Dancing Nun, Thanks Belgium

Traci sent me a link to this story a few days ago with the comment, "This nun is still european and can't resist the techno beat."

The story was published all over the place, but it took me a really long time to track down the actual picture. I was hoping it would be more scandalous.

"Belgian sister Johanne Vertomme (L) 29, from Loppem, Belgium is seen dancing with Mark (no surname given), a missionary, during the Catholic World Youth Day, in Cologne Germany, August 20, 2005. The Belgian nun's acrobatic and indecorous dancing with the missionary during the Catholic World Youth Day in Germany over the weekend earned her a reprimand from her mother superior, a Belgian paper said August 22, 2005. "I wouldn't do this at home but at such occasions I get carried away by the enthusiasm of the group," the 29-year-old told the paper later. "My mother superior raised the issue today: she thinks I should watch out a bit and bear in mind that I represent our community," Vertommen said. Pope Benedict attended the celebration at the Marienfeld, outside Cologne, in the presence of some 700,000 people. Picture taken August 20, 2005. QUALITY FROM SOURCE BELGIUM OUT EDITORIAL USE ONLY NO THIRD PARTY SALES REUTERS/Stringer"

Spencer vs. George Bush

I was a bit disturbed when I read an article in Salt Lake Tribune about President Bush's visit to Utah today. I wasn't upset that the President was coming, nor was I upset that there were protests. I felt pretty much indifferent toward all of that. What bothered me, was the following:
"The president's schedule called for him to depart Utah immediately following his VFW Convention appearance and head to the tiny town of Donnelly, Idaho, where he was to spend a couple of days mountain biking and relaxing prior to a speech Wednesday before a National Guard group in Nampa, Idaho."

This is the third article that I've read this week about the President and his mountain biking. Now I admit, I am not always hangin' out with celebs like Shelley Osterloh, but my job still keeps me pretty busy. To complete my small number of responsibilities, I have to go to work basically everyday.

The President has a really important job. I would imagine that he has a lot more to worry about in his job than I do at mine. Why is it, though, he only has to go work maybe half of the time? I mean, he visits Veterans in Utah to promote Social Security reform for an hour and a half and then he needs to take two days off to go mountain biking in Idaho before he talks to Veterans there for an hour and a half? Something seems a little screwy here.

Previously:

George Bush vs. Seth Cohen
Michael Moore Comes to UVSC

Jeffery "Scrotum Bag" Barnes

Maybe the reason we don't have cable tv is because we don't want to be called names.

From Yahoo:

Wed Aug 17, 8:30 PM ET

CHICAGO - LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish — a language she doesn't understand.

But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."

"I was like you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."

Govan said the only thing she did to Comcast employees that might be considered rude came after a few dozen calls when she felt she was treated shabbily. "I did tell them, 'You know what, it has to be a qualification to work for your company that you have to be rude,'" she said.

Govan said she talked to a supervisor and he offered her two months free service, which she turned down.

Finally Wednesday, about two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine in which the caller apologized.

Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened.

"We only use the actual customers names on the bill," said Patricia Andrews-Keenan, a Comcast spokeswoman.

Company officials went through the records and identified two people who were involved with the name change and fired them, Andrews-Keenan said. It's unknown why the employees did it.

In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to "Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes."

"I had no bad words at all. I guess the earliest letter is dated in May and from then on up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."

Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action.

A Peoples Energy spokeswoman called the letter inexcusable.

Spencer Hearts TV

(George Bluth and Richard Simmons demonstrating the infamous Corn Baller)

Hooray for TV. In anticipation of the upcoming Fall season, Fox has decided to run an episode from the second season of Arrested Development every night at 11 p.m. for two weeks in place of the worse-than-awful Dharma and Greg. If you missed the first week, don't make the same mistake next week!

Favorite quote from last night's episode:

Buster: (holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

If that's not exciting enough news, Dutch public TV has started streaming the soap opera Onderweg Naar Morgen! UITEINDELIJK! What more can a brother ask for?

Family Reunion Fun

Over the weekend I had the opportunity of attending the annual Aagard Family Reunion (my mom's side of the family) . My grandpa and his twin brother, Welby, are both sheep ranchers and the reunion is always held at Welby's ranch.

When you're going to a reunion on a ranch it makes perfect sense to arrive on a four wheeler, which I did. It also makes sense that there are horses around for the kids to ride once they get there.

However, the reunion had some unexpected twists as well. For example, I wasn't expecting a hula hoop competition where I would learn that my mother secretly has wicked hula skills. I was also unaware that one of Welby's sons is a polygamist with two wives and 19 children and that three of his daughters would want to entertain the reunion crowd by tap dancing to "Cotton-Eyed Joe" and three subsequent remixes of "Cotton-Eyed Joe." I guess reunions are all about getting to better know your family.

"Preserving the Integrity of American Idol"

Breathe a sigh of relief, everyone. The Fox network has completed their all-important probe into the Corey Clark/Paula Abdul scandal. Fox says, “This decision to begin an inquiry was motivated by a profound commitment to preserve the integrity of the ’American Idol’ competition.”

Thank you. I have enough stress in my life and I don't exactly know if I could handle also having to worry about the integrity of American Idol. That might have just pushed me right over the edge.

Full Story

Johnny Tigthlips' First Show Ever

We played our first show the other night. If you weren't there, here's some of the things you missed out on:

• Us being the opening act for a band called Nokturnal Emission
• Arriving to a parking lot full of teenage mohawks and bondage pants
• Bondage pants being lowered in order to more easily urinate in the parking lot
• The drunk kid who is missing a front tooth and holding a harmonica asking me if I'll give him a dollar so he can buy another beer (the one he's holding is almost gone, and it's not even his - he's just holding it for somebody, he explains)
• Me telling drunk kid that I'd give him a dollar if he could play the best harmonica song in the world (song unspecified)
• Drunk kid playing a song on the harmonica
• Me telling him that it was not only not the best song in the world, but my least favorite song in the world, and that I was completely offended that he had played it
• Drunk kid looking very confused, and then asking me if I could please just give him a dollar
• Us going on stage, allowed to play a 30 minute set
• Us playing for 15 minutes and then promptly departing after our performance
• 50 people at the show: 10 inside, 40 outside getting busted by the cops for underage drinking

Midvale, Rock City

If you weren't at the Circuit last night, you missed the Johnny Tight Lips debut. Shame on you! The show was pretty rockin'. A full review will be posted on the Manifesto shortly. Stay tuned.

August Consumption

Music

Relient K--MMHMM
Death Cab for Cutie--Plans
Matt Sharp - S/T
Pennywise - The Fuse
Fountains of Wayne - Out of State Plates
Nada Surf - The Weight is a Gift
Bayside - S/T
John Vanderslice - Life and Death of an American Fourtracker


Books

A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Cluck Klosterman

Investors Wanted

Attention investors - Mike Neider has decided to buy the Utah Fun Dome, er, I mean the Salt Lake College, oops, I mean the Salt Lake Pavilion and return it to its original glory. That's right, Mike Neider is planning to return Murray's favorite gang-shootout to the Casey's Dugout, Blackbeard's Cove and Rollertown U.S.A. of yesteryear. That's right, he's going to bring back the 49th Street Galleria.

That's what he told me tonight, anyway, while we were celebrating Ty McHenry's imminent departure to Las Vegas at the run-down bowling alley at the Fun Dome. Mike's got big plans. Unfortunately, as he is waiting for his new career as an insurance salesman to start rollin', he will need some financial backing. So, for all of you nostalgic Murrayites out there, ya'll better back up your pride with some cash so Mike can make his dream come true. Come on, you know you want to.

Johnny Tight Lips vs. Metallica

So, Johnny Tight Lips has its first performance this week, playing with three other local bands (including one called Nocturnal Emissions). Aaron was the one responsible for booking the thing, and at band practice the other day he was filling Danny and me in on the details:

Aaron: There's three other bands and the tickets are $7.
Danny: SEVEN BUCKS!!! Who's the headling band, Metallica?!!!
Aaron: It's all local bands.
Danny: Who would pay seven bucks to hear four bands that suck?

Apparently, the maximum price that Danny would pay for a concert is $7.

Previously, Metallica vs. Oingo Boingo and Metallica Ruins Spencer's GMAT score

Anyone Up for a Vinegar Bath?

Traci and I spent the weekend in St. George. Believe it or not, even with my always-super-tan complexion, I sometimes get sunburned. After about an hour at the pool my skin was niceley toasted.

Fortunately, I remembered my friend and bandmate Aaron mentioning how he had used vinegar as a sunburn remedy. I think he said, "It takes away the sting and helps prevent peeling." What a commercial.

So Saturday I found myself in the bathtub of the condo, rubbing vinegar all over myself, wondering if it was possible to die of vinegar inhalation, and feeling a strange craving for Lays Salt and Vinegar potato chips.

It actually worked pretty well. I didn't think to put any vinegar on my head, which was also pretty red, so the next night I took another vinegar bath. I thought I had showered off all of the vinegar smell until yesterday at band practice. We were rockin' down in the un-airconditioned basement and I started sweating. Sniff, sniff. Sniff, sniff. What's that vinegar smell? Apparently vinegar penetrates skin pretty good because I think I was sweating vinegar. Chips, anyone?

How was Alkaline Trio? I wouldn't know.

Alkaline Trio played at In the Venue last night with Death by Stereo and Rise Against. I bet it was a pretty good show. I wasn't there because Traci put the hammer down and said that now that I am a soon-to-be father I am not allowed to go to concerts by myself anymore. (You know how the news is just FULL of kids getting killed at Alkaline Trio shows) Since my concert buddy Ty - living in Logan, and soon to be living in Las Vegas - is unreliable at best, I've got no one to go to shows with. I wanted to go so bad that I begged one of my 15-year-old scouts to go with me. He didn't think that his dad would let him go.

Let this be something to consider for all of you out there thinking about having children.

Oingo Boingo is the New Metallica

If you have ever walked into a guitar store you know that one thing is inevitable: someone will be playing a Metallica guitar solo at full volume. I would imagine that any second of the day someone is playing the beginning of "Unforgiven" or massacring "One." That's how you impress people in a guitar store.

The other day I was at Guitar Center looking at tons of equipment that I'll never be able to afford when I saw a bespectacled fellow in his early 20's trying out a keyboard. What do you play when you try to impress people of your skills when you're playing the keyboard, the geekiest instrument in the band? "Da da-da da-da-da da." Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo. Oingo Boingo, it's the new Metallica.

Spencer vs. Cable Television--Pt. I

If you are one of the few people in this world that I haven’t bored with my thoughts about cable television, then you are very lucky.  Unfortunately, that luck is about to run out: 

After living in a cable-less house for 18 years, I was ecstatic to finally have regular MTV access at my first college apartment.  So you can imagine how upsetting it was to find that by 1998 the only thing on MTV was Road Rules and Master P’s “Make ‘Em Say Uhhhh” video. 

Traci had the opposite experience growing up.  The only time that she was stuck with network television was the two years she was at the U.  When we got married there was absolutely no money in the budget for cable TV.  We inherited a 1983 Zenith television from Traci’s parents and we spent $12 on a bunny-ear antenna.    

This set up works okay – if you’re only into watching one channel.  We figured that Fox would be our one channel, which explains why we watched the entire season of Paradise Hotel and Joe Millionaire Part 2. 

Now that we are slightly less poor (before we become significantly more poor when the baby comes), Traci strongly feels that we need to join the more-than-five-channels world.  Apparently she’s tired of having to perfectly position the bunny ears toward the swiftly passing TV waves in order to see anything more than a slightly-decipherable, fuzzy image.   

I am not opposed to cable TV.  I think it would be nice to watch Sports Center and reruns of Who’s the Boss.  Here’s my problem.  I don’t really think it’s worth $40+ a month.  Since I’m not used to paying for TV, I think that if I started paying now I would feel like I have to come straight home from work everyday and watch TV until I go to bed, you know, so I could get my money’s worth.   And somehow, I don’t feel like adding more TV to my social diet is really what I need.   

With that said, I’m always working on ways to get cable without having to PAY for cable.  With the wonders of the internet, I was sure I’d be able to figure something out.  I made some progress - I learned how to download specific shows, but that’s only for network TV.  I have tried and tried to find VH1’s Best Week Ever to no avail. 

After I moved on from that idea, I started thinking about ways to at least get my network TV to come in clearly.  I decided that I needed one of those big antennas that go on the roof.  I didn’t really want to go this route because I would have to get the thing attached to my roof and then figure out a way to run the antenna cable into my house without drilling a big hole in my ceiling.  But what other choice did I have? 

My first stop was Wal-Mart.  They didn’t have the roof antennas.  I drove across the street to K Mart.  Nope.  I didn’t dare say to a K Mart employee, “Um, where are your rooftop antennas?” for fear they would answer, “A roof antenna? I don’t think they even make those things any more.   Why don’t you just get cable?” I didn’t ask a Wal-Mart employee because I have never once asked a question that hasn’t ended up in the employee saying, “I don’t know, let me ask someone else,” and then this being repeated with three more employees who never know the answer.   

When I was sure there was no hope, my television prayers were answered.  At this point I must mention that the people that lived in our house before us had DishNetwork.  The dish is still on the side of our house.  They couldn’t afford the rent, but they could afford the dish.  Huh.  I was walking down the aisles at Home Depot when I saw that they not only had rooftop antennas, but antennas that fit right onto a satellite dish.  I could just clip the antenna on and use the existing cord that goes into our house.  Perfect!  I gladly shelled out the $75. 

I nearly killed myself getting onto the roof and then again as I tried to hook the antenna up to the dish.  Traci hollered encouragements like, “Don’t fall off the roof.  I don’t want to have a fatherless child.”  After I got it hooked up, I almost killed myself getting back off the roof. 

I went into house and thought that the only thing left to do was plug the TV into the satellite box.  I went to hall closet and opened the top drawer, where the box had been sitting for the last three years.  Not there.  Not there?  Where could it be?  My heart dropped.  I vaguely remembered an internal debate I had had about a year ago.  I was cleaning out said hall closet and thought, “is there any reason why we might need this box?  No, I can’t possible imagine why we would.”  Then there is any even more vague memory of me chucking the box into the garbage.  Not trusting my own memory, I looked through the entire house for the thing.  Nowhere.  Stupid accurate memory.

In desperation, I tried connecting a cord straight from the wall into the back of the TV without the help of the dish box.  Believe it or not, the picture was even worse than with the bunny ears.  Television, I hate you so bad.  It’s lucky that you’ve got The OC on your side or this relationship would be over!

So I find myself back to where I was before.  Cable: 1, Spencer: Nothing. 

Imogen Heap - Speak for Yourself

Just when I thought Seth was never going to hook up with Alex (this is before she had the lesbian romance with Marissa), she kissed him in an empty, darkened Bait Shop.  The whole event was made even better by the perfectly poppy “Goodnight and Go” by Imogen Heap playing in the background.  The second the episode ended, I found the song and downloaded it. 

I checked out Imogen’s website and found that the song was from a forthcoming album, so I had to settle for her solo back catalog.  Major disappointment.  Instead of girly pop fit for The OC, I found angry Alanis Morissette girl rock fit for the trash can.  I chalked “Goodnight and Go” up as an anomaly.  

That’s when The OC dared me to give her another shot.  As Cal lay in his coffin and the Newportians donned their sexiest funeral wear, Imogen delivered the nothing-but-vocoder ballad “Hide and Seek.”  I found myself scrambling to the computer for the second time.   

The full album, Speak for Yourself, has finally been released and I took a chance on it, knowing it could be awful.  Fortunately, Immi seems to have shed her angry past and focused her energy on creating beautifully sultry girl music.  The album is full of subdued beeps, xylophones, mid-tempo drum machine beats and vocals, creating hypnotizing tracks like “Headlock” and “Loose Ends.”  Speak for Yourself runs out of steam by the end, but not before making me want to rent season 2 of the The OC.   

Great For: TV teen dramas and the 25-year-olds who watch them. 

From Reuters:

"A military report presented before the Senate Armed Services Committee' Senate Armed Services Committee stated the Saudi man, described as the "20th hijacker" slated to have participated in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on America, was forced by interrogators to wear a bra and had women's thong underwear placed on his head.

U.S. interrogators also told him he was a homosexual, forced him to dance with a male interrogator, told him his mother and sister were whores, forced him to wear a leash and perform dog tricks, menaced him with a dog and subjected him to interrogations up to 20 hours a day for about two months, the report said."

Let me just say this - is this the best we can do? Somehow I don't really think that someone who is willing to blow up hundreds of people is going to break down and confess to crimes by these interrogation methods.

SUSPECT: Okay, okay, I admit it! Just don't make me wear a bra anymore! I'll tell you anything, I just can't take one more day of wearing underwear on my head!

Kurt Cobain is Spinning in His Grave

I watched Rock Star:INXS last night. INXS is trying to find a replacement for the dead Michael Hutchins by auditioning really young, (mostly creepy) singers. The show was actually pretty interesting - basically a less annoying version of American Idol.

While some of the performances were good, Mig, pictured above, completely massacred "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Kurt Cobain's commentary on Mig's performance: Yep, Beelzebub, this is hell. I can't handle this guy's scarf.

"I'm a Self-Contained Unit."

Of all the sights we visited in Seattle, the ones we found by accident were some of my favorite. How could a grunge fan go to Seattle without visiting scenes from the movie "Singles?" The pic on the left is of the Coryell Apartments in the gay district, where a bunch of the movie was filmed. Believe it or not, Traci and I found this place without a map! When we got out of the car I squinted and said, "Is that really it?" It looked different than I remembered. Traci reminded that "Singles" did come out 14 years ago. (The first thing I did when we got home was watch the movie. It was the same place, just a bit overgrown.) The picture on the right is the view from Gasworks park, also shown in the movie.

We also spent hours and hours trying to find the Fremont Troll, an enormous concrete sculpture under a bridge. Apparently everyone knows where the troll is, but is unable to really explain how to get there. Despite all of the bridges we drove under during our search, we were unsuccessful. Here's what we missed:














I was also disappointed to find out after we got home that there is a full-size statue of Lenin in front of a taco joint. I guess we'll have to make another trip to Seattle.

Breakfast at the Emphysema Cafe

John recommded that we eat breakfast at Beth's Cafe. Founded in 1954, Beth's is (supposed to be) a hip, dive-style diner. When we walked in and inhaled the stale smoke and sat down in a really beat up booth, we realized that it was more real dive than faux dive.

The only redeeming quality was that the walls are decorated with crayon drawings, interesting only because they're done by adults instead of kids. Click on the picture to see that we are sitting at the booth with the "G Unit: Cash Money Ho" drawing as well as the illustration about "sucking face."

(Outside of Beth's, you'll notice that we're getting into our pimpin' Mustang rental car. )