See You Again Next Summer, Wendy Peffercorn

Thanks to Paige, Traci and I finally have a legitimate reason to go to the Murray City kids swimming pool. Two summers ago, I had made a goal to become tan. (It is most my well-kept secretly that I am actually quite a fair-skinned fellow.) So on my days off we tried to go swimming and do outside stuff. The public pool closest to us is basically a kiddie pool. We learned this when we went there and saw that we were the only adults not accompanying children. Not willing to be brought down by social conventions, we bravely waded out to the deep end of the pool - 3 feet deep - kid free. We also went to the kid pool at the Murray Rec Center quite a few times. We have no shame. (I never got tan.)

But now we have our very own kid so we can go to the pool all we want, guilt free. Today was my last day of summer - five-day workweek at SLCC starts again on Monday -so we figured we better swim one last time. Paige loves splashing herself in the pool and today we met up with my sisters and their kids, who are a little bit older, which means I have an excuse to go down the waterslide and do cannonballs off the diving board. Its a win-win situation for everyone.

But now summer's on its way out. No more Fridays off from the College. No more thinking, "I'm sooo glad it's Thursday." No more wearing flip-flops and t-shirts to work (the new SLCC president won't let us wear shorts to work in the summer anymore). It's a sad, sad life.

August Consumption

Music

The Format-Dog Problems
Jack's Mannequin-Everything in Transit
Matt Park PA -Emblems
Greg Graffin-As Cold as Clay
Rise Against-The Sufferer and the Witness
Rogue Wave - Out of the Shadow

Books

But Enough about Me by Jancee Dunn

A few thoughts from our show at Kilby last night...

I obviously have no idea what shows at Kilby are going to be “cool.” I booked the show with Get Him Eat Him for a couple of reasons. The first was that on the genre scale, we at least fall in the same realm as Get Him Eat Him. (We sound nothing like 95 percent of the bands that play Kilby.)

The second was that I thought people would actually come to the show. More people coming to see the headliner means a few more people milling around at the beginning of the show when we play. I like Get Him Eat Him, and even own their CD, so I figured there must be a lot of people out there who would also want to see them. Clearly I was wrong.

There were about 10 people there to see us, and about 10 to see the other local opener. Beyond that, there were probably four people there to see the two touring bands. Since all of the local supporters headed out after they had seen the band they had come for, the crowd for both of the touring bands was more or less the other bands on the bill.

I have always, always wanted to go on tour. It doesn’t need to be a world tour, it doesn’t even need to be a West Coast tour. I would settle for getting in a van and playing Cedar City, St. George and Vegas. Man, I can’t really think of anything cooler than that. However, nights like last night make me think about how bad it must suck to tour. Here were two bands that had driven from Denver to Salt Lake to show up and play to four fans. If my math is correct, Kilby probably only brought in $150 (and that’s the absolute max) in ticket sales. I don’t know how much the club kept for itself, but even if it was nothing, its hard to stretch $150 between two band and eight band members. The next stop on their tour was Boise, so all of the ticket money will probably be spent in gas before they get there.

Everyone knows that bands make their money on the road by selling CDs and t-shirts, but it’s hard to sell merchandise when no one comes to the show. I felt especially bad for the Evangelicals, who mentioned during their set that this was their first tour, and just their second show on the tour. I wonder if they have any doubts about what they’re doing…

The Return of David Hasselhoff & Ty Goes Crazy

Clearly, either Las Vegas or getting engaged, or both, has affected my friend Ty's taste in music. He just sent me a link to this HOTTT new video by David Hasselhoff. Below is the record label's description. I only include it because it includes the word "Hofficial." "That's right, it's Hofficial... your favourite cult icon wants to take you home! The one and only David Hasselhoff of "Bay Watch" and "Knight Rider" fame returns with a cover of the 1975 classic 'Jump In My Car' and its a doozy. Recorded in Sydney last year with the legendary Harry Vanda (AC/DC, The Angels), the Ted Mulry Gang tune has been re-vamped with full Hoff gusto and this music video promises to rock the socks off all his Hofficial fans." I especially love when he wears the devil horns. Best. Video. Ever.

Johnny Tightlips Wed Aug 9 @Kilby Court

Caution: "Retard's" on the Loose

There's nothing classier than picking fights with a 13-year-old autistic boy. But apparently some Nephi residents were so sick of their autistic neighbor bugging them and getting into their stuff that they decided the only way to address the problem was to spray paint a giant that says "CAUTION, RETARD'S IN AREA." (My favorite part is the incorrect use of an apostrophe.)

Here's the link to the whole story.

Though this is sad social commentary, it does make me think of one of my favorite tee shirts , which also uses incorrect grammar.



From the tee shirt's description:

"I guess this shirt is a booby trap for wannabe grammar police. "Hey", they'll whine, "did you know that your shirt uses the possessive 'your' when it should use the contraction 'you're'?" At which point you'll shake your head, mutter the words on your shirt, and walk away."

Which then makes me think of my favorite Napoleon Dynamite quote from Rex, owner of Rex Kwon Do, "Grab my arm. The other arm. My other arm. Okay, now watch this. I'm just gonna break the wrist and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away."

Mutter the words and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away. It's all the same.

"We're Country"

Cutest baby in the world? Hands down.

Last weekend, Paige rode on a four-wheeler for the first time. Yep, an eight-month-old baby on an ATV. It's no biggie, "we're country." Though this was Paige's second trip to my grandpa's ranch, it was her first real visit. She got to drive very slowly on the four-wheeler with grandma (she looked forward, emotionless; she may as well have been in the stroller), she got to the watch everyone play in the pond and she got to see her cousin Nathan get stung by a bee right on the mouth. His lip swelled up so big he looked like a little Angelina Jolie.

I, meanwhile, continued to struggle with my quest to conquer the barbecue. I thought I had really done a good job on the burgers this time. I had just taken them off the grill on the porch when I went to step inside of the cabin to grab some ketchup. A giant gust of wind came blowing through and the burgers went sailing into the air and then crash landed on the cement porch. All that work down the drain.

On a positive note, outdoor enthousiast Traci and I are getting more succesful in our inflatable raft paddling skills. I've got the picture to prove it (somewhere).

July Raves

July 4, 2006

MUSIC

Dashboard Confessional

Chris Carabba certainly understands his audience.  Not only is he selling his new record Dusk and Summer for just $10 bucks but if you show your student ID when you buy it at lousy Best Buy, you get it for $7 (you will have to convince the cashier of this, though).  Dashboard isn’t something I would normally run out and buy from a store, but I thought it was a cool idea.  Note to the record industry: people will buy CDs if you offer them at a reasonable price. 

The Cardinal Sin

Also hailing from the Windy City, The Cardinal Sin share the same raw sound and intensity as early Alkaline Trio.  I was so immediately drawn to their music when I heard them on purevolume that I work tirelessly to track down their first full-length Hurry Up and Wait.  

I couldn’t find it at any of my usual locations so I ended up buying it off of half.com.  Other than the outstanding Eye Opener, there aren’t really a lot of standout tracks, but it’s a really solid album.

SPORTS

World Cup Soccer

Though I suffered some mild depression when Holland lost to Portugal (once again), the World Cup is still exciting – and I’m not even a soccer guy.  Who says you can’t be thoroughly entertained by 120 minutes of scoreless action?  I’ve got tickets for the Real Madrid vs. Real Salt Lake exhibition in August, but it looks like the great David Beckham may not even be making the trip thanks to his injury against Portugal. 

BOOKS

An Ordinary Man

If you haven’t seen Hotel Rwanda, you should.  If you have seen it, you should read An Ordinary Man, the autobiography of Paul Rusesabagina, the man on whom the movie was based.  Rusesabagina explains how and why the Rwandan genocide went down, including sectarian violence, corrupt politicians and outsiders who were unwilling to stop it from happening.  Though it the book was based on the 1994 events it couldn’t be more applicable to current conflicts.

TELEVISION

VH1’s Supergroup

Without going into an entire dissertation, here’s why only has-been celebrities should be on reality TV shows.  Though you get the mega-exposure that you had (or always wanted to have) when you were in your prime, you also always kind of end up looking like an idiot. 

Sebastian Bach was so incredibly cool when he was in Skid Row.  Now he may be the whiniest, most annoying TV personality on the planet.  Even my sister, a die-hard Bach supporter, has given up on the show because he is so annoying.  “He has officially ruined the ‘rock on’ devil horns," she says.  But it does make for great television.

If you can get over the embarrassingly awkward moments of Bach telling the PR team that he has a top 20 hit (“I Remember You” on the newest Monster Ballads CD), him crying about his dad or drunkenly telling Anthrax’s Scott Ian that he loves him and that he'll never play with another guitar player (um, they are going to be in a band together for 12 days), you'll be glued. 

Hot Like a Robot

It's 12:48 a.m. and I just got home from our show at Todd's Bar & Grill. I think we redeemed ourselves after our mighty dive at Burt's on Tuesday night. Once again, Mike the dirty promoter didn't give us any money, but we did make $50 off of t-shirts sales. So, all y'all who bought shirts, many thanks. (For those of you who want shirts, email me and I can get you hooked up.)

I think we're done with the bar scene. Johnny Tightlips is going where the kids are - the all-ages shows. As long as we continue to make no money playing at crappy bars late at night we might as well be playing the early shows and not dying of second-hand smoke. I hope to see you guys at Kilby Court on August 9.

On My Way Home from the Rock Show...

It turns out that I was worried about all the wrong things. I didn't think that anyone was going to come, but quite a few Johnny Tightlips superfans showed up for a 10 p.m. show on a Tuesday night.

I was worried that we were going to screw up all of our new songs, which we did. However, I hadn't thought to worry about the other band deciding that they wanted to play first so they could get in and get out, but then not get around to starting until 11:15.

You can tell that I am rock and roll novice because last night was only the second time we've played past midnight (the other time was also at Burt's Tiki Lounge). We didn't go on until around 11:45. We felt really bad that our friends had all been sitting there, waiting two hours for us to start playing. We hurried to get set up and play as quickly as possible after the other band was finished and cut a few songs off our setlist to keep things moving along.

As we started our set I could feel that it was getting to be past my bedtime. (Poor Aaron had been up since 6 a.m. and would have to be getting up again for work in another few hours.) Everything seemed really rushed, out of tune and really scattered. We limped our way through the set, probably screwing up on 9 songs out of 10.

That's not to say that we didn't have a good time. The audience was great. There was a lot of interaction, including a drunken Burt's employee grabbing the mic and singing our cover of "Your Love" by The Outfield.

The highlight of the evening was when the drunken employees started dancing around with a giant fiberglass skull and then asked Danny to wear the skull (which had no eye holes) on his head while he played the drums. He accepted the challenge and somewhat successfully played one song with it on.

Despite the poor performance, I had a good time hanging out with everyone. I had a good time playing as well, we just sounded like crap. We hope to redeem ourselves on Friday night when we play at Todd's Bar & Grill.

On My Way to the Rock Show...

I'll be heading home from work in a couple of minutes, then it's off to band practice. We're playing tonight at Burt's Tiki Lounge around 10 p.m. I've got the usual anxiety, wondering if we're going to suck, if anyone's going to show up, etc. We haven't played a show in three months and I'm worried we're going to be a bit rusty.

I was pretty excited when we booked the show because we would be opening for touring band Bang Sugar Bang - a band that actually falls into the same broad category of music that we play i.e. not metal, not avant garde/electro whatever, not sad, sad emo music. But we just found out that they cancelled their summer tour after their guitar player busted his hand. So we will be playing with another local band, Spork, who hopefully has a bit of a following.

I hope some folks show up since I've been frantically screenprinting a ton of new shirts and stickers, including my first-ever girlie tees. We're going to be debuting three new songs, hopefully not massacring them. We'll find out in a few hours....

July Consumption

Music

The Bouncing Souls - The Gold Record
Frou Frou - Details
Tool - 10,000 Days
Mae - The Everglow
Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary
Dashboard Confessional - Dusk & Summer
Hot Chip - The Warning
Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
The Format - Interventions and Lullabies
Gym Class Heroes - As Cruel as School Children
Living End - State of Emergency
Good Riddance - My Republic


Books

I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

July Raves: Music, Sports, and TV

MUSIC

Dashboard Confessional

Chris Carabba certainly understands his audience.  Not only is he selling his new record Dusk and Summer for just $10 bucks but if you show your student ID when you buy it at lousy Best Buy, you get it for $7 (you will have to convince the cashier of this, though).  Dashboard isn’t something I would normally run out and buy from a store, but I thought it was a cool idea.  Note to the record industry: people will buy CDs if you offer them at a reasonable price. 

The Cardinal Sin

Also hailing from the Windy City, The Cardinal Sin share the same raw sound and intensity as early Alkaline Trio.  I was so immediately drawn to their music when I heard them on purevolume that I work tirelessly to track down their first full-length Hurry Up and Wait.  I couldn’t find it at any of my usual locations so I ended up buying it off of half.com.  Other than the outstanding Eye Opener, there aren’t really a lot of standout tracks, but it’s a really solid album.

SPORTS

World Cup Soccer

Though I suffered some mild depression when Holland lost to Portugal (once again), the World Cup is still exciting – and I’m not even a soccer guy.  Who says you can’t be thoroughly entertained by 120 minutes of scoreless action?  I’ve got tickets for the Real Madrid vs. Real Salt Lake exhibition in August, but it looks like the great David Beckham may not even be making the trip thanks to his injury against Portugal. 

BOOKS

An Ordinary Man

If you haven’t seen Hotel Rwanda, you should.  If you have seen it, you should read An Ordinary Man, the autobiography of Paul Rusesabagina, the man on whom the movie was based.  Rusesabagina explains how and why the Rwandan genocide went down, including sectarian violence, corrupt politicians and outsiders who were unwilling to stop it from happening.  Though it the book was based on the 1994 events it couldn’t be more applicable to current conflicts.

TELEVISION

VH1’s Supergroup

Without going into an entire dissertation, here’s why only has-been celebrities should be on reality TV shows.  Though you get the mega-exposure that you had (or always wanted to have) when you were in your prime, you also always kind of end up looking like an idiot. 

Sebastian Bach was so incredibly cool when he was in Skid Row.  Now he may be the whiniest, most annoying TV personality on the planet.  Even my sister, a die-hard Bach supporter, has given up on the show because he is so annoying.  “He has officially ruined the ‘rock on’ devil horns," she says.  But it does make for great television.

If you can get over the embarrassingly awkward moments of Bach telling the PR team that he has a top 20 hit (“I Remember You” on the newest Monster Ballads CD), him crying about his dad or drunkenly telling Anthrax’s Scott Ian that he loves him and that he'll never play with another guitar player (um, they are going to be in a band together for 12 days), you'll be glued. 

Review: Catch 22 Permanent Revolution

Catch 22 
Permanent Revolution

Over its brief history, Catch 22 has asked a lot of its fans, releasing three albums with three different singers (the best being Thomas Kalnoky now of Streetlight Manifesto). Finally offering a bit of consistency, Permanent Revolution, is the second studio album featuring saxophonist Ryan Eldred on vocals.

The band’s last effort, 2003’s Dinosaur Sounds, was so poor it was almost unlistenable. Unfortunately, Eldred doesn’t fare much better this time around. While Eldred is competent on the saxophone, his vocal style could be described as “lounge singer.”

Permanent Revolution is a concept album, detailing the rise and fall of the Bolshevik Revolution. Though it’s a compelling idea, the excitement of the revolution doesn’t really come across in the recording. Even the most up-tempo tracks seem to lag to the speed of Eldred’s lethargic delivery.

About halfway through the album, band and singer finally find the same style, with the unbearable lounge number “Alma Ata (1928).”

I give Catch 22 props for taking on the Bolsheviks and for a slight improvement over their last album. However, I still think this CD is going into the never-get-around-to-listening-to-again pile. Sorry, boys.

Raves: Napoleon Dynamite

"Napoleon Dynamite" is one of those movies that you either really love or really hate. There isn't much action and there doesn't even really seem to be a plot until the last 20 minutes of the film. Nevertheless, I thought it was "flippin' sweet!"

There is always at least one really weird kid in every school. How did those kids get so weird? Taking a look at Napoleon Dynamite may give a few answers.

Napoleon lives in Idaho with his grandma. He has a 32-year-old brother who meets "babes" on the internet and an uncle that wants to build a time machine to go back to 1982--his high school football glory days. It's no wonder Napoleon loves to draw Pegasus-es and that his favorite animal is the liger.

The movie revolves around Napoleon befriending Pedro, the new kid and Deb, the glamour-less, Glamour Shots employee. Here are some of the ways that they solve their problems:

Pedro deciding how to ask the most popular girl in school to the dance: "[I'll] build her a cake or something."

Napoleon telling Pedro why he should run for student body president: "You've got a sweet bike, you're good at getting chicks, plus you're the only guy at school who has a moustache."

Pedro explaining why was wearing a hood: "I realized it was my hair that was making my head so hot. I went into my kitchen and shaved it all off."

It all makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Great comedy.

If you liked the movie, you should definitely check out this link [outdated]. You can relive the clips from the movie, make your own glamour shots, and even make your own iron-on t-shirts. Sweet!

George Bush on My Voicemail

Now, I thought it was cool when I had a voicemail from Thurl Bailey on my cell phone. Well, that's nothing comparing to getting a call from the Commander in Chief. That's right - George Dubya called me on the phone yesterday. If my dang cell phone wouldn't have been out of batteries I could have chatted it up with the guy, but instead he just had to leave me a heartfelt message about why he thinks I should vote for Chris Cannon. That sure was thoughtful of him to call and remind me to vote. What a sweetheart.

Other GWB-related posts:

Get Your Photo on w/ George W.
George Bush vs. Seth Cohen
Spencer vs. George Bush

Baby's First Vacation

We survived our first post-baby vacation last weekend. We took Paige with us to St. George to the annual stay-at-a-condo-with-the-Pearsons trip. The first challenge was getting her there. She hates being in her car seat, so we didn’t know how well she’d do with the 4 ½ hour car ride. We debated whether to head out Wednesday night after Traci got off work and hope that she’d sleep the whole way there or go Thursday morning. We chose the former.

The car ride worked well. Because it was around her normal bedtime, Paige slept most of the ride. Unfortunately, the transition from the car to her pack-n-play crib was too much to ask. She woke up and was ready to party, which was fine. I’ll hang with Paige at 1 in the morning in St. George, right on. But her party meter ran out after about 20 minutes and then she was tired and crying. At about 4 a.m. she finally decided to go to sleep.

Fortunately for us, the Pearsons are madly in love with her and, I think, were all waiting outside of our bedroom for the first signs of her morning awaking. When Paige got up at 7:30 a.m. Traci and I just passed her off and went back to bed. It was our first chance to sleep-in in the past seven months.

The trip was pretty relaxing despite the 110 degree heat. I had a bit of stress when everyone was at the pool and I was alone in the condo. When I made my way over to the pool, I locked the door behind me – not realizing how the keyless entry worked – and successfully locked us all out of the house. Luckily we had the number of the condo owner, the only problem being that it was inside the locked condo. I would have single-handedly wrecked the whole trip if Makell’s friend Emily didn’t weigh 75 pounds and climb like a monkey. I boosted her up to the second floor and she grabbed the railing like a gymnast. She snuck quietly in through the balcony door. Hallelujah.

Paige loves being in the water, so she had fun at the pool. All she wants to do in the water is jump up and down, so it’s good that we had a lot of different hands that were willing to bounce her.

Traci loves going to the pool, so she was happy. I love watching cable. I watched the disappointing U.S. soccer match, a million of episode’s of Run’s House, The Hills and Pimp My Ride, so I was happy as well. We got to meet our friend Susie for lunch, Traci’s dad taught me how to play racquetball and we skipped church on Sunday. Huzzah for vacation!

Greetings from Southern Utah

Paige is already a regular fish at the swimming pool here in St. George. She woke up bright and cheery as ever this morning after keeping her mom and dad up until 4 a.m. this morning. Traci and I...well, not so cheery. But how could you stay mad at that face?

The Sutherland's Residence: Now LoveSac Free

The Sutherlands are now LoveSac free. Because I was only paid in propane LoveSacs and propane LoveSac accessories during my six months interning at the company, our house was literally filled with LoveSacs and LoveSac accessories.

However, the novelty runs out quickly when you're trying to shove the 6-foot, 85-pound thing through the bedroom door every time you want to clean the carpets.

The LoveSac has found a new home in Traci's sister Jillian's bedroom. We only lent it to her. Since LoveSac filed bankruptcy they may become extinct, you know, and then maybe it'll be a collector's item.

Arena Football's Semi-Charmed Life

Today was ArenaBowl XX. You're right, "XX" does mean 20, which means that Arena Football has been around for 20 years. Who knew? Though Traci and I had a lot of fun a weeks ago when we went to see Utah's expansion team, The Blaze, somebody's got to talk to the marketing folks at the Arena Football League.

I turned on ArenaBowl just in time for the half-time show. The performance was by none other than Third Eye Blind. And the best part? Yes, they were playing "Semi-Charmed Life." Were all of the marketers and event planners sitting together, brainstorming, when someone said, "I've got it! We'll get Third Eye Blind for the half-time show of our biggest event. They were huge in 1997!" Did they completely overlook the fact that Jon Bon Jovi, who strangely enough still is a really big star (just ask my sisters), owns an Arena Football team? Couldn't they just ask him?

If the game wasn't exciting enought, ticketholders were also treated to a free Third Eye Blind concert after the show. Napoleon Dynamite says "lucky."

World Cup Fever (Hup Holland Hup)

(Oh the homoeroticism that is professional sports)

I've already got a mild case of World Cup Fever. I made the trip to my inlaws (we don't have cable) at 6:45 a.m. this morning to watch Holland take on Serbia & Montenegro. I even wore my Dutch jersey. Since the Pearsons were all still asleep when I got there, I tried to be very quiet. When Arjen Robben scored in the 18th minute, I whispered "Goaaaaaalllll!"

I'd like to call in sick to work tomorrow to watch the U.S. game, but I've got fire extinguisher training at work. It's a big day at work.

Not Without My(space) Daughter

In all of my job searching I guess I should look into working for MySpace. With all of the child predators and the like, I think they probably need a lot of PR work.

From Yahoo:
"A 16-year-old honor student from Michigan tricked her parents into getting her a passport and then flew off to the Mideast to be with a West Bank man she met on MySpace.com, authorities say."

Here's my thought about the whole thing. I don't think this story would be getting the amount of coverage that it has if she wasn't meeting a guy from the Middle East. No one would have cared if a girl went off to meet a dude in Canada or even Italy. Why? Because we in the U.S. think that all Middle Eastern men are swarthy, hairy-chested women smugglers who are going to take our women captive, never again to return.

That made me think back to a high school education highlight from my own life. Mr. Brian Hughes coached basketball and taught driver's ed at Murray High. I remember that during our driving lessons he would have us drive him on his personal errands - to the post office, to the Subway, to his mom's house. Very classy. He also taught World Civilizations.

I attribute the fact that I know nothing about world history to Mr. Hughes' class. When we got to the section about the Middle East, we watched "Not Without My Daughter," the movie where Sally Fields gets married to an Iranian. He takes her home for a vacation and then never lets her go back to the states. She then goes to crazy lengths to escape and get back home.

It took us like three days to watch the movie. That was our entire education on the Middle East. On behalf of the hundreds of sophomores that took your class, Mr. Hughes, I would like to thank you for contributing to our cultural ignorance. And thank you, Mr. Hughes' mom for the carrot cake that you gave us the day we stopped by your house on our driver's ed route.

Seve vs. Evan, the new Stretsch Armstronng?

“I could be most of these kids’ mom,” Traci said as we waited around Kilby Court for Seve vs. Evan show. I’d guess that most of the kids were between 14-17, so that would mean Traci would’ve given birth when she was 12. While the age difference wasn’t quite as dramatic as Traci made it seem, we did feel really old.

The evening was weird. Seve vs. Evan is a two-man band from Provo that I’ve been wanting to see live. Seve plays the keyboard and sings while Evan mans the drumkit. All of their songs sound like they were ripped from the soundtrack of 8-bit Nintendo games. The strangest part about the band, though, is that apparently kids can’t get enough of ‘em.

I wasn’t ready for the fanaticism surrounding the band. Seve vs. Evan was the opening act for a touring band, yet the place was packed with kids waiting to see them. The second the music started the kids all went absolutely nuts. Feet were a-dancin’ and everyone new every single word. When the band reached the bridge of their first song everyone started doing some choreographed dance where they did the underwater move –you know, when you plug your nose and pretend to be under the water. When everyone had boogied down to the floor I am sure that there were only two heads visible above the crowd – mine and Traci’s, because we didn’t know what was going on.

My first thought was all these kids were idiots, dancing around to this stupid music with the collars up on their polo shirts and their girl pants so incredibly tight. But then I had a flashback: a young Spencer and Ty skankin’ to Stretsch Armstronng every weekend, sometimes accompanied by Ryan MC in full Rude Boy motif.

Are Seve vs. Evan the new Stretsch Armstronng? There are a lot of similarities– quirky lyrics, danceable tunes, hugely popular with kids in Utah County. The polar opposite is the size of the presentation. There was something exciting about a small stage packed with musicians jumping around. Conversely, Seve vs. Evan are the epitome of minimalism. But keyboards are very comparable to horns, in that both are generally played by geeks.

So what’s a 26-year-old to do? I like the music, but I do feel a bit like a child predator hanging out with all these kids. I guess I’ll just have to listen to the CD at home and dance with Paige.

Check out Seve vs. Evan

June Consumption

Music

AFI - Decemberunderground
The Bouncing Souls - The Gold Album
The Cardinal Sin - Hurry Up and Wait
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium
Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now
Goo Goo Dolls - Let Love In

Books

An Ordinary Man: An Autobiography by Paul Rusesabagina and Tom Zoellner

Review: Bouncing Souls - The Gold Record

Bouncing Souls
The Gold Record

The Bouncing Souls’ seventh record starts out fast and furious with the driving punk tune “The Gold Song,” either quoting the Robert Frost poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay” or – given the Souls love for ‘80s movies – The Outsiders (“Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold”). 

By the second track, the boys from New Jersey get back to their usual sing-along choruses and songs about loving what they do and where they’re from.  They do break out of the mold a bit, busting out an acoustic guitar and accordion for “The Pizza Song,” a la Green Day’s “Warning.”  It’s not really a great song, but an admirable effort nonetheless. 

The most emotional moments come during “Letters from Iraq,” with lyrics taken directly from letters soldiers have sent the band while serving in the war.  “All that's left of Bullet Billy is a pair of bloody boots/ His mom is on the phone/ His girl is all alone/ We all stand in the rain/ for a twenty-one gun salute.”

Though the album stumbles in places, i.e. the infectiously annoying “Sarah Saturday,” it’s a pretty good record overall with standout tracks including “Lean on Sheena,” “Midnight Mile” and “For All the Unheard.” 

For whatever reason, it seems to take a new Bouncing Souls album for me to get into the previous release, so I’ll be spending the next few weeks revisiting 2003’s Anchors Aweigh.

May Consumption

Music

Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Stadium Arcadium
Ben Harper - Both Sides of a Good
Eagles of Death Metal - Death by Sexy
Dannii Minogue
Catch 22 - Live
MC Lars - The Graduate
The Cardinal Sin - Demos
Pearl Jam - S/T
Paris Texas - Like You Like an Arsonist
Rob Zombie - Educated Horses


Books

The Bill from My Father by Bernard Cooper

Live Video: Johnny TL @ Todd's Bar & Grill

For the unfortunate few of you who missed our show at Todd's Bar & Grill with the infamous Rhett McCaughey, you're in luck - we recorded it! As a treat to you loyal Manifesto readers, here's a live clip of us performing our world-wide mega hit "Conceited Girl."

 

Alice in Chains Reunite

Bands replacing dead founding members is problematic at best. Strangely, though, I was happy [maybe not happy, but at least interested] when I heard that Alice in Chains is reuniting after the death of frontman Layne Staley. Staley, by far the coolest character from the grunge invasion, will be replaced by William DuVall from Comes With the Fall (a band I have never heard.)

Normally, this sort of thing would really bother me. But I think the fact that Alice in Chain's guitar player Jerry Cantrell wrote almost all of the music, half of the lyrics and even sang a bunch of the songs, it's probably tolerable to have a new singer. Unfortunately I never had the chance to see the band live, so maybe this will have to be the next best thing.

Ex-GnR man and current Velvet Revolver Duff McKagan will also be touring with the band on a few of the dates.

Get Your Photo On with George Bush

My friend Bert visited me the other night. He works as a facilities manager at a convention center in Iowa. He said George Dubya was in town a few weeks ago to endorse a political candidate. When I asked him if he had a chance to meet the commander in chief he said, "Almost."

Bert had hoped to get his picture taken with the prez, but apparently didn't have the wallet for it. Anyone attending the conference was welcome to get their picture taken with the president, given they were willing to pay for it. The price? $10,000. What sucker would pay that much for a photo? Bert said that there were at least 20 people who shelled out the cash. Who could blame 'em?

A Fax from Thurl Bailey

Since Utah doesn’t really have any real celebrities, we have to settle for news reporter [see Shauna Thomas Disappears], creepy Mormon recording artists [think Kurt Bestor] or senators who think it’s a great idea to blow up music file sharers [please don’t vote for Orrin Hatch, please].  Oh, and old basketball stars.

I interviewed ex-Utah Jazz star Thurl Bailey for Utah Business Magazine a couple of weeks ago.  Big T now has his own clothing line (cleverly called the Thurl Bailey Collection) in addition to his career as a Mormon music artist, his film career which includes such roles as Goliath in a seminary movie, a Jazz commentator and the owner of a fertilizer company (whah?!). 

I must say it was very cool to check the messages on my cell phone and hear, in the deepest voice imaginable, “Hey, Spencer.  This is Thurl Bailey.”  But the funny part was that he was calling to tell me that his email response to me kept getting sent back to him.  I gave him two other addresses, but still no luck.  I started thinking that Thurl wasn't such a superstar in the email department.  He called me again and told me he’d fax it to me.  Yes, Thurl Bailey printed off the email and faxed it to me.  I couldn’t help thinking of Kip singing at the end of Napoleon Dynamite, “Yes, I love technology.  But not as much as you, you see…”

Thanksgiving Point vs. Keukenhof

The three of us ventured down to Utah County on Friday night for the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. Traci wanted to see the flowers, I went because she said there was going to be Dutch food there.

Though it was no Keukenhof (the royal tulip gardens in Holland), the gardens at Thanksgiving Point were quite nice. The weather was perfect and it was good to just be outside. When we finally reached the Dutch concession stand, I did however feel like I was back in Holland. I paid $2 for the tiniest bottle of lukewarm Cassis (black currant flavored soda). After I finished it, I walked over to a vending machine at bought a Sprite that was about three times as large for $1.50. We Americans sure are a thirsty bunch.

Rock and Roll Lifestyle: Todd’s Bar & Grill

Though it was a nightmare from the beginning, our show at Todd’s Bar & Grill last weekend ended up being pretty rocktastic.

All of the shows at Todd’s are booked through a promoter named Zach. About a month ago I got an email from him saying that he was working on the April calendar and that he would schedule us in for the 15th.

My friend and former Twelfth of Never and Left foot Forward band mate, Rhett McCaughey, was planning on visiting Traci and I in April and I wanted him to play a show with us while he was here. I figured that the show at Todd’s was as good a show as any.

So the band went on rocking through March and April and I realized that I hadn’t heard anything back from Zach about the show. I emailed him to see what bands we would be playing with, the start time, the cover charge, etc, but I didn’t hear anything back from him. I left him a message on his cell phone, and then a second message. Nothing.

Doin’ Time

I finally got the following email response about a week before the scheduled show, and just a few days before Rhett was to arrive:

“Zach is in jail. Give Nick at Todd's a call.”

Zach’s in jail? Great. First our show in January gets cancelled because the man shut down the LoFi Café, and now our show at Todd’s would be cancelled because the promoter was in jail. (I don’t think this was Zach’s first time in jail. When he was booking shows at the Ritz I remember getting his voicemail and it said, “Hey, this is Zach. I’m not going to be around for a few months.” That struck me as strange at the time, but it seems to make more sense now.)

I kept trying to get a hold of Nick, but to no avail. Rhett was coming either way, so I needed to find somewhere for us to play. I checked the schedule at the Avalon, Kilby Court, Captain’s Quarters, even the Circuit, which we hate. Nothing was open. We were so desperate that I booked an opening slot for a metal band at Club Boom Va in Ogden. I was sure all of our friends would want to spend their Friday night hanging out with us in dirty old Ogden.

Pay to Play

Well, our time on the Club Boom Va bill lasted about six hours. That’s when the club emailed me back and said that they were excited for us to play; we just needed to buy 20 tickets at $6 a piece up front and then resell them. What? Sounded pretty much like “pay to play” to me. Oh no, they ensured me:

“its not pay to play. u just have to buy tickets to sell... you just need to sell them. then you get 40$ out of the deal.”

Hmmm. So we just needed to buy $120 (i.e. pay) in tickets and then we’d get to open (i.e. play) for a crappy metal band and then they’d give us $40 in return. That’s totally not pay to play. Oh, and we’d have to pay for the gas to drive three cars to Ogden. What was I thinking when I turned down the offer?

So now we were right back to no show again. I was getting really worried we weren’t going to be able to find anything. I had no choice but to ask my boss, Joy, if we could open for his band at a wine bar in Park City, playing for a bunch of 40-year-old women with leathery skin and bleached-blond hair.

That’s when we heard back from Todd’s Bar & Grill. Phew. Now all we had to worry about was playing all of our material with a guest band member on bass and Aaron switching to the guitar for the first time. No problem. Oh, and one other thing – we were the only band that Zach had booked for the night, so the bar wanted us to find a two or three other bands to play with us.

I didn’t think that finding bands who wanted to play a Saturday night show would be hard, but I was wrong. Four different bands said, “Yeah, we’d love to play, just let me check with so-and-so and I’ll get back to you.” Only one band even got back to me to say that they weren’t going to play. I never heard back at all from any of the others.

Saturday night came around and we were still the only band on the bill. Being the only band is no bigs if you have a ton of fans who love watching you late at night at dive bars. Well, between us three band members, we’ve got like 12 friends and we’d already stretched their affection over the past three weekends of shows. Four straight weekends is a lot to ask of anyone.

But I was confident that Todd’s Bar & Grill was a happening enough place that there would already be a bunch of people hanging out there, just waiting to be rocked. There were actually a half a dozen people milling about when we showed up at 9:30. Everyone seemed to be glued to the Ultimate Fighting match on the TVs in the bar.

I’m Coming Up, So You Better Get this Party Started

We started setting up our equipment in the empty room adjacent to the bar, confident that we would get the party going on the dance floor once we started playing. By about 10:30 we decided all of our friends had arrived – my sister and her husband, Danny’s wife and three friends and Rhett’s German roommate, Claus – so we might as well get started.

I had an interesting vantage point from where I was standing on the stage; I could see the above-stated friends to my right, and everyone in the bar straight ahead of me. With each song we played, the bar attendance slowly diminished. About halfway through our a set a lesbian couple walked in, looked at us for about 45 seconds and walked back out. And by the time we finished, the bar was completely empty, just our seven friends sitting there.

“Wow,” Danny said from behind the drum set, “I’ve never cleared out an entire bar before. Cool.” Now, that’s punk rock.

We played a pretty good show, but after we finished I was content to just pack up our stuff and hit the road. As I was moving some equipment, the sound girl came up to me and said that we had made $20. How is that possible? Apparently, we got all of the cover charge money. All of friends got in for free, which means that four people paid to see us play. Hey, $20 bucks is $20 bucks, especially when we never get paid at any of the shows that people actually come to.

So despite the difficulties, it was a good show. It’s always nice to rock and it was cool to have Rhett there playing with us. We’ll use the $20 bucks to get some punk rock pins made.

Now we’re going to take a bit of time off from shows; four shows in a row is a lot for us. We really need to sit down and finish the album we’ve been working on. Since we’re doing it all in my basement, the trick is finding time to work on it and deciding when it’s good enough to luck the world hear it…

April Consumption

Music

Matchbook Romance - Voices
Cat Power - The Greatest
Saves the Day - Sound the Alarm
Aly & AJ - Into the Rush
Zox - The Wait

Books

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

Is Brian David Mitchell Tasting the Rainbow?

You know how I love TV commercials. I can't get enough of the very creepy new Skittles commercial where the guy is picking up Skittles with his long beard and then putting them in his, and then the interviewer's, mouth.

I am the only one who thinks the bearded man has an uncanny resemblance to Elizabeth Smart snatcher, Brian David Mitchell?

Gone but Not Forgotten

Kurt Cobain died 12 years ago today, but luckily he will live on in action figure form:

"While Kurt Cobain may no longer be part of the corporeal world, his words, voice, music, and attitude can still be felt today thanks to the full albums, videos, and unheard of amount of bootlegs left behind. Sure, there are still some songs here and there that diehard Nirvana fans may have not been able to get in its finest form of clarity, and we are still waiting for an official DVD release that catalogs all their music videos, but the one thing that many fans have been asking for and have never received in ANY form, official or not, is an action figure. Many other musical icons have been brought to plastic and NECA is proud to be able to bring that same respect and admiration to Kurt Cobain's memory with our figure.

Based on his appearance in the video for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" this Kurt Cobain Action figure includes his guitar, rendered in painstaking detail, and part of the gymnasium floor as his base. Be on the lookout for Kurt to stand with his guitar again on store shelves late in June." [NECA Online]

We miss you, Kurt.

The Mysterious Disappearance of Shauna Thomas

Was I the only one who thought it was strange that one day we went from seeing the waifish overly-perking Shauna Thomas every day as Fox 13's morning remote location monkey to seeing the accurately-named Big Budah?

What happened to Shauna Thomas? It seemed like she just disappeared. Then I noticed that instead of doing the morning gig she started doing entertainment/celebrity interviews. I heard predictions that they were priming her to the be the station's American Idol correspondent, which seemed to make sense.

But then she was just gone and Big Budah was the full-time guy. I started poking around for answers. (I'm an aspiring investigative journalist, you know.) But no one seemed to have any answers. Shauna was just gone.

Then I received a strange email tip. I was sent to the International Movie Database. What? This couldn't be the same Shauna Thomas, could it? You'd have to be a big star to play "Party Girl #3" in a movie like Bikini Hotel.

And then I got the real news. It seems that Shauna's high profile acting career may have earned her walking papers from Fox 13.

From The Pitch:

"...Thomas, a freelance TV reporter and Kansas City native, returned to the metro to serve during February sweeps with FOX affiliate WDAF Channel 4. The Channel 4 gig was supposed to last just a month, but Thomas, who spent two years with the FOX affiliate in Salt Lake City, looked forward to spending some time back home with her family. Then came Internet rumors claiming that Thomas had a past as a porn princess. Among the blogger headlines: "FOX 4's Shauna Thomas and soft porn" and "New FOXy reporter is into S&M!!"

The stories all cited Sex, Love and Murder, a six-minute Internet flick on AtomFilms.com that warns viewers: "for mature audiences only." Thomas does appear in the dark comedy, playing "the blonde." But it's no porno. Thomas did the film seven years ago as a favor to a friend, Cris Mancuso, who wrote the short for an acting class.

"In my opinion, it's very sad how the whole thing has gotten blown out of proportion, and it's hurt a lot of people in my life, including me," Thomas tells the Pitch. "I wish I never would have done it."

In her brief time onscreen, Thomas rides a guy while whipping him S&M-style and makes out with another woman (what woman hasn't by now?), but the movie is actually pretty tame — it's hardly hotter than FOX's prime-time lineup. Not even a nipple slip. We couldn't figure out why there was so much buzz over a fictional film. Neither could Thomas.

"It's a character," she says. "I'm here for a month, and this is the focus of everyone.... This was seven years ago. It would be one thing if that was a sex tape you saw of me in the privacy of my own home, but it's not. It is part of my acting career."

It's probably for the best. Now that she doesn't have to worry about working as a news reporter, Shauna can get back to her work in legitimate theatre. You know, things like the TV version of Weird Science.

The Return of the Rentals

Apparently, ex-Weezer bassist and Rentals frontman Matt Sharp has finally come to his senses. After releasing the most mind-numbingly boring solo album of all time, he has decided that it's time to reunite the Rentals. Sharp is writing music, but hasn't said who's going to be in the band. It's too bad he hasn't decided to return to Weezer to see if he can do something for that trainwreck.

[Read the MTV story here. Thanks, Traci.]

A few years ago, Traci and I went to see the freshly solo Sharp perform at the University of Utah. I felt fine about hearing some new tunes, but I really wanted to hear some Rentals songs and maybe even some Weezer material. No luck. He and ex-Cake member Greg Brown played the slowest, most uninteresting music I have ever heard (and I've heard a lot of uninteresting music). After 45 minutes or so, we could handle it no longer and we walked out.

His solo album finally came out about a year later. Because I'm a sucker I downloaded it, thinking maybe it would be better than I remembered. Nope. It sucked. Despite the disappointment, I still have high hopes for the new Rentals.

Never Knew that History was Where They would Land...

Yet another embarassing insight into my life. I am a sucker for Saturday morning TV. Not Saturday morning cartoons, but those Disney shows like That's So Raven and Lizzie McGuire. Finally, I've said it!!! Phew, what a weight off my shoulders.

Anyway, my favorite show is Phil of the Future. It you're not familiar with it (you're missing out, duh), it's about a family from the future that was traveling through time when their space ship broke down in present time. Pure gold!

Yesterday, Traci brought it to my attention, that like every other Disney jail bait actress - Hillary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, Scary Raven Simone - that adorable Keely Teslow from Phil of the Future, Alyson Michalko has now become a pop star.

She's teamed up with her big sister to form Aly & AJ. What's great is that no matter how hard to strain your ears, it is literally impossible to differentiate between these girls and Hillary Duff. Impossible, I tells ya.

Don't worry, Traci's already ordered it for the library so I can check it out. A full review will follow shortly. Patience, my friends, patience.

The Lowdown on the Downlow

I'm now officially down with the brown, since my subscription to Vibe Magazine finally showed up. To make sure crackers like me are up to date on the current linguistical trends, Vibe has a little sidebar called "Slanguistics." This month I learned the following:

Paper Plates n. Large chrome rims. On "Family Ties," Dipset's 40 Cal brags about his Twinkies alongside Cam'ron and Hell Rell, spitting, "My truck is why haters hate, they think I'm drivin' a kitchen 'cause it comes with deep dishes and paper plates."

Look for me to be walking through parking lots saying, "Oh, no you didn't, check out the paper plates on that ride!!!"

Or more accurately, me driving through a parking lot and all the kids saying, "Oh, snap! Check out the paper plates on that Ford Focus!!!"

Hooray for TV

Of course I'd like to have Tivo; I'd be able to skip thousands of horrible commercials. But then again, I'd probably miss out on gems like this one. How can you not love the creepy guy that got killed by the even creepier pedophile guy in Prison Break pretending to be a creepy techno German guy? (Hey fun boys, get a room!)

I love that he's going to "drop it like it's hot" and I love it even more that he's "representing Deutschland."

Thanks for the smiles, Volkswagen.

Watch the commercial here.



More importantly, is that I've finally found what I want to do with my life. I have decided that I need to go work in the advertising department at Burger King. I want to wake up with the King. I want to dance with the Whopperettes (and hang out with Hootie). I want to take a seminar from Dr. Angus. And now, more than anything, I want to live with the Whopper family.

Burger King's food may be mildly disgusting, but they've definitely got the most entertaining (or at least creepiest) commercials in the burger game.

Watch the whole series of "Whopper Family Values" here.

All-Time Favorite Albums

I have always toyed with the idea of posting a list of my favorite albums of all time, but it just seemed like too daunting a task. As I started thinking about it this weekend, I decided it wouldn't really be that tough.

I'm not listing the most important albums, or even the best albums. These are the records that I enjoy from front to back and I've listened to about 50 million times. In alphabetical order:

Alice in Chains - Dirt
Alkaline Trio - G@*&%$!6*^#
Bad Religion - Stranger Than Fiction
Bouncing Souls - The Black Album
Cake - Fashion Nugget
Catch 22 - Keasbey Nights
Daft Punk - Discovery
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Hot Hot Heat - Make up the Breakdown
Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American
Kylie Minogue - Fever
Local H - As Good as Dead
Millencolin - For Monkeys
Nada Surf - Let Go
Nirvana - In Utero
Pedro the Lion - Control
P.O.D. - Satellite
Rentals - The Return of the Rentals
RX Bandits - The Resignation
Samiam - Astray
Saves the Day - Stay What You Are
Seven Mary Three - Rock Crown
Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss
Streetlight Manifesto - Everything Goes Numb
Travoltas - Endless Summer
Voodoo Glow Skulls - Band Geek Mafia
Weezer - Pinkerton

Honorable Mention:
(A few albums that I could probably live without, but still have a special place in my heart)

Bouncing Souls - Hopeless Romantic
Eels - Beautiful Freak
Face to Face - S/T
Strung Out - American Paradox
Stretsch Armstronng - Lollygag
The Killers - Hot Fuss

Oh, Super Dell. You so C-razy...

“This is thanks to all of you. All the media in Utah are liars and murderers…I would not want to be in your shoes having caused this. You are agents of Satan and you need to repent.”

You’ve got to hand it to Super Dell Schanze, now former owner of Totally Awesome Computers. He just really has a way with words. I hope he will be as eloquent during his May 10 trial when he faces charges of pulling a gun on his neighbors.

It appears that the whole crazy-commercial-man-who’s-crazy-in-real-life-too thing hasn’t really helped his computer business much, but I would imagine it hasn’t hurt his gun business.

[Here's Dell's letter to his former customers.]
[Read the DesNew article about Dell's craziness here.]

Traci and I ran into Super Dell one night at the dollar movies in Sugarhouse. He was buying his ticket when a group of teenage boys spotted him. “Hey Super Dell,” they shouted, “What are you doing here?”

In his high-pitched, over-the-top commercial voice he responded, “Even Super Dell has to go the movies!”

From this short interaction I made a few observations. 1) For all of the money Totally Awesome Computers is bringing in, Super Dell still goes to the dollar movies. 2) Super Dell refers to himself in the third person, which is always a total sign of sanity. 3) He does indeed only have 9 and-a-half fingers.

I had a handful of other indirect interactions with Super Dell while I was working at the credit union. Most memorable was the following:

A man walked up to my teller station in full camouflage and combat boots. I was sure that he was going to rob me, but instead he just wanted to cash a check drawn off of Super Dell’s account. I believe it was for something like $42,000.

Now, people don’t just walk in and cash a $42,000 check. There’s fingerprinting, signature verification, phone verification and forms that all have to be filled out first. Then, after all of that, normally a person would just like to exchange their personal check for a cashier’s check. Not this guy. He wanted it all in cash.

While we were going through the paperwork I asked the guy why Schanze was giving him so much money. Apparently he supplied Dell’s side business, Totally Awesome Weapons, with many of its totally awesome weapons.

“So Dell’s pretty into guns, eh,” I continued with the awkward small talk. “Doesn’t he have trouble shooting, you know, since he’s missing his trigger finger?” I thought that I could get a smile with that one. Nope.

“Dell’s an incredibly good shot,” camouflage man said in his gravelly voice. “He’s the only person I’ve ever met that can outshoot me.”

As I was counting out 420 one hundred dollar bills I said to camo man, “So, do you feel pretty safe just walking out of here with so much money?” It takes quite a bit of time to count to 420 (if you’re bored, you should try it). And people standing in line start getting a bit bug-eyed when they see that much money sitting on the counter.

“Don’t worry,” he said with a smile, “I’m packing right now.”
If there’s one thing that makes a teller feel comfortable, it’s counting out large amounts of cash and handing them to a man who is carrying a gun. Great company you keep, Super Dell.

If Only Kobe Had Such a Deal...

Aren't Russians great? [Thanks, Ty]

From the Salt Lake Trib:

Andrei Kirilenko has been granted restricted free agency - by his wife.
Masha Lopatova, a former Russian pop star who has been married to the Jazz forward for nearly six years, understands the temptation NBA players are faced with as they travel around the country for seven months a year. And she believes that forbidding something only makes it more tempting. That's why, she revealed in a story in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine, she allows Kirilenko an "allowance" of one night per year with another woman.
"What's forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered," Lopatova said before the Jazz's loss to Charlotte on Wednesday. "It's the same way raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want more than anything? Pizza.
"So this is the arrangement that Andrei and I have," she said, adding, in the spirit of openness, that she does not have a reciprocal agreement with her husband. "If I know about it, it's not cheating."
Kirilenko, according to the magazine story written by Salt Lake City freelance writer Chad Nielsen, has no plans to exercise his "allowance."
"Of course it was a surprise," Kirilenko said. "I'm not planning to do anything. But she said, 'If you want to do it, you can do it.' "

Raising a Supermodel

Last week, Traci and her mom took Paige to Kiddie Kandids for the first time with the goal of getting some pictures of the baby in her blessing dress.  Oh, it’s no easy task. 

I guess Paige started crying the second they got into the mall (who could blame her, I hate the mall, too).  Traci tried to get her calmed down by giving her a bottle, but that just made her fall asleep.  So the ladies went to the food court and then tried again after lunch.  No luck, still screaming.

If your kid is crying, Kiddie Kandids lets you come back any time that day without having to pay the sitting fee again.  Determined to get a smile out of Paige, Traci and I went back to the mall later that night. 

We bounced our cranky child through 101 Dalmatians one-and-a-half times before it was our turn. She got in front of the camera and cried.  Defeated, we headed back home.  We walked in our front door and she immediately started smiling.  There is no doubt who is in charge of this family. 

Despite these small setbacks, three months into to it and parenthood seems to be getting a bit easier.  (I know that I am not really the one to talk, since Traci does the majority of the parenting.)  Paige has started sleeping through the night, which is an absolute godsend.  It is amazing what a difference a full night of sleep can make. 

She has become quite a smiley baby (she just doesn’t smile at Kiddie Kandids) and her favorite thing to smile at is herself.  Seeing herself in the mirror completely cracks her right up.  This mo.rning she finally discovered that is a mirror in the middle of the mobile that hangs above her swing.  She was mesmerized.  The swing has become new again! 

Traci has gone back to work part-time at the library.  She hates being away from Paige and we hope sooner rather later she’ll be able to stay home full-time.  In the meantime, both grandmothers are coveting their babysitting time.  All is well. 

How do I get my name in the "Urban Dictionary?"

R. Kelly's has his own listing in the "Urban Dictionary." Unfortunately, that is not enough to get a man arrested for trying to abduct an 11-year-old girl. Disturbingly funny.

[thanks stereogum.]

Commander Cuckoo Bananas & the United Arab Emirates

I am having just a bit of trouble getting my head around this. We (apparently) invaded Iraq because we wanted to prevent terrorists from coming over to America and taking another cheap shot. But now we're inviting the United Arab Emirates, who also have terrorist ties, not only to come on over to the U.S., but to basically have the skeleton key to the country's ports? Meanwhile, Bush can't seem to understand why we're all a bit confused by this. (See blank stare above.)

[Read latest CNN story about the ordeal here.]

I think Homer summed it up best when he was sending Bart off to Catholic school.

Homer to Bart: We're going to send you to another school! And if you get kicked out of that school, you're going straight into the army, where you'll be sent to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo Bananas in charge!

LoveSac CEO, Apparently No Longer Sorry

I guess Shawn Nelson isn't sorry about his bankruptcy anymore. Last week I linked to Shawn's apologetic blog entry, but now it is nowhere to be found. It has been replaced with the following:

Going Forward

— shawn @ 4:25 pm

LoveSac is in reorganization and will emerge a much stronger, healthier company. We are making great strides towards providing a plan by which the LoveSac brand and stores can provide value for all of those who have supported it and will support the company going forward.

Meanwhile–support the cause. Sacs and Sactionals make the ULTIMATE home theater furniture.

Never stop rockin’.

We haven’t.

Shawn

Humility never was his strongest trait. Don't worry, the 50 million pictures of Shawn and his disciples are still available.

February Consuption

Music

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - S/T
Yellowcard - Lights and Sounds
P.O.D. - Testify
Bouncing Souls - Live

Books

Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Johnny Tight Lips News

After a radical show at Kilby Court last weekend, Johnny Tight Lips will be taking a short break from touring the world to focus on recording our mega hit debut album. We began initial drum tracking last night. Danny has already torn through two songs with more on the way tonight. After playing as a band for 8-ish months, it will be nice to finally have some stuff recorded. Keep your ears peeled for more details.

Poor. Rebel Billionaire.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't ecstatic when I heard that LoveSac filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. $3.2 million dollars in debt. Not bad. (According to the picture above, Shawn still has enough money to pay for an awful emo hairdo.)

Somehow I always knew it would happen. Maybe I was tipped off by the fact that I was never paid in paper currency, only in LoveSac products. I guess I did pretty good for myself, though. I own three Love Sacs, a half dozen nap sacs (the sleeping bag), the foot sac slippers, a couple of beanies, five hoodies and a week's worth of t-shirts. Traci is equally as decked out. Unfortunately, we've always been too embarrased to really wear any of it in public. It was like advertising for Satan. Wait, Satan's kind of cool when it comes to shirts and stuff. Maybe it was like advertising Wal-Mart.

It's unfortunate that my internship at LoveSac pre-dates my blogging career, because the Manifesto would have been full of all sorts of dirt.

Read Shawn's apology to his minions of LoveSac-loving fans here.

Read the DesNews story here.

Brokeback to the Future

Proving that context is everything, a group of students at Emerson College known as the "Chocolate Cake City" has made this spoof movie trailer of "Brokeback Mountain" and "Back to the Future."

Hil-ar-i-ous! Watch the video here.

[thanks stereogum.]