All-Time Favorite Albums

I have always toyed with the idea of posting a list of my favorite albums of all time, but it just seemed like too daunting a task. As I started thinking about it this weekend, I decided it wouldn't really be that tough.

I'm not listing the most important albums, or even the best albums. These are the records that I enjoy from front to back and I've listened to about 50 million times. In alphabetical order:

Alice in Chains - Dirt
Alkaline Trio - G@*&%$!6*^#
Bad Religion - Stranger Than Fiction
Bouncing Souls - The Black Album
Cake - Fashion Nugget
Catch 22 - Keasbey Nights
Daft Punk - Discovery
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Hot Hot Heat - Make up the Breakdown
Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American
Kylie Minogue - Fever
Local H - As Good as Dead
Millencolin - For Monkeys
Nada Surf - Let Go
Nirvana - In Utero
Pedro the Lion - Control
P.O.D. - Satellite
Rentals - The Return of the Rentals
RX Bandits - The Resignation
Samiam - Astray
Saves the Day - Stay What You Are
Seven Mary Three - Rock Crown
Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss
Streetlight Manifesto - Everything Goes Numb
Travoltas - Endless Summer
Voodoo Glow Skulls - Band Geek Mafia
Weezer - Pinkerton

Honorable Mention:
(A few albums that I could probably live without, but still have a special place in my heart)

Bouncing Souls - Hopeless Romantic
Eels - Beautiful Freak
Face to Face - S/T
Strung Out - American Paradox
Stretsch Armstronng - Lollygag
The Killers - Hot Fuss

Oh, Super Dell. You so C-razy...

“This is thanks to all of you. All the media in Utah are liars and murderers…I would not want to be in your shoes having caused this. You are agents of Satan and you need to repent.”

You’ve got to hand it to Super Dell Schanze, now former owner of Totally Awesome Computers. He just really has a way with words. I hope he will be as eloquent during his May 10 trial when he faces charges of pulling a gun on his neighbors.

It appears that the whole crazy-commercial-man-who’s-crazy-in-real-life-too thing hasn’t really helped his computer business much, but I would imagine it hasn’t hurt his gun business.

[Here's Dell's letter to his former customers.]
[Read the DesNew article about Dell's craziness here.]

Traci and I ran into Super Dell one night at the dollar movies in Sugarhouse. He was buying his ticket when a group of teenage boys spotted him. “Hey Super Dell,” they shouted, “What are you doing here?”

In his high-pitched, over-the-top commercial voice he responded, “Even Super Dell has to go the movies!”

From this short interaction I made a few observations. 1) For all of the money Totally Awesome Computers is bringing in, Super Dell still goes to the dollar movies. 2) Super Dell refers to himself in the third person, which is always a total sign of sanity. 3) He does indeed only have 9 and-a-half fingers.

I had a handful of other indirect interactions with Super Dell while I was working at the credit union. Most memorable was the following:

A man walked up to my teller station in full camouflage and combat boots. I was sure that he was going to rob me, but instead he just wanted to cash a check drawn off of Super Dell’s account. I believe it was for something like $42,000.

Now, people don’t just walk in and cash a $42,000 check. There’s fingerprinting, signature verification, phone verification and forms that all have to be filled out first. Then, after all of that, normally a person would just like to exchange their personal check for a cashier’s check. Not this guy. He wanted it all in cash.

While we were going through the paperwork I asked the guy why Schanze was giving him so much money. Apparently he supplied Dell’s side business, Totally Awesome Weapons, with many of its totally awesome weapons.

“So Dell’s pretty into guns, eh,” I continued with the awkward small talk. “Doesn’t he have trouble shooting, you know, since he’s missing his trigger finger?” I thought that I could get a smile with that one. Nope.

“Dell’s an incredibly good shot,” camouflage man said in his gravelly voice. “He’s the only person I’ve ever met that can outshoot me.”

As I was counting out 420 one hundred dollar bills I said to camo man, “So, do you feel pretty safe just walking out of here with so much money?” It takes quite a bit of time to count to 420 (if you’re bored, you should try it). And people standing in line start getting a bit bug-eyed when they see that much money sitting on the counter.

“Don’t worry,” he said with a smile, “I’m packing right now.”
If there’s one thing that makes a teller feel comfortable, it’s counting out large amounts of cash and handing them to a man who is carrying a gun. Great company you keep, Super Dell.

If Only Kobe Had Such a Deal...

Aren't Russians great? [Thanks, Ty]

From the Salt Lake Trib:

Andrei Kirilenko has been granted restricted free agency - by his wife.
Masha Lopatova, a former Russian pop star who has been married to the Jazz forward for nearly six years, understands the temptation NBA players are faced with as they travel around the country for seven months a year. And she believes that forbidding something only makes it more tempting. That's why, she revealed in a story in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine, she allows Kirilenko an "allowance" of one night per year with another woman.
"What's forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered," Lopatova said before the Jazz's loss to Charlotte on Wednesday. "It's the same way raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want more than anything? Pizza.
"So this is the arrangement that Andrei and I have," she said, adding, in the spirit of openness, that she does not have a reciprocal agreement with her husband. "If I know about it, it's not cheating."
Kirilenko, according to the magazine story written by Salt Lake City freelance writer Chad Nielsen, has no plans to exercise his "allowance."
"Of course it was a surprise," Kirilenko said. "I'm not planning to do anything. But she said, 'If you want to do it, you can do it.' "

Raising a Supermodel

Last week, Traci and her mom took Paige to Kiddie Kandids for the first time with the goal of getting some pictures of the baby in her blessing dress.  Oh, it’s no easy task. 

I guess Paige started crying the second they got into the mall (who could blame her, I hate the mall, too).  Traci tried to get her calmed down by giving her a bottle, but that just made her fall asleep.  So the ladies went to the food court and then tried again after lunch.  No luck, still screaming.

If your kid is crying, Kiddie Kandids lets you come back any time that day without having to pay the sitting fee again.  Determined to get a smile out of Paige, Traci and I went back to the mall later that night. 

We bounced our cranky child through 101 Dalmatians one-and-a-half times before it was our turn. She got in front of the camera and cried.  Defeated, we headed back home.  We walked in our front door and she immediately started smiling.  There is no doubt who is in charge of this family. 

Despite these small setbacks, three months into to it and parenthood seems to be getting a bit easier.  (I know that I am not really the one to talk, since Traci does the majority of the parenting.)  Paige has started sleeping through the night, which is an absolute godsend.  It is amazing what a difference a full night of sleep can make. 

She has become quite a smiley baby (she just doesn’t smile at Kiddie Kandids) and her favorite thing to smile at is herself.  Seeing herself in the mirror completely cracks her right up.  This mo.rning she finally discovered that is a mirror in the middle of the mobile that hangs above her swing.  She was mesmerized.  The swing has become new again! 

Traci has gone back to work part-time at the library.  She hates being away from Paige and we hope sooner rather later she’ll be able to stay home full-time.  In the meantime, both grandmothers are coveting their babysitting time.  All is well. 

How do I get my name in the "Urban Dictionary?"

R. Kelly's has his own listing in the "Urban Dictionary." Unfortunately, that is not enough to get a man arrested for trying to abduct an 11-year-old girl. Disturbingly funny.

[thanks stereogum.]

Commander Cuckoo Bananas & the United Arab Emirates

I am having just a bit of trouble getting my head around this. We (apparently) invaded Iraq because we wanted to prevent terrorists from coming over to America and taking another cheap shot. But now we're inviting the United Arab Emirates, who also have terrorist ties, not only to come on over to the U.S., but to basically have the skeleton key to the country's ports? Meanwhile, Bush can't seem to understand why we're all a bit confused by this. (See blank stare above.)

[Read latest CNN story about the ordeal here.]

I think Homer summed it up best when he was sending Bart off to Catholic school.

Homer to Bart: We're going to send you to another school! And if you get kicked out of that school, you're going straight into the army, where you'll be sent to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo Bananas in charge!

LoveSac CEO, Apparently No Longer Sorry

I guess Shawn Nelson isn't sorry about his bankruptcy anymore. Last week I linked to Shawn's apologetic blog entry, but now it is nowhere to be found. It has been replaced with the following:

Going Forward

— shawn @ 4:25 pm

LoveSac is in reorganization and will emerge a much stronger, healthier company. We are making great strides towards providing a plan by which the LoveSac brand and stores can provide value for all of those who have supported it and will support the company going forward.

Meanwhile–support the cause. Sacs and Sactionals make the ULTIMATE home theater furniture.

Never stop rockin’.

We haven’t.

Shawn

Humility never was his strongest trait. Don't worry, the 50 million pictures of Shawn and his disciples are still available.

February Consuption

Music

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - S/T
Yellowcard - Lights and Sounds
P.O.D. - Testify
Bouncing Souls - Live

Books

Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Johnny Tight Lips News

After a radical show at Kilby Court last weekend, Johnny Tight Lips will be taking a short break from touring the world to focus on recording our mega hit debut album. We began initial drum tracking last night. Danny has already torn through two songs with more on the way tonight. After playing as a band for 8-ish months, it will be nice to finally have some stuff recorded. Keep your ears peeled for more details.

Poor. Rebel Billionaire.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't ecstatic when I heard that LoveSac filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. $3.2 million dollars in debt. Not bad. (According to the picture above, Shawn still has enough money to pay for an awful emo hairdo.)

Somehow I always knew it would happen. Maybe I was tipped off by the fact that I was never paid in paper currency, only in LoveSac products. I guess I did pretty good for myself, though. I own three Love Sacs, a half dozen nap sacs (the sleeping bag), the foot sac slippers, a couple of beanies, five hoodies and a week's worth of t-shirts. Traci is equally as decked out. Unfortunately, we've always been too embarrased to really wear any of it in public. It was like advertising for Satan. Wait, Satan's kind of cool when it comes to shirts and stuff. Maybe it was like advertising Wal-Mart.

It's unfortunate that my internship at LoveSac pre-dates my blogging career, because the Manifesto would have been full of all sorts of dirt.

Read Shawn's apology to his minions of LoveSac-loving fans here.

Read the DesNews story here.

Brokeback to the Future

Proving that context is everything, a group of students at Emerson College known as the "Chocolate Cake City" has made this spoof movie trailer of "Brokeback Mountain" and "Back to the Future."

Hil-ar-i-ous! Watch the video here.

[thanks stereogum.]

Teenagers with Automatic Weapons and Boundless Love

So I handled my first machine gun the other day. Where? In the church, of course. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t loaded.) We learned about law enforcement at our monthly career night at scouts. Aaron’s dad talked to the boys about his job as a tax fraud investigator. In addition to strapping the boys into bulletproof vests, he let them shoot pepper spray, check out his tazer and handcuffs, and even put one kid into manacles.

Then came the weapons. He passed around the arsenal used in a typical raid: a machine gun to “spray” the place; a semi-automatic sniper rifle for hitting folks from long range; and then the shotgun. Any questions? I raised my hand. I understood why you would start with a machine gun, and the sniper rifle also made sense. But why was the shotgun really necessary at that point? Answer: for psychological effect, mostly. How would you feel if someone was pointing a shotgun at you from short-range? Point well taken.

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A

Despite its incredible length, any band named after the secret code used to get unlimited lives on original Nintendo version of Contra, immediately gets my respect. Oh, but the name’s not the best part.

Up Up writes beautifully direct, powerful (and short) love songs that I haven’t been able to get enough of. The band seems to be more into the music than the money, since they have just released their second completely-free-online EP called “Girls’ Names.” Their site offers more free music than purchasable, including three full EPs. I would recommend downloading them now, before the band realizes that sometimes you can sell music for well, you know, money.

If you are overwhelmed by the vast number of mp3s to download, I would suggest beginning with their music video…Love it.

CORRRECTION: "Just to set the record straight, up up down down... doesn't get you unlimited lives, just 30 per continue. I don’t want you to sound like an idiot for all us nintendo-educated readers." --Jonathan Wicks, Cincinnati, Ohio.

[Thanks 2 ½ Pounds of Bacon for the heads up.]

The Downfall of Jake the Snake

Jake Plummer at the grocery store

Not even my lucky Denver Broncos track pants were enough to keep my favorite team from self destructing on their home field today. Another year of cheering down the drain.

This has been a strange year in many ways, not the least of which being that I have watched football every single week this season. I haven’t actively followed the NFL since my heart was broken by the Broncos in the Superbowl three times in the late 80s and early 90s. Sure, I cheered Elway on as he won the two rings at the end of his career, but I probably wouldn’t have shed tears like I did as 10-year-old if they would have lost.

Watching an outrageous amount of sports in the last few months has lead to me think a lot about sports. I’m not thinking about stats or key match ups or MVP candidates, but more about what sports are really about. (Don’t worry, I’m not listening to sports talk on the radio or anything like that.)

People love to have something to root for. Even if you are a Phoenix Cardinals fan (is there such thing?) there is a 50/50 chance that your team might win any particular game. The thing that’s crazy about being a fan is that when your team wins, you win. Just by rooting for a team (internally or externally) you earn the right to feel happy if your team comes out victorious. Though you really did nothing, you are rewarded with a sense of accomplishment. Conversely, you also have to bare the brunt of criticism if you are on the losing end, like somehow your inferior support led to poor ball handling or special teams coverage.

Sports are really just the original reality TV. People get hooked on American Idol for the same reason that they get addicted to sports. When Rubbard Studdard wins the competition, so do all the people who voted 30,000 times for him. People have been cheering for athletes for centuries, so it only makes sense that we would do the same for a girl on The Bachelor, a fatty on The Biggest Loser or an idiot on Joe Millionaire. It’s really amazing that no one thought of it sooner.

Another thing that I find so interesting about sports is its infatuation with heroism. When an injured player decides to take a cortisone injection so he can play on a broken leg or misses his own father’s funeral so he can make it to the playoffs, commentators use words like “brave,” “unselfish,” and “hero" -- as opposed to real life and real jobs, where coworkers would describe those same acts as “reckless,” “insensitive” and “stupid.”

We must be lacking in heroes these days. I am guessing that there used to be heroes at some point because it’s a pretty common word. I think there used to be “war heroes,” though I don’t think we have those any more. But apparently, we have a need to have heroes around. Since they don’t seem to be apparent in daily life - we don’t generally say, “Charlie could have called in sick to work today, but he didn’t. He’s a real hero.” – sports seems to be a logical place to find them. “Even after appearing in court today on sexual assault charges, he was still able to score 45 points and hit a jumper at the buzzer. What a heroic performance!”

So what does all of this deep analysis of sports mean to me? Well, I’m 25 years old and the Broncos just lost the big game. I’m bummed out about it. We really didn’t come to play. However, you’ve got to hand it to Pittsburgh Steelers. As the 6th seed in the playoffs, it took heroic efforts to overcome the challenges of beating three great teams on the road.

I will have to settle for cheering for seven layer dip at the Superbowl party.

Johnny Tight Lips Show

Click on the flyer to check out the details

January Consumption

Music

Boys Night Out - Make Yourself Sick
The Concretes - S/T
Plain White T's - All That We Needed
Hellogoodbye - S/T EP
Michale Graves - Punk Rock is Dead
Spoon—Gimme Fiction
Andrew Bird & the Mysterious Production of Eggs
Dub Pistols—Point Blank
Reggie & the Full Effect—Songs Not to Get Married To
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A – Girls Names EP
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A – Internet EP
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A – S/T EP
Strokes—First Impressions of Earth
Army of Freshmen—Beg, Borrow, Steal
Feist—Let it Die

Books

Bait and Switch by Barbara Ehrenreich

No Break Christmas Break

I came back to work on Tuesday after a 10-day Christmas Vacation.  That’s right,  I had 10 paid days off of work.  Working in higher ed can be pretty sweet sometimes.  (I also get free haircuts at the beauty school, but that can be risky business.) 

I started working full time at SLCC a year ago.  Even though I got hired for the position in December, I think they purposely set my start date as January 1 so they wouldn’t have to pay me for Christmas break.  I was bummed out, but I started postulating my plans for the next year.  I figured with a whole week off and no distractions, I could accomplish just about anything. (I have always held the belief that if I had two weeks alone in a room I could write an entire album or maybe a children’s book.  I probably overestimate my creativity.) 

There was one thing I wasn’t thinking about when I was making my plans back then – parenthood.  All plans erased. 

The 10 days at home gave me an idea what Traci’s life is like.  Difficult.  It is amazing to me how a child that only weighs eight pounds can take up so much space – she has her own room, her stuff takes up half the living room and the entire backseat of the car – and require so much energy.   

I didn’t write an album, I didn’t write a children’s book. I barely left my living room.  I think there were at least five days that I didn’t even change out of my pajamas.  That’s not to say that the week was uneventful.  I was able to get Paige up to speed on The OC.  We watched 27 episodes in four days, knocking out the entire first season.  Just like her mother, she finds Marissa Cooper to be unbearably stupid at times. 

Paige also had her theatrical debut starring as none other than Baby Jesus in “The Nativity,” directed by my dad.  It was a star-studded affair, featuring my two 3-year-old nephews as wise men and my 1-year-old nephew as a donkey (he already had an Eeyore costume).  Traci played Mary of course.  I thought I was a shoo-in for the part of Joseph, but my dad, El Capitan, said that we didn’t need a Joseph.  He wasn’t that important.   

So now I’m back at work, realizing it is a lot easier to be here than at home.  Let the real vacation begin…

Pedro the Lion Breaks Up?!

According to Pedro the Lion and Headphones drummer TW Walsh, Pedro the Lion is breaking up due to his decision to leave the bands. "Breaking up" isn't really the right word, since Pedro the Lion and Headphones are, for all intents and purposes, a one-man band. So "breaking up" means that David Bazan will no longer perform under the name Pedro the Lion. It's all a bit weird, since TW was only in the band for two years and one album.

Though there is no official news on Pedro's site, TW's site explains the whole thing. It is very interesting, and gives a lot of insight into what it's like to be a touring musician who is not making a lot of money.

If the news is true, my heart is partially breaking. I am sure there will be more David Bazan music in the future, but I sense he is trying to get a way from the Pedro stuff. I love Pedro. [Insert frowny emoticon here.]


Here's the blurb from Alternative Press:

Punknews.org is reporting that Pedro The Lion, the indie-rock vehicle of songwriter David Bazan, have broken up. While neither the band nor their label, Jade Tree, have released any official statement regarding the group's demise, the explanation given on Punknews.org was as follows:

The main motiviation for the split is due to [band member] TW Walsh's reluctance to maintain the 100+ day per year touring schedule that the band demands. Consequently, Bazan has said that he will not continue to work under the name without Walsh and will be writing, recording and touring under his own name, and also on his electronic-tinged side project, Headphones."

Bazan will record the second Headphones album this Spring for a late 2006 release on an unspecified label; this will be the follow-up to the electronic band's self-titled effort, which came out this past May. He also plans on recording his solo debut for a Jade Tree release in 2007.

Spencer vs. Cell Phones

It’s 15 degrees and I’m standing on my front porch in my underwear.  Oh, and I’m not happy about it.  To get cell phone reception in my house, I have to leave my house.  That’s why when my two-year Verizon contract ends in April I’m switching to a different provider. 

It wouldn’t be a big deal to suffer the crap reception if my cell phone hadn’t stopped working a month ago.  The speaker gave out.  I can still make calls and talk all I want, but I can’t hear anything the other person is saying.  I can’t even hear the phone ring, so when I call home I just start talking. Now all of my conversations go like this “My cell doesn’t work, you can hear me, but I can’t hear you.  I’ll just keep talking.  I’m on 53^rd South, I’ll be home in 10 minutes.  I’m on 53^rd South, I’ll be home in 10 minutes.  I’m on 53^rd South, I’ll be home in 10 minutes.”  Then I hang up, not knowing if I have talked to anyone at all or if I have left a really weird message on an answering machine. 

The real fun, though, started when I tried to get a new phone.  Cell phone companies will give you a free cell phone any time you’re willing to sign a new contract.  If you’re not willing to sign the contract, a new phone will basically cost you a million dollars.  I don’t want to pay for a new phone if I am just going to get a free phone when I switch plans in a few months.   

Verizon stays in business by selling you a two year contract and giving you a free phone that has a one year warranty.  On day 366 the phone will inevitably break and you’ll have to either pay the million dollars (about $200 and up) or change your plan and sign up for another two years.  Since I am not a millionaire, I had to concoct a scheme to beat the cell phone company. 

After looking around and finding that you can’t get a cheap phone without signing up for a plan, I had to turn to my friend eBay.  I typed “cell phone” in the search bar and got 50 billion results.  I passed up the RAZR for a humble, used Kyocera.  I could get the phone (with shipping included) for 10 bucks.  Seemed like that would get me through ‘til the end of my contract.   

After winning the auction and then fighting with the seller about whether or not she really accepted PayPal. (Though she said she did, she really didn’t and I paid an extra $2 to use stupid BidPay.)    

The phone showed up a few days later and I thought my problems were solved.  I opened up the package and tried to turn on the phone, but it wouldn’t turn on.  The stupid-revelation lightbulb slowly illuminated above my head.  I didn’t buy a charger for the thing. Back to eBay to find a stupid charger.   

Another week later and the charger arrived in the mail.  The next day the new(old) phone was charged and ready.  Now all I needed to do was activate the phone and my cell phone woes would be over.  I went to Verizon’s website to activate it, but it kept telling me that the info that I had entered was invalid.  Now I was worrying that I had bought some stolen phone that had been blacklisted.  I called Verizon’s customer service to have them activate the phone.  I knew I was out of luck when the guy said, “Under no circumstances can I activate that phone.”  Great.  It was a stolen phone.  I could hear the feds knocking on my front door.   

I found out it wasn’t quite that dramatic, but just as much of a pain in my butt.  The FCC recently passed a new regulation that all new cell phones must be E911 compatible.  That means that all phones need to have a GPS system, so when you call 911, they can track you down.  Since the new (old) phone from eBay was not compatible, Verizon wouldn’t activate it for me - information that would have been nice before I bought the phone and the charger. 

At this point I started checking with family members to see if anyone had a cell phone they weren’t using anymore (which is what I should have done from the beginning).  Between my family and Traci’s family, I think there were about a dozen old cell phones lying around.  Just my luck, none of them were compatible.  It all ends where it began - me with a broken cell phone and a new (old) phone and charger that don’t work either.  Yes, I love technology. 

Another Year of the Manifesto

I just registered www.sutherlandmanifesto.com for another year. So all you suckers out there who were just waiting for the domain name to open up so you could benefit from the outrageous popularity of the name, you'll just have to keep waiting. Word.