York.

No Sleep Til Brooklyn

I cannot sleep on airplanes. It is 2 in the morning, I have watched two hours of Mad Men and still nothing. Oh, so tired.

Feels Like Christmas Eve

Traci bought me the best Christmas gift of all time - tickets to see Weezer in New York. And this isn't any just any Weezer show. They are playing Pinkerton in it's entirety. Could I ask for anything more? I don't believe so.

Hey Josh McDaniels, I Feel Ya

Much like the ailing Denver Broncos, I was not able turn the season around this week. I am now 1-13.

Q&A with Santa Claus

Old Saint Nick made a guest appearance again this year at the Primary Christmas party. In the past, Paige has wanted nothing to do with the guy (other than freely accepting his gifts, of course).

This is the first year that Paige has gone to the party unattended, so when I picked her up, I was curious to see how it went. I was able to gather that she did, in fact, sit on Santa's lap and that she asked for a Tinkerbell doll. But I didn't get this part of the story, which was delivered to Traci by one of the other moms.

Apparently, when she got on his lap, she put Santa on the hot seat.

"I just have one question," she said. "Why are elves invisible?"

Santa didn't address the why as much as the how.

"They wear invisibility belts."

Paige was content with the answer.

Song of the Day: The Kooks - Sway

Generally, not a fan of whiny British voices. But the Kooks have got everything I need. Seriously, so good.

Music Reviews: Matt & Kim, Weezer

Matt Kim - Sidewalks

Matt & Kim, aka the happiest couple in rock ’n’ roll, have always loved to get down. At the end of each show, they ditch their punk rock keyboards and drums, turn on the drum machine, and come out in the crowd to get the dance party started. “Sidewalks” is like the soundtrack for the afterparty. The record, the duo’s third, was made for the club. The hooks are as catchy as ever, but this time around, the usual bare-bones arrangements have been injected with a heavy dose of production — most notably huge hip-hop beats. There a bunch of great songs here (“Block After Block,” “Cameras,” “Red Paint,” “Wires”), but the record’s glossy sheen smooths out many of the wrinkles that make this band so fun to listen to. These songs will likely play better live, when they’re stripped down to the simple keyboards and drums that have induced booty-shaking for the past half decade.


Rating: 3 of 4




Weezer - Death to False Metal

You best watch your step or you’ll trip over a new Weezer album —the band has put out four in the past three years. “Death to False Metal” is a collection of newly recorded, old material. With any b-sides disc, you expect a few things: One or two good songs, some OK stuff, and a few weird ones. Probably the biggest disappointment with “False Metal” is the lack of the last category. The record begins with two catchy toe-tappers (“Turning Up the Radio,” “I Don’t Want Your Loving”) before falling into the formulaic mediocrity that has plagued each of Weezer’s past few records. It would be nice to hear some grand gestures, even if they were great disasters —just to know the band is still trying. Unfortunately, the only deviations from the norm are the slightly nu metal “Everyone,” the trudging cover of Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart” and the spacey “Autopilot.” Still, there are a few rough gems (check out the moody “Trampoline”) and, for a b-sides album, that’s all you can really ask for.

Rating: 2.5 of 4

"You're Just Not Good at Fake Sports"

That's what my friend (and Fantasy Football league commissioner) Kaleb told me when I when I dropped to 0-8 this season. I thought the ninth week would be my week. It wasn't. Or maybe week 10 or 11. They weren't.

13 was, in fact, my lucky number. I am now 1-12-0.

What a turnaround! And I made it without having to fire my coach mid-season (though I hope it works for my beloved Broncos).

Internet Counseling

There's not a whole lot of sibling love at the Sutherland home right now. It's to the point where I was just thinking I should look to the internet for help--maybe Google something like "fighting kids help." But then I was wondering if I'd get a bunch of pages helping me fight kids. (A skill I may need, if I can't get things worked out between Paige and Curtis. Curtis can already take me down, if I'm not watching.)

The Triumphant Return of Max Power

Baby number 3.
I tried to convince Traci not to find out if it was another Paige or another Curtis.
She agreed to the plan.
But I knew she's never go through with it.
Ultra sound.
"Yes, of course, we'd like to know what kind it is."
Another Max Power.

Letter to the Big Man

Dear Santa,


Here is what I want for Christmas. I want a new DS because we don’t have a DS yet. Some paper because we don’t have any paper to use. I want the Sorry game. And for Christmas I want a Tangled movie. You are good at giving presents to every kid who is good. Giving presents to the kids who are good is your job.

Love,

Paige

Do I Love America? Do I Love Barack Obama? Do I Love Chia Pets? You Betcha.

I do love America. And this may be the best commercial in the history of liberty and justice.

I am Mitchell, the Gay Guy from Modern Family

Apparently, we share the same brain. And use it to plot the death of the Dora the Explorer.

MITCHELL [on being a stay-at-home dad]: I am losing my mind. As much as I love Lily, which is more than life itself, I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home dad. But, you know, it’s Cameron’s turn. It’s Cameron’s turn to be out in the world. Interacting with other grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer…. [Under his breath] I’d fill her backpack with bricks and throw her in the Candy Cane River.

What Do They Say? The Best Things in Life are Something, Something...

For all of the joys of Disneyland, the kids had just as much fun--if not more--during our visit to Laguna Beach. (I, however, was disappointed that I saw characters absolutely no characters from my any of the seasons of Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County. Kristen? LC? Talon? Where are you? )

This was the first time either of our kids had seen the ocean. They both loved it. Curtis was content to spend his time away from the water, busy with his shovel and bucket. But with the help of her cousin, Paige was more brave. The girls would wait at the edge of the tide until the water hit their toes and then run off in a cloud of squeals.

One time, they underestimated the water a bit and Paige went down. She hopped up quickly and made her way straight to us.

"I fell in the water and it almost washed me away."

"I know, I saw."

"Are you happy that it didn't wash me away?"

"Yes, very happy."

"I'm happy that it didn't wash me away, too."




 

As Far As Thanksgiving Mornings Go

This one has been pretty good. I listened to both Plans and Transatlanticism by Death Cab while I did a puzzle with Paige and then tore through Teenage Bottlerocket's They Came From the Shadows. Now if I could just find some turkey...

If You Like Jimmy Eat World

If you're locked in your house thanks to a Salt Lake City blizzard, I've got something to cheer you up. I ran into this YouTube playlist tonight of Jimmy Eat World b-sides. You know it's good because it's called Jimmy Eats World. Who knew the band had so many great rarities?

This Week's Music: Sujfan, Bruno Mars, No Age

Sufjan Stevens, The Age of Adz -- I generally like about half of every Sufjan album (the soft, less annoying stuff). This one was far too complicated for me. 

Bruno Mars, Doo-wops and Hooligans -- Bruno Mars is getting lots of pop praise. I didn't love it. 

No Age, Everything In Between -- If you like the catchy surf punk, drenching in layers of noise (which I do), you should enjoy this. (They also get points for the best artwork and packaging I've seen in a long time.)

Disneyland: Day 2 & Beyond

I spoke too soon. My review of Day 1 would have been drastically different had I written my post at 4:30 a.m.--the time that Curtis finally went to sleep. There was rustling and rolling and fighting and screaming and kicking and lots of chocolate milk and endless begging to please just go to sleep. So much fun at Disneyland, even before we ever made it to the front gate.

With all of the Curtis trials, we didn't have any time to worry about Paige. We had planned out the first morning in the park to include all of the least scary things--the little train, the Story Book boat, etc.--so Curtis wouldn't freak out (a lesson learned from our last trip with Paige). This meant separating from my sisters and their older kids. This also meant that Paige spent the first three hours complaining that she wanted to be with the rest of the group.

After a trip to It's a Small World and two rides on the Goofy rollercoaster, Paige proclaimed, "I'm not mad anymore." And from there on, she had a great trip. And why not? She was able to celebrate her fifth birthday not once, but thrice ("I'll have a California Adventure birthday...and a beach birthday...and a Disneyland birthday.").

For the most part, Curtis was better than we could have hoped for. He spent a good deal of time feeling indifferent, but he loved Small World, the Teacups, and the Nemo ride--oh, and lying in the middle of the walkways, driving his monster trucks on the ground.

After the first night, sleeping got better and the only other disastrous moment was the 45 continuous minutes that he screamed on the flight home. (My apologies to everyone on that flight.)

And now for the pictures...

 

This face says he is either about to, or just finished, doing something evil.




Cousin Meagan was the best part of Paige's trip.


The sunglasses twins loved Dumbo.

Curtis was a little less sure.

Disneyland: Day 1

The Lego store was the highlight of Downtown Disney

We survived Day 1 of the Disneyland adventure. My biggest fear was that Curtis would go berserk on the airplane. Other than some minor fighting, we made it successfully from the SLC to the LGB. It was once we were California that Curtis decided to scream bloody murder--all the airport to the hotel. 

Gifts

Paige: [from the bathroom] Dad, I only have three SweetTarts left.

Me: Okay, I'll have one and you can have the rest.

Paige: [comes down to the kitchen and hands me one] Okay, but I haven't washed my hands yet.

Bad Religion - The Dissent of Man

I doubt many of you will be interested in my incredibly long review of Bad Religion's millionth album, "The Dissent of Man." So I'll save you a bit of time.

The band changes up their style a little bit. When it works, it really works. I'd recommend checking out these tunes:

Only Rain
Cynaide

However, much of the album falls short.

Okay, let's do this thing.



Bad Religion took a risk. Once. The year was 1983. After the brilliantly scathing debut, "How Could Hell Be Any Worse?" the band of teenage punks tried something different -- they put out an EP called "Into the Unknown." With all of its keyboards and reverb, the EP sounds like Bad Religion trying to score a "Tron" sequel. The detour was short lived. By 1985, they were back to their signature sound and they haven't looked back since.

Twenty-five years later, the godfathers of SoCal punk are shaking things up again, albeit on a much smaller scale. "The Dissent of Man" shows Bad Religion doing something very unfamilar -- looking inward. The usual lyrics about politics and (the lack of) God, give way to something much more personal. New words appear, like "loneliness," "hurt," and -- if you can believe it -- "love."

The band also expands the sonic palette. As usual, guitarist and songwriter Brett Gurewitz delivers plenty of militant, "Recipe for Hate"-era riffs ("Meeting of the Minds"). But this time around, he also allows his folk/country side to a sneak into the mix ("Cyanide"). 

It's clear that the focus of "Dissent" is on crafting songs, rather than just making statements. That's all fine and good in theory, but does it make for a good Bad Religion record?

Sort of.

The record feels divided between the new, introspective tunes and the usual cerebral preaching. The best moments come from the former. "The Wrong Way Kids" manages to both reminisce on younger days and recognize the failings of adulthood ("The kids today are gone away petitioning the dust/With nobody to look up to because they're looking up to us.") "Turn Your Back on Me" is a heartfelt look at love lost. And "Only Rain" may be the best in the band's long list of songs about faith and God ("Rain fell like judgment across my windowpane/Said it fell like judgment, but it was only rain.")

Much of the rest feels like filler, or at least shows less conviction. "Someone to Believe" works well in the Bad Religion formula -- lightning-fast verses and harmony-filled choruses -- but others with the same pattern fall short ("The Day the Earth Stalled," "Ad Hominem"). The worst offender is "The Resist Stance" where the band completely phones in a call to anti-authoritarian arms. 

Even with its weaknesses, "The Dissent of Man" is an important release for fans who have stuck with the band for the past three decades. It shows the band is willing to test its limits, if only just a little.    

The Scariest Place on Earth

Kids are supposed to love Disneyland, right? We're heading there in a few days and we've been leveraging it for months. It's like a second Christmas. "Paige, if you don't eat your dinner, we won't go to Disneyland." Fantastic.

But it doesn't work on Curtis. The boy--who is deathly scared of everything--constantly tells me he doesn't want to go to Disneyland.

From Sunday morning:

Me: Come on, Curtis. We need to get ready for church.
Curtis: No. I don't WAN. GO. CHURCH.
Me: [Feeling the same, but still trying to distract him] This time next week, we're going to be in Disneyland!
Curtis: I don't wan go Disneyland. I WAN. GO. CHURCH!

Wow. That was unexpected--a kid choosing to go to church over Disneyland. Maybe this will give some spiritual balance to our family, given that Paige is always worried that Heavenly Father is trying to steal her stuff.

Things are NOT okay at preschool

He's back. That's right, Hunter.

It turns out, he wasn't stolen by wild animals or eaten by ravenous wolves. He was, in fact, in Hawaii with this family.

Welcome back, Hunter. You better watch your back, little man.

More Birds, More Bees (Less Insects)

I was right all along. Preschool is an evil place. More lessons on growing up:

Part I

Paige: I have so many best friends at school.
Me: That's great. Who are your best friends?
Paige: Shaelee and Riley and Kylie and Alana.
Me: Wow. That is a lot of best friends.
Paige: And I have one boyfriend.
Me: You do? Who is your boyfriend?
Paige: Hunter.
Me: Hunter, huh? Well, what's a boyfriend?
Paige: Hunter's my boyfriend.
Me: Why is Hunter your boyfriend?
Paige: Because Hunter wanted a girlfriend.

Oh, this little Hunter better watch out when he meets his girlfriend's dad.

Pt. II

I didn't need to snuff out Hunter. It looks like life did that for me.

Paige: Hunter wasn't at school today.
Me: Oh, he wasn't?
Paige: No. Maybe he had a cold.

[Two days later.]

Paige: Hunter wasn't at school again.
Me: Really, what happened to him?
Paige: Maybe he was taken away. By animals.

Yes, uh, animals. See you around, Hunter.

Mo' Zoo Fun

Couldn't have asked for a better day.

At the Zoo

Taking advantage of a 70 degree November day.

Anarchy Evolution

Traci asked me to pick up a book that she had on hold at the library. I browsed until I found our last name.

"Anarchy Evolution?" Wow. Traci's into some cool stuff lately, I thought. Usually, she's either reading stuff about women's rights in the Middle East or romance novels set in the Victorian era.

I looked a little closer. Oh, wait. It was my hold. Bummer about Traci. But cool that Greg Graffin's [singer of Bad Religion] new book finally arrived.

I'm sure Traci will want to borrow it when I'm done.

I'm Ron Burgundy?

F

Stay classy, Planet Earth.

Every year I say I'm going to wear a Halloween costume to work. And then I, of course, decide I don't want to take the time to actually plan or execute anything. Fortunately Tim, or Brick Tamland as it were, decided we all dress up together and pay homage to our favorite movie, Anchorman.

Everyone knows that the best scene of the movie is when all the different stations get together and have their street fight. [Let's go over the groundrules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face... AND THAT'S IT!]  We figured it would be fitting to use each character's weapon of choice as a prop. 

With a bit of tinfoil, Tim easily refashioned a pitchfork into a trident and Kaleb had no trouble getting Brian Fantana's sword. Josh Burgundy didn't have a couch leg or bedpost or whatever handy, so he settled for a billy club. I thought any local Halloween shop would have the brass knuckles I needed, but alas, no.

Me, to stereotypical girl-who-works-at-Halloween-store: Do you have brass knuckles?

Girl: I'm assuming you mean fake brass knuckles. Because you know brass knuckles are illegal in Utah. [I didn't know that and actually found it a little odd that she did.] Please tell me you mean fake brass knuckles.

At this point, I was pretty sure I had stumbled into a Halloween store that was just a front for illegal brass knuckles. What was I supposed to do now? Was this a situation where I was supposed to say, "Yeah, they're totally illegal, wink wink. I suuure wouldn't know where to look if I was trying to find some."

Instead, I just reponded, "Yeah, I think fake brass knuckles will work just fine."

Girl: Well, we don't have any.

Hmm. Okay. 

Josh noticed that they did sell a nice five-finger "PIMP" ring. He said I could just scrape off the "pimp" and make my own brass knuckles. Ingenious, yes. But who wants to spoil a perfectly good pimp ring? I settled for good ol' fashioned tinfoil and let the viewing public fill in the blanks.

Kaleb was grossed out when he discovered his fake mustache was made with real hair and quite upset when he found it didn't come with any glue or tape. Being the MacGyver that he is, he made it work with a generous application of glue stick to his upper lip. (But paid the price upon removal.)

Jessie woke up sick and nearly missed starring as Veronica Corningstone all together. Realizing that this would have resulted in her permanent ban from work-related friendship, she pulled herself together, plastered her hair down, and took one for the team.

The result? Well, it was more than just the pretty picture seen above. The Channel 4 news team was rewarded with the prestigious honor of 3rd place in the "group costume" division, earning us a $20 gift certificate to a yet-unknown destination. Not $20 each, mind you (we're a nonprofit)--$20 to split amongst the five of us. A just reward.

---

Sex Panther: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time. 

When I was an Alien

Tonight we finished up band practice with a cover of Nirvana's "Territorial Pissings." I was thinking about it and I've been playing that song for the past 15 years. That struck me because 1) That's half my life and 2) Though I'm not sure exactly when Kurt Cobain wrote it, I'm guessing he didn't play I longer than maybe five years. Weird.

We're Pulling Paige from Primary

"In Primary I learned about wise and foolish," Paige said, unprovoked, as we drove up Big Cottonwood canyon in a last ditch effort to see the changing leaves.

"Oh, did you sing 'The Wise Man Built His House Upon a Rock?'" I asked.

"No, we learned about what things are wise and what things are foolish." Then she asked, "How do you spell wise?"

I told her and she wrote in it down on the paper she was holding in her car seat in the back of the van.

"That's great. What things are wise?"

"Umm, saying prayers," she answered. "How do you spell 'prayers?'"

She wrote it under "wise."

"What's foolish?" I asked.

"Saying bad words. How do you spell 'bad words?'" She started a new list.

When we stopped to get out of the car, Traci noticed that Paige had already taken her car seat straps off while we were driving. Traci told her that was not okay. Paige was not pleased with the reproval.

"Mom," said our little, four-year-old pre-teen. "I don't want to hear it."

And then she dropped some serious Sunbeam knowledge.

"Mom, I'm putting your name on the foolish list."

And then, of course, she asked me how to spell Traci's name.

Paigey, No Swiping

Our kids fight over everything. Tonight it was Swiper the Fox. Paige, well, swiped it and then headed up to play with it in her room, leaving Curtis screaming downstairs with Traci and me.

About 20 minutes later, Paige returned with the kleptomaniac fox, now willing to share. Kind of.

"Here, Curtis. You can play with Swiper now."

Before he could even utter his usual "Tank-oo" in response, Paige made it clear that she was still in control.

"You can play with it because I'm bored with it."

Such a gem.

Picture Perfect

Sometimes, the only reward of having kids is being able to take cute pictures of them. But even that can be a struggle.

Both of our kids have gone through phases where they refuse to have their picture taken. Whether it's Curtis having to grab the lens every time he sees a camera, or Paige who may just turn completely around, there have been very few seconds when both kids are actually willing to say cheese at the same time.

We have stumbled upon one of those rare moments. The only problem? Paige has now introduced a "camera smile." It's more than just a particular smile. She closes one eye, tilts her head to the side, and cocks her arm and thumb like she's doing the Elaine Benes dance on Seinfeld.

Don't believe me? Here. (Disclaimer: Traci was at work, so I was responsible for Paige's hairdo during our trip to Gardner Village.)







Still pretty cute, I guess.

Because the Sutherlands Make Sanitary Conditions a Top Priority...

...We allow, nay, encourage Curtis to walk around with his head inside of his Dora the Explorer booster toilet seat.

Monday Morning Mommy

Traci goes to work earlier on Mondays now. That means I drop the kids off at Grandma's on my way to work. It's a lot harder than I would have guessed.

Last week, Traci asked, "What happened here after I left this morning?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"Well, the heat was up, all of the lights were on, an so were both of the TVs."

Hmmm.

Today. I got to Grandma's without Paige's backpack, her favorite toy, or apparently having combed her hair. And, my mother was quick to point out, my shirt was not only wrinkled, but "embarrassing."

Once I ditched the kids, I was free to roll into work in our sweet minivan, so it was all worth it. I put the swagger in swagger wagon.

To the Extreme (Makeover)

Of course I watched the first episode of Vanilla Ice's reality show about flipping houses. And yes, I liked it.

Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World, Movielike

The jury is still out on Jimmy Eat World's new album Invented. But I've made up my mind that I love this track.

Jimmy Eat World - Movielike

The Importance of Heavy Metal Hair, as told by Dave Mustaine

While the rest of the modern world was reading Mockingjay, I had my nose stuck in "Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir."

For those of you who won't be reading the autobiography of Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine, (who am I kidding, none of you will read it) I'll share the best part:

"Everyone had long hair in those days, with the exception of the punk bands. In hard rock and heavy metal, hair was long, and within that framework a decision was to be made:

Up or down.

You were either like Page and Plant (hair down, and thus cool) or you were like KISS, Mötley Crüe and so many other imitators (hair up, and thus not so cool). My hair went down. Always did, always will."

You can read my full review here.

Restoration v. Exploration

They were showing a church video while the kids got dressed after my nephew's baptism today.

ME: Curtis, do you want to move over to those other seats so we can see the show?

CURTIS: A show? I wanna watch Dora.

Our life is filled with disappointment.

Birds, Bees, Bugs

Me: Paige, what did you learn about at school today?

Paige: Sex.

Me: WHAT?!

Paige: Insects.

Me: Oh. Yeah. Insects. Right. Good. Very well then.

Song(s) of the Day: Dan Deacon

Slightly chilly, fall weather. Seems like a good morning for some spastic electronica.

Dan Deacon - Slow with Horns Run for Life
Dan Deacon - Snookered

This Week's Music: Weezer, Brandon Flowers, The Thermals

'Twas a great week for music. All three of these records have already made it into heavy rotation on my iPod. Click on the links for full reviews. 

Weezer - Hurley Not quite as a solid as "Raditude" (a record I dearly love), but still ultra-catchy.

Brandon Flowers - Flamingo It's just like a Killers album, only more countrified.

The Thermals - Personal Life If you like garage punk where the singer just yells at you (and who doesn't?), you won't be disappointed.

Some highlights:

Weezer - Ruling Me
Brandon Flowers - Crossfire
The Thermals - Never Listen to Me

What Time Is It?

Curtis, holding my watch up to his face: What does it say?

Me, looking at the time: 8:25

Curtis, disagreeing: No, it says 'No boys in Paigey's room.'

Clearly, the latest sign Paige hung on her bedroom door is doing its job.