X96 Big Booty S(ho)w

Jimmy Eat World

Since when does rock and roll ever start on time? Perpetually annoyed by the lack of punctuality in concerts (see Thanksgiving Point Jamboree), I was shocked by the X96 BASH last weekend.

The show was supposed to start at 11 a.m. and feature The Starting Line, Sum 41, Cold War Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Social Distortion and The Used. Traci was working until 2, but I figured if I left right after she got home I would be able to see everything I wanted to. Wrong.

I arrived to the cavernous Salt Palace Convention Center (38 degrees and rain all day moved the festival indoors) at about 2:40 and Jimmy Eat World was already 10 minutes into their set. We had already missed all but three bands. Now that's punctual!

Their 50 minute set reverberated through the concrete hall and was mostly comprised of Bleed American material - Get it Faster, Bleed American, Authority Song, Sweetness, The Middle. They only played two tracks off of Futures - Futures, Pain - and three from Clarity - Lucky Denver Mint, Crush, Blister. They also threw in one new track. Though it definitely felt like a radio show, it was great to see them, and my comrade Tim and I happily bopped along with all of the 14-year-olds.

After their set we stopped by the VIP room where I learned we were also too late for the free pasta. I got a Sprite. Yipee.



I don't know who decided the band order, but Social Distortion played between Jimmy Eat World and headliners The Used. It was demographical night and day going from the JEW stage to Social D. Tim and I were no longer the oldest dudes in the crowd. In fact, most of the people could have been our dads. That is, if our dads still wore black t-shirts tucked into cut-off Levi shorts, complimented by sleeveless denim jackets. Lotsa hot chicks there, too. The 50-year-old lady standing in front of us was wearing a calf-length cheetah print coat with matching cheetah-print shoes.

Nothing gets a crowd going like some good old fashion onstage banter. Here's some from Social D frontman Mike Ness:

"We want to thank, uh, the radio station. (He apparently didn't think to look at the giant X96 banner behind him.) When we first started playing, radio stations didn't play punk rock. We were stuck with Fred Nugent...[applause]...Dead Zeppelin...[more applause]...and Guns 'n Roses! [wild applause]"

Yeah, radio sucked from 1970 to 1992!

Tim and I stuck around until we heard "Same Ol' Ball 'n Chain" and then figured we could go. [Note: X96 has played that song everyday for the past 15 years. Nothing makes Traci more mad.] Neither of us cared to see The Used. So that was it. We went home. I think we were there for about an hour an a half total. I was home in plenty of time not only to make it priesthood session, but to eat some dinner and take a little nap.

Though we didn't see Sum 41, I did see lead singer Derek Whibley at the autograph booth. He's probably 5'2" and 85 pounds. I kept looking around to see if wife Avril was around, but no luck.

October Consumption

Music

Iron & Wine - The Shepherd's Dog
Dashboard Confession - The Shade of the Poison Tree
Ben Harper - Lifeline
Mum - Go Go Smear the Poison Ivy
Mum - Finally We Are No One
Mark Ronson - Version
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace
Matt Pond PA - Last Light

September Consumption

Music

The National - Alligator
Get Up Kids - Guilt Show
The Chinkees - Searching for a Better Future
Mum - Summer Make Good
Hot Hot Heat - Happiness Ltd
Kanye West - Graduation
50 Cent - Curtis
Up Up Down Down Left Right BA - Worst Band Name Ever

They Made Frogs Smoke Til They Exploded

Múm - "They Made Frogs Smoke Til They Exploded" [MP3]

Here's a strange musical tip from my friend John. It's your run-of-the-mill ambient Icelandic 8-bit rock combined with some fairly disturbing imagery. It's a great pick me up when you're working at Insurance on a Thursday.

Functioning Shower?!

I tried my luck with the work showers again this morning. Hot water! Hooray! I never wanted to get back out. But it sounds like there's a chance I may actually be able to start showering at home again.

The home warranty repair man is at our house right now. He said that the water heater was not the problem, but some archaic valves in the shower. ("I thought I'd never see one of these again.") He was able to track down the part and is now making the reparation.

Could it really be? A functioning shower with water pressure and hot water for the Sutherlands? Cross your fingers.

Still Deaf

So I went to "real" doctor. He looked in my ear and said with congratulations, "That's the worst ear infection I've seen in a long time." So I guess the week of antibiotics didn't do much. Now I'm on a different prescription. I asked him when I was going to be able to hear again and he said it might be two more weeks. While I was sitting in the waiting room the nurse was standing in doorway saying something over and over. I finally looked at her at said, "Are you saying Spencer?" She was. I guess I'm deafer than I thought.

Morning Whine

I've been having a rough go of it lately. The house - the new house is a never-ending torment, the most annoying of which being the lack of water pressure in the showers. We're talking a drizzle here. Shampoo in, no problem. Shampoo rinsed back out, better stick your head in the sink.

We finally got the pressure problem fixed and thought life was great - until we turned the shower from cold to hot. Back to the drizzle. So now we're waiting to (hopefully) get the water heater replaced, which is under our home warranty.

Since it is gone from summer to winter here in the past three days, the cold shower in the morning is quite unbearable. Today I decided I would just go to work early and shower in the locker room. There's never a shortage of hot water there. Until today. I stepped in, got 30 seconds of hot water and then coldsville. Oh, the irony. I could've had a cold shower at home and avoided the awkwardness of seeing my coworkers naked.

After a week of antibiotics, I'm still deaf in my right ear. I feel like an old man because I have to ask people to talk into my good ear and lean in real close. I think eventually Traci is going to stop talking to me completely to avoid my incessant "Huh?"s. I've given in and made an appointment with my "real" (see also full price) doctor for later today. We'll see if he can fix me.

Jonny Wix & The Ear Explosions

A couple of years ago, my friend Jonny Wicks told me the following story (I'm sure the facts aren't exactly right, but here's how I remember it):

He was in a hotel with his wife in Cincinnati while they were scouting colleges. He said his ear started hurting incredibly bad and there was nothing he could do to ease the pain. Because he didn't have health insurance, he decided to just tough it out.

The only thing that made him feel better was standing in a hot shower, so he basically spent the whole night under the water. And that's when he heard the pop. He said a small piece of skin shot out of his eardrum, releasing all of the pressure in his ear as well as a steady stream of blood. He finally gave in and he and his wife headed to the emergency room.

I've had a cold for the past week. It started as a nasty sore throat, moved on to sinus congestion and, two days ago, moved into my ear. Because I didn't want to pay my doctor $75 to tell me that it would go away on its own, I tried to just ignore it.

By Monday night, it was hurting me so bad that I figured I had to go to the doctor. So around midnight, I decided to go to InstaCare. I looked up the phone number online and saw that they closed at 10 p.m. (Which I should have known, since I am the one who maintains the InstaCare info on SelectHealth's website. Duh.) So I looked for other options. I couldn't find anything that was still open. Traci recommended going to the nighttime place she had taken Paige last year, but couldn't remember the name. So at 12:45 a.m. I got in my car and drove to Murray - only to find that the place had closed. I came back home, couldn't sleep, and watched Prison Break and The Royal Tenenbaums. I fell asleep around 4 a.m.

I went to the doctor in the next morning - the ExpressCare in the Smiths. The pregnant, Asian nurse didn't speak great English, but she was very nice. The examination went along just fine, until she looked in my ear. "This is very, very bad. Your eardrum not supposed to look like that. Almost ruptured." She told me the thing was going to explode at any moment. She warned me not to blow my nose and certainly not to take a shower. Thoughts of Wicks went reeling through my mind.

So I've been taking my antibiotics and I still feel like crap. Two of my three sisters have told me their horror stories of the earache that would never go away, but I am crossing my fingers that I feel better by tomorrow - and that my ear doesn't blow up.

Honey Baby

Today Paige started called me "honey." Now if she's looking for me I'll hear "Daddy? Honey?"

Jamboree Music Festival

Traci and I spent 8 1/2 hours watching 4 hours of music at the Jamboree Music Festival at Thanksgiving Point on Saturday. Some thoughts:

The Aquabats

Lap steel guitar is the new Moog, which was the new horn section, which was the new - I don't know - three-headed guitar monster. By the time we had sat through three alt-country bands (Piebald, Limbeck, Cub Country), I couldn't believe how excited I was to see the Aquabats take the stage.

I know I just dissed them, but they really put on a good show. I solved the mystery of what they do with the old songs now that they've dropped the horn section from the payroll. For the most part, they just power through the ska songs, just using the keyboard. But on a few songs, such as Super Rad, the keyboard player just busted out his sax-a-ma-phone and handled the brass parts himself. Pretty impressive.

The So-Cal superheroes were up to their usual antics. They led the crowd an oath, declaring this the best day ever and renaming Thanksgiving Point "High Five City." This resulted in two pilgram-costumed men (the founders of Thanksgiving point, of course) coming on stage to challenge the name change. After an exciting battle, the Aquabats were victorious.

The Aquabats were also the only band of the day to get the entire crowd on its feet. No one wants to miss two six-year-old crowd members have a crowd-surfing race will sitting on blow-up swimming pool dragons.

The music wasn't half-bad either. I am really starting to dig on their latest album - the Aquabats vs. punk rock, plus Reel Big Fish-style vocal harmonies - "Charge!" More than anything, it was nice to hear something upbeat after all of the sullen acts that proceeded it.

The Format

The chance to see The Format was the motivating factor for getting the Jamboree tickets. This was the first time either of us had seen them and I wasn't really sure what to expect. Their album Dog Problems has been on constant rotation in my car for about a year. I was skeptical that they would be able to recreate the very orchestral sound of the record live, but was pleasantly surprised. The two man studio band becomes a six piece live band, with - at any given point - three keyboards, three guitars, a saxophone and a fugelhorn. The poor Thanksgiving Point soundguy couldn't keep up with all of that, but I could imagine how all those things were supposed to sound.

The Jamboree was The Format's last performance of a monster 55-date tour. After a year-and-a-half of nonstop touring, they were heading home to Arizona to write a new record. The band looked pretty road ragged, but sounded tight. I was surprised by the even distribution of songs of both of their two albums. I doubt all of the teens and pre-teens screaming for them had heard much of the material from Interventions and Lullabies, but what do I know? I didn't realize every little girl in Utah County loves The Format.

The forty-minute set was 20 minutes too short. I would have liked to hear Dog Problems in its entirety, or at least been able to choose which songs they played off of it. (We didn't get "Time Bomb" or "Inches and Falling.")

Toad the Wet Sprocket

Basically sucked. Fear is a great record. I had my mind made up that they were going to show up and say, "We're just going to Fear straight through." Not so. There was one of Glen Philips' solo songs. A couple of songs sung by the guitar player (Does he sing?) and a bunch of songs I didn't recognize. Not wanting to feel out of place with all the lap steel, I guess, they invited a friend up to play slide guitar for a few of their songs.

Philips seemed to be resentful toward the teenage crowd. ("This next song is dedicated to your parents, since most of you were probably in the womb when it was popular.") As far as can remember, Toad broke up because they hated each other. Now that they're back together for financial reasons, and it still seems like they don't really like sharing a stage. It felt like a band who was refusing to just play the nostalgic hits, but who didn't have enough chemistry to move forward with compelling new material.

We were thoroughly unimpressed.

Dashboard Confessional

After sitting in the same location for nine hours, the 45 minute wait between Toad and Dashboard was unbearable. Not because of anticipation, but because of frustration. Even though we spent a day away from our child, the parenting responsibilities couldn't be pushed aside. Dashboard didn't go on until almost 10:30 (the show was supposed to end at 10:45). We were only able to see three songs, before it was time to make it home in time to apologize for far overstaying our babysitting welcome. Those three songs, however, were filled with plenty of crowd singer/swooning. Part of the long set up time included the roadies putting up big wooden boxes on either side of the mic stand so Chris Carabba could stand high above the crowd and mouth the words while the adoring girls screeched them back at him.

In the End

The show itself was underwhelming, but it was a beautiful day to sit in the sun and listen to music. More than anything, it was a chance to spend 10 hours of alone time (alone meaning hanging out with 3,000 people and not with our kid) with Traci.

Matthew Myrup Loses Kid

Spartan alum Matthew Myrup lost his kid in the Uintahs. But he got him back, so that's a good thing.

Here's the story.

Hu-loh

I think kids (or at least little girls) are born knowing how to talk on a phone. We gave Paige a little red old school telephone rattle when she was really little and even though we have never had a phone that looks that, she somehow knew that she should hold it up to her ear.

Now whenever she gets her hands on a phone (or anything that looks like a phone), she'll put it to the side of her head and say, "Hu-loh." Then she'll babble some stuff and say "Bye," and put the phone down on her leg.

I've noticed lately Paige doesn't even have to have a phone to talk on one. If I just hold my hand up to my ear say "Hu-loh," she will immediately do the same.

Yesterday I was giving her a bath and she really cracked me up. She found the little plastic cover to one of Traci's razors and put it up to ear, "Hu-loh." It made me think of that part in Zoolander when Derek gets the call on his tiny cell phone and answers, "God?"

I unsucessfuly tried to find the clip on YouTube. Fortunately, I did find Traci's favorite part, the gas fight.

Johnny Acousticlips

The Johnny Tightlips debut CD, that I have been procrastinating about for the past year plus, is now on hold until I get enough of the new house unpacked that I can start recording again. In the meantime, Aaron and I recorded acoustic versions of a few of our songs. We sat in my concrete, unfinished - and thus acoustically outstanding, basement and recorded mic-less into an MP3 recorder. You can find "Airport Song" and "Heart on Fire" over at the JTL website.

New Music

New songs and artists are now up on the Manifesto Radio (on the right hand side of the screen). More thoughts to follow...

The Return of the Aquabats

At this very moment, I have not one, not two, but four Aquabats CDs in my car...and I don't even like the Aquabats! Traci and I are going to the Jamboree Music Festival this weekend because we we want to see (in this order) The Format, Toad the Wet Sprocket and Dashboard Confessional. Despite the fact that they don't fit in at all musically, the Aquabats are also on the bill. That's what happens at Utah County shows - there's always room for the Aquabats.

I haven't listened to the Aquabats since 1997, but I figured I'd give 'em another spin to see if maybe they sounded better to me now. So I went to the library and checked out all four of their albums. Within about 15 seconds I was thrust back to high school, crammed into Colin Lewis' mom's minivan (Colin was wearing his Bat Cadet costume) going to see the Aquabats. By 20 seconds in, I realized that I didn't like the Aquabats then and I still don't like them now.

I loved third wave ska. I still think that Catch 22's Keasbey Nights is one of the best albums of all time and periodically I have to listen to The Hippos. However, the whole genre was tainted by two problems: childish lyrics and horrible vocalists. I can handle stupid lyrics, no biggie. But bad lyrics combined with bad singers is too much. I guess if I had ever been really into comic books or dungeons and dragons it would be more fun for me. I've never liked They Might Be Giants or Devo and I don't like the Aquabats.

I am curious as to why on their latest record, the Aquabats have ditched their horn section. It made sense that in 1999, as third wave was ebbing, they moved away from straight ska to Oingo Boingo-style rock. But it's strange that now that they have found a new generation of high school ska fans, they would shift to a leaner sound. Maybe it costs too much to tour with such a large troupe.

So in just a few days, I will close my eyes, skank to the Aquabats, and pretend I'm in high school again.

A Mormon President? (But Trix Are For Kids)

I am still undecided about Mitt Romney. I may or may not vote for him, but that decision will likely not be based on his Mormonoscity.

Anyhoo, the Deseret News posted a link today to an article called "A Mormon president? The LDS difference" published in The Christian Century. It does a good job of giving an overview on the faith. It's super long, but worth checking out.

August Consumption

Music

Aly & AJ - Insomniatic
Tiger Army - Music from the Regions Beyond
The Kooks - Inside In/Inside Out
Mae - Singularity

Books

After Dark by Haruki Marukami

Pebbles in My Pocket

You would think that a company who's business is based on helping people capture their memories with decorative die cuts, cute stamps and floral print paper would be embarrassed that their sign on Redwood Road says "Crapbooking," but it has been like that for weeks and I don't think they are going to be fixing it anytime soon.

I Dare You to Eat That

At lunch at the La Frontera with my coworkers...

Kaleb finds a gumball-sized piece of pork in his enchilada that is about 2 percent meat and 98 percent fat. Rather than be grossed out (La Frontera's questionable cleanliness is part of its charm), he says, "I'll pay someone 5 bucks to eat this."

Brian shakes his head, as do both Helen and I. Noah, however, answers in the affirmative. He takes the fat chunk and swallows it down. It seemed pretty anticlimactic.

"Was that worth 5 bucks?" I ask Kaleb. He shrugs his shoulders.

A few minutes later Noah makes a bad face and says, "It tastes like it's still in my throat."

"Now it's worth it," Kaleb adds with a satisfied smile. He then looks at Noah and says, "I don't have the 5 dollars right now, but I'm good for it."

I work in health insurance. This is about as exciting as it gets.

Paige Updates

Paige learned how to do a somersault tonight. She was very pleased with herself. Then she was doing one of her old tricks - walking around with her eyes clothes - and she ran into the couch and started crying.

Here's some more Paige-related news:

• Her favorite shape is oval (pronounced "o-full.")
• She's learned the following new words: today, house, clock, girl, boy, house, star, sun and fish (fish is pronounced sa-u-sh. Not exactly "fish," but we understand her)
• She now goes to sleep sitting on the bumper pads of her crib. After a few minutes her head is resting on her knees. I sneak back into her room and tip her over onto her stomach.

Work Rock Star Tour '07: Day One

Yeah, I'm on huge rock star tour, visiting with insurance brokers. The tour includes both St. George and Cedar City, Utah. Pretty huge, I know. When we pulled into our deluxe accommodations (Best Western) last night, I had the following encounter in the parking lot:

Just before getting back in the car to head to the other side of the building after checking in, a lady in the minivan parked next to us rolls down her window. "Hey," she says. "Don't forget the 8 o'clock meeting."

Huh? I figured she must have thought I was in her group or something. Before I could even give a response she holds up two energy drinks.

"Have you ever tried such-and-such drink? It's got a bunch of vitamins and blah, blah, blah."

"Um, no."

"Well, you should try it. It's the best. We're having a meeting about it eight. You and your friend should come."

"Well, we're..."

"Where are you from?"

"Salt Lake?"

"Oh, really? I'm from West Jordan!" (As if she were wandering around China and she happened to run into someone from her hometown.) "What high school did you go to?"

"Murray."

"Oh? How many people were in your graduating class?"

"My graduating class? I don't know. Like 1500." (I think in reality there were probably 300-400. I have never had anyone ask me how many people were in my graduating class. What a strange question.)

At this point my coworker and tour mate Tim said from the driver's seat, "We've gotta go."

"Sorry, we've gotta go," I said to multi-level marketing lady.

"Well, give me your number and we'll get together later."

"No, I'm pretty sure we're not interested."

And so Work Rock Star Tour '07 began...

New Ward: Week Four

Nursery went decidedly better today. Paige still refused to interact with any of the other kids, but at least she wasn't mean to anybody. Well, she did use another little girl as a stool at one point. The girl was playing on the floor by the table and Paige kind of stepped on her back so she could reach a toy on the other side of the table. But other than that she was pretty good.

Traci and I went to our old ward for sacrament meeting for a farewell of one of my young men. There's nothing like the contrast of sitting in a ward where you don't know anybody, followed directly by going to your old ward. It was nice to see everybody, but Traci said it just made her sad.

We haven't really met anyone in new ward, yet. That should change soon, however. The elder's quorum president gave me my hometeaching list today and said, "So-and-so is your companion. He doesn't really come to church." Can't wait.

New Ward: Week Two

Our second week at the new ward brought my turn to go to nursery with Paige. I was curious to see to what degree Traci had exaggerated in saying that "everyone in the ward hated us" because Paige was so bad.

Paige and I were some of the first to arrive in nursery. I greeted the old lady nursery leader and she said hi to Paige.

"Well, we're hoping things going a little bit better this week," I said. "Paige, she kind of hates nursery," I smiled.

"Yes," she replied, very matter-of-factedly, "she does hate nursery." Uh oh. Maybe the people in nursery really don't like Paige.

The first half hour went pretty well (that's the part where you just play with toys). Paige was good unless any other kids even thought about getting up in her business - i.e. either trying to play with her, or with her toys.

By the time singing time came around, she was very upset. She was happy during the songs, but had to be crying and trying to escape in between each of them. I was trying to keep my cool with her, though it was 8,000 degrees in the room. I kept chasing after her and trying to bring her back to the singing circle, all while trying to make sure to not cause anyone to hate us.

I thought I was doing a good job until right in the middle of singing time, as Paige was singing and dancing away, her diaper fell off. Fell off right onto the ground. Though she didn't mind at all, I was quite embarrassed. I was already sweating profusely and had to find a way to calmly collect Paige and the detached diaper without making much of scene. I think the leaders saw it, but didn't even crack a smile. Maybe they do hate us.

I got Paige re-diapered and then we just hung out until lesson time was over. We went back in for snack time (goldfish crackers, my favorite). She happily ate away and then took two sips of her water and then dumped the rest on her dress and on my lap. Church is hard.

New Ward: Week One

Moving into a new ward is a pretty big deal for us Mormon folk. Here's the first in an installment of posts on our transition.

Week One

We celebrated the first Sunday after moving into our house by skipping church. My plan to become inactive didn't last long. The next week we made our first appearance at the new ward.

Knowing that there was no way that Paige was going to make it through nursery on her own, Traci volunteered to go with her. That meant I had to be a grown up and go to elders quorum.

Opening exercises was fine. The only person I know in the ward is the bishopric member that lives across the street from us. He saw me and quickly made his way over to shake my hand. “Hello Traci, it’s great to see you.” Well, at least he remembered one of our names, kind of.

Elders quorum was exactly as I thought it would be. Someone made a reference to the Three Nephites within the first two minutes and there was a lot of the teacher asking us to share experiences, followed by long stretches of silence.

I met up with Traci and Paige in the chapel before sacrament meeting. “Was she good?” I asked. From the look on Traci’s face I already knew the answer. “Everyone in the ward already hates us.” Hmm. That must have been one bad day in nursery if everyone in the whole ward already hates us.

Apparently, Paige was quite a handful. Despite Traci being there, she cried the whole time. She kept pushing the little boy who wanted so desperately to be her friend and she (accidently?) kicked another little girl in the head.

The nursery leader is a mid-70s-ish old authoritarian lady. Crying is basically not allowed in her dojo - er - nursery. Traci said that several times she said, “Who’s crying now? Oh, it’s just Paige again.”

"Paige, were you a monster in nursery?" I asked. Her evil grin said it all.

Looks like we’re getting off to a great start in the new ward.

July Consumption

Music

MXPX - Secret Weapon
Bloc Party - Weekend in the City B Sides
Bishop Allen - Broken String
The Beastie Boys - The Mix Up
Yellowcard - Paper Walls
Strung Out - Blackhawks Over Los Angeles
Fischerspooner - Odyssey

Fun in St. George

I always like to take bad weather with me on vacation. Traci and I are in St. George right now and getting here was quite a white knuckle experience. Between Filmore and Beaver we hit a monsoon. The rains were so heavy that we literally could not see the car in front of us. Along with a half dozen-or so cars we had to pull over on two different occasions to wait for things to clear up. They didn't. Figuring things were going to get worse before they got better, we continued on at about 25 mph. Though it was frustrating, I am glad that we chose the slow approach. For the next few miles we saw cars that had rolled over or wrecked. Blessing of all blessings, Paige was a complete angel through the whole experience, eating a sucker and singing along to her Wiggles CD.

Man Stuff

We are finding that there are many, many projects that need to be done around our new house. The biggest of which has been our quest to remove the very distinct smell left by the previous owners. So far we have been unsuccessful.

As I am not naturally handy, I am finding that owning, and more specifically maintaining, a house can be very difficult. I take pride in the fact that in spite of my unmanliness I have now done the following (and this is a big deal to me):

• Hung blinds
• Painted several rooms
• Replaced locks and deadbolts
• Replaced a sprinkler (that I ran over the first time I mowed the lawn)

I'm probably going to apply for a job working on the crew of Extreme Home Makeover or Home Makeover Extreme or whatever it's called. The show with the loud guy who does Sears commercials.

Moe's Family Feed Bag

And here's the time I went to Moe's:

Me...Simpsonsized

Here's me walking through Springfield...

The World's Greatest Compliment

Do you know when you have become a truly influential writer? When some BYU fan links to your article about the 2007 Economic Outlook on a BYU sports message board. Random.

Thanks, Mike Neider, for the headsup. I myself am not a regular visitor to said message board.

The Ultimate Fighter

On the way home from work the other day, I realized I now live very close to an Ultimate Combat Training Center. Plus I live really close to Americans. What more could I ask for?

The Dissent Begins...

A few months ago, Paige learned how to respond to questions. Any time anyone asked her anything (or if a question was asked in her vicinity) she would turn and say, "Yip." Though it wasn't always helpful that she only answered in the affirmative, at least it was positive.

Earlier this week she learned "no." "Yip" is no longer in her vocabulary and all responses are now "no." But it's not the monosyllabic "no" - it's more dramatic, like "n'yo." She says no to everything, whether she actually means it or not. But she has learned that it can express a lack of desire or unhappiness. Like when a kid takes her toy away in nursery. "N'yo!" Or when I ask her to not push the chair up to the table and then climb on the table. "N'yo!"

Zeitgeist

I shouldn't have let myself get sucked in. I just couldn't help. I had planned to simply avoid the Smashing Pumpkins "reunion" (it's hard to be a reunion when it's just Billy and drummer Jimmy Chamberlain), but Tarantula was just too awesome of a first single. I got so excited that I actually started thinking that if anyone could recreate the feel of a bygone era it would be Billy Corgan. I was wrong.

At its best, Smashing Pumpkins were blend metal brutality with soft beauty and atmospheric layers of sound. At its worst, the songs were bloated, overbearing and self-important. On Zeitgeist, the metal remains but all thoughts of melody or hooks have vanished.

What's most disappointing is that Billy Corgan, who fashions himself both a grand orchestrator and a perfectionist, has made an album that lacks any sort of direction. The production sucks. Songs sound muddy and out of balance. A good producer would have told Billy that he had missed the mark (about half the songs are Billy produced).

Tarantula is the only hit on the album. About half of the songs are listenable, but only (Come On) Let's Go really invites a repeat listen. That's the Way (My Love Is) is the one nod toward the softer sound, but sounds more like a track from Corgan's solo album than Pumpkins. With the possibile addition of Doomsday Clock, these are the only three tracks that have a chance of making it to my iPod.

Though the new record may have got me down, I won't forget the good times - as seen in the following clip:


Though I'm a little sad, I'm not as sad as this guy. He does make some good points.

Songs About Girls Mostly

My introduction into punk rock went thusly. Flashback to 1994. My sister Sarah took my friend Brock and I to Provo to see Stretsch Armstronng, the Aquabats, Skankin' Pickle , Dancehall Crashers and Let's Go Bowling. It was cooler than anything I had ever experienced up to that point. (Way cooler than Nine Inch Nails at the Delta Center, that's for sure.)

I was playing in a Nirvana cover band with Chris Wilson at the time - which later became the grunge-inspired Twelfth of Never - but that brief encounter with ska was one of two big turning points for the band and for my musical world.

The next was when we really discovered punk. Though Chris and I listened to punk-ish stuff like The Offspring and Green Day, we'd never really heard the real stuff. That changed the day we got invited to play at local show at a pavilion in Draper Park in the summer of 1997. After Chris and I chugged through our Local H-style two man-band-set we saw something that totally blew us away. Local bands - kids just like us - playing ska and punk. With horns and everything. They sounded lousy, but they were doing it. And then we saw Homesick.

Homesick looked and sounded like early Green Day. Snarly, poppy punk played really fast. It changed everything for us. We went back home and started playing all of songs in double time.

Even cooler than Homesick's music was that they had actually gone on tour. They had booked all the shows themselves and played such exotic locales as Reno and Evanston. These guys were freakin' rock stars! (Looking back, I bet they were only 18 or 19.) They were everything we wanted to be.

Needless to say, my copy of their 8 song cassette EP was one of my prized possessions. And now the point of this post. (Finally, I know.)

Somewhere around 1999 I lost the tape . I think I left it in my dad's truck or something. Every time I pack up my stuff and see all of my old cassettes, I see that empty Homesick case and feel really sad. Oh, but all was not lost.

A few months ago, I happened to be reading SLUG magazine. As part of its 18 year anniversary celebration, the magazine invited a bunch of local bands from years past to play a reunion show at the Urban Lounge. On the list was a band called The Corleones, featuring guitarist Paul Burke, formerly of Homesick. I had never heard The Corleones but considered going to the show just in case Paul happened to have some old Homesick tapes in his car. Realizing this was stupid, I stayed home.

I picked up the magazine a few months later and decided not to give up on the matter. The article said that Paul was living in Portland. I emailed the girl who wrote the article to see if she had an address for him. Surprisingly, she emailed me right back with a phone number. It took me a few days to get the courage, but I called him on the phone. I think the conversation went like this:

PAUL: Hello?
SPENCER: Uh, hi. My name is Spencer. I'm calling from Salt Lake. Did you used to play in Homesick?
PAUL: Yeah.
SPENCER: I know this sounds weird, but I like loved your band and I left the tape in my dad's truck and I really wanted to get it but I doubted you'd have one at Urban Lounge and do you haveonenowcuzI'dgiveyoumoneyandstuffandstuff.

I was sure this was the point where he'd hang up, but he was really cool and even seemed flattered. He said that the tapes were all long gone, except for his own copy, but he'd been looking for an excuse to get around to digitizing them. He said he would put something together and mail me out a CD. A few days later he sent me an email, gushing about his feelings toward the band and that time period. Very cool.

A month or so went by and no CD. I figured I wasn't really going to get it, but I was grateful for the interaction nevertheless. After about 6 weeks, Paul sent me another email saying that the CD really was forthcoming. Then more waiting. Last week I finally got a package from Portland. It was worth the wait.

He sent me both their EP as well as their full-length, Songs About Girls Mostly. The songs, which I think were all recorded in a basement, are not quite as revolutionary as I remembered, but are just as awesome. Even more awesome is Paul for going to the trouble.

So, kids, follow your dreams. Get people's phone numbers and call and ask them for ridiculous favorites. You too could be working in health insurance, sitting in your cubicle, listening to Homesick quietly.

Homesick - Grandma and death 'n stuff [MP3]

Danger! Danger! "Emos" Alert

I've been meaning to post this for a long time, but just barely got around to it. Our friends in the local Utah media recently unveiled the secret society of "emos." So parents, you best go throw away all of your kids My Chemical Romance CDs (and even their Death Cab albums) because unlike no music ever made in the history of the world, they make reference to death. Holy crap! The media is really going to crazy when they find out that kids also listen to rap music.

http://www.abc4.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoId=65333

While you watch this, keep in mind that Reed Cowen applied for my job at the Community College when I left.

Moving, part I

After zillions of hours and packing and then just a couple of hours of moving, Traci, Paige and I now live in a new house.

I have been paranoid for weeks about the big move. I helped a lot of people move when I was in the Elders Quorum and it was basically always miserable. We'd usually show up and the people's stuff would still be lying on the floor, unboxed. One lady didn't even have boxes. She thought she'd just put everything in her car. We got her some and by the time we had finished the move, her whole apartment was filled from floor to ceiling with boxes.

Not wanting to be an awful movee, I had grand ambitions of not only having ever single item boxed, but having the boxes moved as well. We did pretty good on moving all of the boxes out - I took a truckload every time I went to the new house - but at midnight the night before moving day, there was still stuff lying around the house everywhere. Luckily, it all worked out okay. We had tons of help from family and the ward and it ended up only taking a few hours.

I rented the giganticest U-haul in the world. The biggest size (26') was only $39 so I figured I just go for it. When they pulled it around for me, and it was the size of my entire house, I got a little nervous about driving it. I also regretted not having paid for the insurance. As I drove the two blocks to my house very, very slowly, I thought that this was probably another one of those rites of passage to manhood. (I don't think I got full credit toward since my dad drove the U-haul from the old house to the new house.)

U-haul is a racket, I tell ya. They charge $39 for the truck, plus $.79 per mile, and then you still have to fill it up with gas. To make sure you have to put as much gas in as possible, they give it to you at half full and then make you bring it back half full. That way, you have to guess if you are putting in the right amount of gas, you can't just know it's full when it stops pumping. This worked to our advantage because the last person had filled it up to 5/8ths. We only drove 12 miles round trip so that extra 1/8th was all we needed. (We drove home with the air conditioning turned off to be extra careful.) I couldn't image trying to pull that monster into a gas station just to put a gallon of gas in it. If you don't fill it up to halfway they charge you $40 up front and then still charge you for the gas they put in. And the ripoff continues. They charge $25 if you forget to fold up your moving blankets.

The truck was so big that we probably had five extra feet in the back. I guess we need more stuff.

June Consumption

Music

Bad Religion - New Maps of Hell
Tiger Army - Music from Regions Beyone
The Almost - Southern Weather
Tim Armstrong - A Poet's Life
Justice - Cross
Tiesto - Elements of Life
The Forces of Evil - Friend or FOE?

Books

The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum

D.I. Alert

In packing up for the big move, I am going through all of my old stuff. Just a heads up, I am giving both my Gerardo and my Robin Hood Prince of Thieves cassette tapes to the Deseret Industries. I am, however, keeping my copy of P.M. Dawn The Bliss Album and Mack Daddy by Sir Mix-a-lot.

Tag Team Back Again

Traci's new favorite radio station is Movin' 100.7, which specializes in hits by such bands as C&C Music Factory, Madonna, Janet Jackson and Sir Mix-a-Lot. You would think that if I am fine with her listening to it, that she would be fine with me rolling down the windows, pumping up the volume and singing along with "Whoomp, There It Is" as our little family drives home from the Old Navy on a Saturday night. She wasn't fine with it. She wasn't fine with it all. How is she going to react the next time we hear "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Woof. Woof.

I dance, I dance, I dance around the Mexican hat

Traci and I celebrated our five year anniversary this week. Looking back, I didn’t think that much had really changed. Then yesterday, as we were packing up for our big move, I discovered a memory from 2002.

When Traci and I were setting up our wedding registry I didn’t really have a strong opinion about much at all. I didn’t care what type of silverware we bought or what color our plates were. There was only one thing I wanted – a nacho hat.

Target sold a plastic nacho plate that looked like a sombrero. The brim of the hat is for the chips and the top of the hat has a secret compartment the salsa that can only be opened by pushing a button that plays the Mexican Hat Dance. I told everyone how much I wanted one and I think we ended up getting three of them.

As I looked at nacho hat yesterday, though I did smile, I thought ‘I would never buy a nacho hat now.’ How’s that for maturity? I am sure that I have a similar reaction when I start packing up the basement and I find our tiki hut cookie jar that plays the theme song to Gilligan’s Island.

I am not sure that I am ready to part with either of these items. I let Paige play with the nacho hat yesterday and I now I have heard the Mexican Hat Dance 50,000 times, so maybe I will get rid of it.

Sutherlands Go to Sweden

Well, we got as close as we could get to Sweden without actually leaving the Salt Lake Valley. Utah recently got its first Ikea. It was the top news story for like two weeks straight. (I heart local news. It's the best!)

We figured we best go see what the fuss was all about. Traci had never been to an Ikea; my only visit was the time a crazy inactive Dutch church member invited my companion Wix and I to ride our bikes 25 kilometers to the next city over so we could eat the meatballs at the deli located on the top floor. We were so excited to see our first freestanding soda fountain in Holland that we spent the whole night getting free refills. (We came to find out later that refills weren't free. Whoops. Silly Americans.) I digress.

Even several weeks after the grand opening, the store is still amazingly busy. Here's what I noticed:

• You can only walk in one direction and because you are walking in a wave of people, it feels like you are on a walk-a-lator and you should just wave at the furniture as you pass by
• No matter where you are in the store, you're still 20 minutes away from the check out register
  
• The majority of the living room furniture looks like stuff that the Deseret Industries didn't want
• A store is too big when you are given a map and pencil
• The furniture was cheap-ish, but not cheap enough to justify its crappiness
• It looked as though several families from Utah Valley had come up to the Ikea as part of a Family Home Evening activitiy
• It had really sweet European shopping carts - meaning all four wheels turn (not just the back two like here in American). That meant I could spin Paige around in circles, which she absolutely loved
  

What's Up, Inspector?

In the continuous line of things to do in order to buy a house, we met with a home inspector last night. I knew immediately that we had chosen a professional when I pulled up to the house and saw a car parked out friend with a license plate that said "INSPCTR."

Justin Timberlake and Good Charlotte

Man, I bet Chris Wilson is so sad that he's not in Good Charlotte anymore. His former band is going to be the opening act for Justin Timberlake's summer tour. That's so punk rock!

From Rolling Stone:

Good Charlotte will spend the summer touring our nation’s finest arenas with Justin Timberlake. The pop punkers will open up for Timberlake beginning Monday, August 6 in Memphis, and concluding with two dates at the Staples Center in L.A. on September 16 and 17. Other noteworthy dates include a two-night stop at New York’s Madison Square Garden August 15 and 16.

Sadly, there is not a stop in Salt Lake City.

Good News for Troops

Hey Utah troops in Iraq, has the endless war got you down? Well, not for long. You will be ecstatic to know that you will be soon be visited by two of your biggest local celebrities.

From today's Salt Lake Tribune:

Two Utah basketball stars are in Iraq. Former BYU and NBA player Shawn Bradley and Utah Jazz great Thurl Bailey are visiting Utah troops. Before they left the two visited Camp Williams and received giant uniforms. The 7-foot-6 Bradley and 6-foot-11 Bailey needed special fatigues.

If this visit doesn't boost your spirits, nothing will. I'm surprised that Thurl didn't tailor his own fatigues.

Kanye Channels Daft Punk?

Roger Meyers Jr. once said, “You take away our right to steal ideas, where are they going to come from?” That's pretty much how I feel about most hip hop. One of my favorite musical plagiarists is Chicago's own Kanye West.

Kanye has crossed over into sacred ground, sampling one of the best songs of all time, Daft Punk's "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger." I feel slightly violated just listening to it. Kanye's version is adequate, but mostly just makes me want to listen to Daft Punk.

Take a listen here [via Cause=Time]: Kanye West - Stronger
--
Other favorite Roger Meyers Junior Quote: "You kids don't know what you want. That's why you're kids, because you're stupid!"

Matt & Kim (Again)

I went to the Matt & Kim show tonight at Kilby Court. Looking back on my life, I think the Matt & Kim show that I went six months ago was the last show I've even been to.

They rocked just as thoroughly as last time. There were more people there and they played a lot longer. (Last time they only played for about 15 minutes, this time it was 30+. Almost epic by comparison, really.)

Highlights:

--They were wearing the exact same clothes that they were six months ago
--They played a rock-i-fied version of my fav M&K song "Light Speed"
--Because there were more people, it wasn't as obvious that I was the only one over age 17

Before the show I told Matt and Kim how much Paige loves to dance to their music (giving away that I was older than 17). They seemed to think that was radicool. I told them I would send them a video of her sweet dance moves.

Scared, well, you know...

Paige loves pushing buttons. The VCR, the remote, cell phones - no piece of electronics is left untouched if she has anything to say about it. Last weekend we were at Traci's parents and Paige was busy pushing every button and turning every knob on the stereo. After about five minutes of playing with it, she finally found the on/off button. Because she had been playing with the volume knob, when she finally turned the thing on it was really LOUD. The music blasted and she jumped back with a look of absolute terror on her face. And then came a very bad smell...

Extra! Extra!

What's great about the Simpsons is that it creates such crazy fanaticism. Yesterday I needed to see my favorite Simpsons headline "Local Man Loses Life, Pants." Of course I was able to find a site that shows all of the different newspaper headlines that have appeared on the show. Here are some of my favorites:









For more, check click here.

Atak Of Da Bal-Hedz

I have been mostly uninterested by the thought of a new Smashing Pumpkins album. Because I really like both D'Arcy and James, I don't like the idea of reuniting a four-piece band with just two of the pieces. But hey, as far as recording goes, it was always Billy's thing anyway.

I finally heard the new single, Tarantula, over the weekend. I was very pleasantly surprised. There is a myriad of directions Billy could have gone with the new material - faux new wave like his solo record (which completely sucked), soft and pretty (which worked okay with Zwan), or deep and sludgy (like SP's last record, Machina).

What we get with this new single is the metal of Zero mixed with the swing and fretwork of Van Halen record. Totally rockin. Totally the right move. I am now officially curious to hear the rest of the record.

As for going to see the band in concert, still not interested. I can't really think of anyone to replace D'Arcy and James. Melissa Auf der Maur, maybe. But for James? Buckethead?! What's he doing since he quit Guns 'n Roses?

Tarantula [Mp3]

Traci Turns 15

Traci and I recently went shopping and she bought a new shirt. A few days later she wore said shirt. When I went to a Young Men/Young Women activity that night, I noticed that one of the young women wearing the exact same shirt and capris. I thought it was funny. I took a picture with my phone. I don't know if Traci thought it was funny.

A week or so later we went to Traci's parent's for dinner. Her 13-year-old sister Makell answered the door and said, "My friend Whitney has that same shirt." Traci promptly gave the shirt to Makell.

[I expect Traci to be posting comments on this immediately.]

Lots of Americans

We've been looking at house owned by a Vietnamese family. When we asked about the neighborhood, the owner woman said excitedly, "there are a lot of Americans. Americans, next door, Americans across the street." It sounds like we'll fit right in.

Wax On?

I am giving up on creativity. I had to teach a church lesson on obedience last week. While I was preparing, I tried to come up with an interesting way to present the topic, so the kids wouldn't fall asleep. I could think of anything when zapppp! inspiration struck. I would show a clip from the Karate Kid.

After fastforwarding through all the swears (that Danielsan sure was an angry kid), I showed the clip of Daniel waxing the car, sanding the floor, painting the face, and painting the house while Mr. Myagi threw punches and kicks at him.

Now, if you were a 16-year-old boy, wouldn't you love to watch the Karate Kid at church? Of course. Not these kids. None of them had even seen the movie. Who hasn't seen the Karate Kid? This is what's wrong with America.

Apostle Night at Pioneer Memorial Theatre

Traci went to Les Miserables last night at the U. Apparently it was the place to be for super religious folk like us.

We were standing in the lobby before the play when we saw Elder Nelson walk by with his wife. Huh, we said. Well, even apostles gotsta go to plays sometimes. Then we noticed that Elder Oaks was standing on the other side of the lobby. And then, as were going to our seats, Elder Ballard walked by.

During the play, I kept wondering what they were thinking about all of the phallus jokes.

Paige vs. Dashboard Confessional

Somehow I feel that this picture would be the cover if Paige were to release a baby emo album.

New Bad Religion

I have been debating ending my 10-year relationship with Bad Religion (based on philosophical and musical reasons) for some time now. But I will be postponing any rash decisions until the new record comes out in July. Here's the first single from New Maps from Hell. It sounds like Bad Religion playing a Weezer song. I haven't decided if I like it or not.

Honest Goodbye [link]

It's Electrifying?!

I can't help it. I have come down with some serious Jazz fever. But I'll tell you what, I don't know who's working in the Jazz's marketing department. The team makes it to the playoffs for the first time since 2003 and the best tagline they can come up with is "It's Electrifying" set to the "Electric Slide?" (The song says "It's electric," not "It's electrifying." Duh.) And the best commercial idea is to have man-dwarf Larry Miller humming along to the song...wearing headphones...and dancing? While the Cavs have the Nike-backed "Witness" t-shirts and the Warriors have the "Believe" shirts, we're stuck with paper "It's Electrifying" inserts in the Desert Morning News.

I don't know why this comes as surprise, especially since the Jazz's marketing campaign at the start of the season was "We're Making it Better." Or in other words, "Hey, we really sucked last year, but the odds are good that we won't suck quite as bad this year."

In the end, it doesn't really matter, as long as Memo keeps wanting to fight everybody. Believe me, you don't want to make a Turk angry.

Three Hour Block

Going to church with an 18-month-old is a struggle at best. Though the three hours couldn't be longer for Traci and I, for Paige, the church building is like Jungle Jim's. She loves running up and down the hallways, through the gym, up the stairs to the stage, and pounding on the many pianos.

Her latest discovery has been the water fountains. Two weeks ago she realized that if she smacked it, water would come out. Last week she would smack the button and then quickly try to touch the water as it shot out, but wasn't fast enough to make it work. Fortunately, she found an accomplice. Another little boy about her age came over and held down the button so she could splash her hands in the water. In return, she held out her wet hands and he licked her fingers.

Today she was being very courteous and holding down the button for anyone who came to get a drink. However, she decided how much water they needed. In her most creative move, she learned that she could give her hands a break by pushing the button with her forehead. I am afraid we have a genius on our hands.

Dance, Dance

If there's one thing that Paige likes to do, it's dance. After watching Traci's little sister Makell play Dance Dance Revolution, Paige quickly got her boogie on as well. Sweet moves, Napoleon.

Go Betty Go

I haven't had much time to blog lately, hence this incredibly backdated post. We played a show with touring girl punks GoBettyGo a few weeks ago. It was nice to play a show with some punk bands for a change and Solid Ground Cafe was nice as well.

The highlight of the evening was seeing how four girls from L.A. handle living in a van. The first thing I noticed was that hanging on the back door of their equipment trailer was a linen shoe rack. (Even girl punks need to have shoe choices on the road, apparently.) They were also traveling with two little dogs. Talk about cramped quarters. As far as I could tell, they were sleeping in the van each night and they said that they had been showering at the 24 Hour Fitness whenever they got a chance. You go, girls!

Though I don't love their style of music, they rocked pretty hard and put on a good show. The real props of the night go out to our bass player, Aaron, who despite becoming a father just six days earlier, still made it to the show.

Boyd K. Packer, the Mormon Pope?

For some reason, Stephen Colbert recently referred to Boyd K. Packer as the President of the LDS Church. After realizing the mistake, he came up with his own plan - Mormons should rise up and make it so.

Mormons UNITE!

A Little Shaky

We went to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point this weekend. Neither Paige nor her friend Lucy were very interested in the flowers, but they sure thought it was fun to run around on the hill. Paige had never really played on a hill so it was a fun new experience for her. As you can see, it proved to be a bit of a challenge.

Bring Your Kid to Work Day

It’s Bring Your Kid to Work Day today at the office. That means there are helpful signs posted everywhere, like the following:

Fitness Center – Where you would come to exercise
Front Lobby – Where the security people sit
Credit Union – Where you would come to cash a check

There was also a sign right next to my cubicle:

Spencer’s Cubicle – Where dreams come to die

This isn't McDonalds

Traci and I are in St. George right now, getting our vacation on. We just got back from eating dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant with our friend, Susie. She recommended the Gyro. Since most of my Greek food experience has taken place at the very classy Mad Greek fast food chain, I asked the waitress if the gyro came with French fries. She shook her head in disgust and said, "This isn't McDonald's." I passed on the gyro and chose the falafel. It was pretty good, but would have been better with some fries.

Manifesto Radio

After six frustrating hours, I have finally successfully (re)launched Manifesto Radio. If you look to the right side of the blog you will see a little flash MP3 player. Now you can sit in your depressing little cubicle and listen to some tunes without having to download or click anything after each song. You’re welcome.

Television Raising our Child

Months ago, Paige mastered waving goodbye. The wave is now accompanied by her only recognizable word, “da-die.” (It’s not bye-bye, exactly, but we were still pretty excited about it.) Paige only waves when she thinks someone is leaving – or when she thinks someone should be leaving – but she never waves hello. Well, she never waved hello. About a week ago Traci let her watch The Wiggles for the first time. She was hooked instantly. By day two she was waving to The Wiggles the second they came on the TV – with both hands. Did this translate into her waving to real human beings? No. She only waves to The Wiggles. The other night we were at my sister’s house. Surrounded by millions of toys, Paige spent the whole time clipping and unclipping a booster chair safety belt. Nothing could distract her from this task. She would stop periodically, however, to wave at The Wiggles on the TV.

No Way of Knowing

One of my favorite Creed moments...

iWoes

I just accidentally erased all 3300 songs off of my iPod. There is no emoticon to express what I am feeling right now.

Replaced by, well, nothing.

The second week after Traci and moved into our little house on Knollcrest Street, I was asked to fill in and lead the music in Priesthood meeting opening exercises. The next week I think they asked me again, and then the next week they just asked me with their eyes. Four years later I was still leading the music, the de facto chorister.

Each time I have received an additional calling (at one point I think I had three concurrently) I said, "So, do you think you could call somebody to lead the music in Priesthood?" Each time the bishopric said, "Yeah, sure." When I started holding Paige while leading the music, I guess they decided it really was time to get someone new.

So after four years of asking, they called a new guy to do the job a couple of months ago. I have noticed that he doesn't really show up very often. He was absent again yesterday so they just played the music sans chorister. And you know what, it worked just fine. So after my years of service I wasn't replaced by a human or a robot. I was replaced by nothing. By thin air. That's good for the old self esteem.

Shut Up You Face

Though the Simpsons has been rather disappointing for the past few seasons, the classics are still classics. Linguo, the grammar robot, is hi-larious!

Mehmet Okur Blues

"Why is Mehmet Okur the same age as me, yet he looks like he's 35?" Traci asked me at the Jazz game last night. Traci's love of books and numbers led her to read the game program, which led her to feel bad about her age. She was shocked when she saw how much older she is than a lot of the players - Deron Williams is only is 23, Paul Millsap is only 22.

While Traci spent the whole night feeling very concerned about this realization, it led to me to a great discovery - Memo's personal website. It is so super awesome that you have to register as a Memo fan to get to see some of the stuff, so of course I registered. Plus you can read it in both English and Turkish.

Traci asked me if Memo thinks it's pretty sweet to be a rich man in the U.S. I am sure he does, but judging by the looks of his Turkish supermodel wife, things were probably pretty good in the homeland as well.

Memo loves pictures. Here's one from his anniversary:



Check out those roses! Memo, you so romantic.

And that's not all. You could also have this Memo glamour shot as the wallpaper on your personal computer:

A Mole Problem

Every once in a while, when I'm feeling a bit blue about my job in the insurance biz, I turn to YouTube for a few laughs. Oh Arrested Development, please come back to us!

Would You Like Some Mormon History with Your Steak?

My friend Wix was in town last night, so we met up for dinner. He brought along a friend from Cincinnati, who was visiting Utah for the first time. I am assuming that Wix wanted to give the friend a bit of Utah culture, as we ate at Porter's Place in Lehi - a restaurant dedicated to the memory of Joseph Smith's sharp-shooting bodyguard Porter Rockwell. The highlight was a menu that included items such as the "Brigham Burger," the "Prophet Plate," and the "Orson Hyde." It was worth the trip for the novelty and for the Ironport old-fashioned cream soda which Wix accurately described as "the size of your head."

DV-R U Okay?

We had our first DVR mishap this week. The contraption holds 100 hours of TV, which seems like more TV than you'd ever record. Well, I guess I didn't take into consideration that when you tape three hours of MTV music videos every night (MTV only shows videos in the middle of the night, so I DVR 'em. Three hours of MTV only equates to six or seven videos and they're all Gwen Stefani.) it adds up quickly. When you surpass the 100-hour limit, it starts deleting your shows. Traci had taped all of the episodes of Extras, only to have them all deleted. She was not happy with me. Not happy. I lost a bunch of episodes of The Office and Ratt Behind the Music. But we're dealing. We cleaned out the DVR, canceled all of the stupid videos, and life begins again.

More Mormon Embarrassment

When Traci saw there was going to be a new show on MTV called "Engaged & Underage," about kids who are getting married who are under 21, she immediately said 'Oh, I'm sure there will be an episode about Mormons.' Sure enough, episode 8 featured a couple of Utah kids.

Chris and Amanda are both 19 and Mormon; Chris is a convert to the church. The plot of the story revolves around Chris's out of town family not understanding why they can't come to his temple marriage and Amanda being completely inconsiderate of their feelings.

Amanda spent most of the episode crying because she had to have a ring ceremony in addition to the temple ceremony. "As a little girl, I never dreamed of having a ring ceremony." Yeah, I never dreamed of being considerate of my in-laws when I was little, either.

Watch the whole episode here.

Baby 4-1-1

Paige needs a lot of information. At least that's all can determine by the fact that I just got a bill from T Mobile saying that we called 411 nine times during the past month. I didn't make the calls, Traci didn't make the calls. Paige loves to play with the cell phone. Sometimes she calls my friend Bert in Iowa at midnight, sometimes she calls my friend Arns in London. Apparently, she also calls the first name in the address book as well, 411. I just sent T Mobile $13.41 to say thank you for all of the information they provided my 16-month-old baby.

Upcoming Johnny Tightlips Show

Now basing our gigs around the impending arrival of Aaron's unborn child, our next show will be April 26 at the Solid Ground Cafe in Sandy. We're playing with three very cool groups, including girl punks Go Betty Go from Side One Dummy Records.

Go Betty Go
Calm Before the Crash
Abby Normal
Johnny Tightlips

Chef Boyar-Don

My mother is out of town, which means my dad has full reign of the kitchen. Last night I saw him put the following ingredients into a frying pan:

• Hamburger
• Onions
• Vegetable Beef Soup
  
• Mushrooms

Was he making a soup? A casserole? A sandwich? That's the great mystery of my father's cooking. It could be anything, really. Normally he would offer - nay, strongly encourage - me to partake in such a creation, but Traci and Paige were with me. He doesn't want to poison them. Just me.

Baby Updates

Paige in her "Rock DJ" pajamas. They came from the boy section at Old Navy, but come on, they've got headphones on the shirt and little cassette tapes on the pants. How could we pass them up?

So if you're like, what's up with Paige lately. Well, tons of stuff. Paige is currently into the following stuff:

• Opening and closing doors.
• Twisting lids on and off of stuff - especially stuff she's not supposed to be playing with e.g. toothpaste bottles, tubes of hydrocortisone, etc.
• Eating lotion. She'll be playing with the bottle and she'll get a little on her fingers. When she thinks I'm not looking, she'll hurry and stick her fingers in her mouth. Then she'll smile and me because she knows she's done something she's not supposed to.
• Running down the chapel aisles at church (yes, that's our kid).
• Standing by the back door and waiting with me and waiting for Traci to come in so we can jump out and scare her - and she's sooo scary.
• Growling.
  
• Eating Kraft Singles cheese.
• She really loves both of her grandmas.
• Turning lights on and off and on and off, forever.
  
• Brushing her teeth (well, holding the toothbrush in her mouth) and looking at herself in the mirror.

As you can see, Paige has a lot going on these days. You could try calling her, but she's probably already talking on her cell phone that's shaped like a cow, that moos when it rings. She's totally popular.

Devil Baby

Paige has four little teeth on the top of her mouth, and four on the bottom. Yesterday I was sitting on the couch, minding my own business, when she tottled over to me and climbed up on my lap. She wrapped her arms around me and buried her head in my chest. (Is that a sweet baby, or what?) And then she sunk those little eight teeth into my chest and didn’t let go. I now have a bruise exactly the size of a baby-sized mouth on my chest. She’s such a daddy’s girl.

February Consumption

Music

Peter Bjorn & John - Writer's Block
Alkaline Trio - Remains
Grizzly Bear - Yellow House
Kraftwerk - Computer World
Kraftwerk - Trans European Express
Bloc Party - A Weekend in the City
The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
The Rapture - Pieces of the People We Love

Books

Alternadad by Neal Pollack

Dunzo...The Day After

How I am supposed to feel? I'm just so confused and conflicted. Here it is, the day after the Series Finale of The OC and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. It all just happened so fast. Everything was going along and then, boom, Josh Schwartz and the boys had to find away to a wrap up the whole show right in the middle of an abbreviated season.

I was kind of hoping for a Seinfeldish bring-every-character-ever-back episode, but I guess they couldn’t figure out a way to fit Anna, Alex, Luke’s gay dad, nutso Oliver, Lindsay, and Volchek into one episode. (I was a mildly surprised that Marissa wasn’t resurrected for the final episode, if we’re being perfectly honest.)

It just seemed like any other episode – babies being delivered by a gay midwife, marriages happening/then not happening, etc. – and with five minutes left I thought the show was going to end with no real ending at all. That thought made me very upset.

And then came the epilogue clips. Seth marrying Summer, fine. Julie going to college, being supported by both Hercules and the Bullit, whatev. Sandy teaching school, hoorah. Ryan taking in a mini-me, lame. As cheesy as it was, this offered me some much-needed closure. I don’t have to spend the rest of my wondering what happened to my favorite fictional friends. Phew.

But I’m not ready to give it all just yet. Anyone want to join me for an OC DVD marathon next week? Paige’ll be there…

Death By Peanut Butter

I almost died. I think Traci was trying to poison me. My friend Internet told me the following:

FDA advised consumers not to eat any Peter Pan peanut butter purchased since May 2006 and not to eat Great Value peanut butter with a product code beginning with "2111" purchased since May 2006 because of risk of contamination with Salmonella Tennessee.

Peter Pan? But that's the kind of peanut butter Traci buys me. So I went home and checked the lid. Sure enough, 2111. So I've probably got salmonella, and I'll probably die. If I died, how could I go to scout camp this summer? Wait, I'm getting an idea...

Please Tupac, Don't Hurt 'Em

Oh, the wonderful world of cable. I have now shifted from my nostalgia for grunge to my love of '90s rap. Thanks to VH1's Black History Month programming, I watched "Tupac Resurrection" last week and I finished up the MC Hammer movie "Too Legit" tonight.

I thought I was familiar with the Hammer story, but I guess I stopped paying attention, you know, in the mid-90s. Did you know that Hammer signed to Death Row Records? Whah? I thought that the movie was lying, but Traci checked the facts (if you can call a visit to Wikipedia 'checking the facts).

From Wikipedia: "Hammer next signed with Death Row Records, then home to gangsta rap stars Snoop Dogg and Tupac Shakur. The label did not release any of Hammer's music while he was with them. However, Burrell [Hammer's real name] did record music with Shakur, and the album he recorded leaked onto the internet some years later. Their collaborative efforts are yet to be released. After the death of Shakur in 1996, Burrell left the record company."

Rumor has it that "Unconditional Luv," Hammer's track featuring Tupac is floating around out there in internetland, so I'll have to see if I can track it down. Again, Hammer on Death Row? Who knew?

Computer [Cruel] World

There's a pretty good chance that I deleted all of the work that we have done on the Johnny Tightlips album for the past year. For some reason, last night I decided it would be a good idea to back up all of the song files, which I've never done before.

Somehow, while trying to burn those files onto a DVD, I managed to ruin everything - without doing anything at all. Now all of the song titles are there, but each of the individual song parts (e.g. guitar 1, clip 1, fade in file, fade out file) have relocated themselves to one big folder. That means the rhythm guitar for "Record Store" and the drums for "Overdramatic Me" are just chilling in some folder and I'm (fingers crossed) going to have to try to patch everything back together.

I hate computers, even after listening to the super radical 1981 album "Computer World" by Kraftwerk last night. (Sample lyrics: "I'm the operator/With my pocket calculator." Sweet.) Thanks to all the beep-beep-boo-beep, I've been thinking in 1s and 0s all day.

Fare thee well, Orange County

There's only one episode of The OC left, and then it's dunzo. I'm just trying to keep it together up in here. I know this season was going to be disappointing the very first episode, when Ryan decided to deal with Marissa's death by joining a fight club, but I've hung in there. (That's more than I can say for my eternal companion, who keeps saying "This is why this show is being canceled...because it's stupid!)



I've stuck with The OC for four seasons. Heck, I was just 23 years old when Ryan first moved next door the Coopers. I've lived through Luke's gay dad, Marissa's drug-abusing psychopath boyfriend Oliver, the exit and return of cute Anna, Marissa's lesbian girlfriend Alex, Summer's boyfriend Zach and Seth's boyfriend Che. What am I going to do now? What am I going to do?

The Hills just isn't the same, and I think there's only a few episodes of The White Rapper Show left. First Arrested Development, now The OC? Fox Network, what have I done to deserve this?

Greetings from West Valley City

We took Paige to her first hockey game this past weekend, and it was a good one. There was a fight four seconds into the first period. Four seconds! That must have been a pretty intense face off. What I think is classy about the E-Center is that they play the theme song to Rocky while the fight is going on. By three minutes into the game, there had been another fight and the Grizzlies had scored a goal. What more could you ask for?

Paige seemed to have a good time. There was lots of stuff for her to look at and lots of lights to be dazzled by. She also had fun grabbing the lady's hair sitting in front of us. We'll probably buy season tickets and become hockey people.

New Favorite Band

Ever since I saw this Silversun Pickups video on IMF, I was hooked. For the first three-fourths of the video, I was surprised that it was about two young boys falling in love at a club, but it turns out one of the boys is just an androgynous girl. Phew, that was close! I can't stop loving the old school-Smashing Pumpkins fuzz guitar and the girl bass player. (Traci thought the girl was singing the whole time; the guy singer just has a high voice.)

I am listening to the album, Carnavas, right now. It is beautiful all the way through. Really, really good stuff.

Well Thought Out Twinkles [MP3]

Johnny Tightlips vs. Slayer

Slayer won. The club owner in Ogden said that there probably would have been another 15-20 kids at our show, had Slayer not been playing that night at the Great Saltair. With those 15-20 kids, there would have been close to 25 paying kids in the crowd.

From the moment that we got to the club, I knew it was going to be a good night. We walked in the front door and the guy running the show said, “Can I help you?”

“Uh, yeah, we’re with Johnny Tightlips.”

Awkward silence.

“We’re playing tonight.”

“Oh, you are? Huh. Well, we’ll rearrange the lineup and fit you in.”

Rock and roll is not exactly organized or efficient.

Though the crowd was sparse, we had a pretty good night at our first showing in Weber County. (We’re basically almost an international supergroup now that we’ve played in Summit, Weber and Salt Lake counties. Watch out Dagget County, you’re next!) Not that we necessarily played well.

I continue to be amazed by stage fright in all of its many forms. Though I have mostly gotten over playing in front of a crowd, I am still deathly embarrassed by having to tune my guitar in front of people. I absolutely hate it. Anyway, what surprised me the other night was that even though we have played all of these songs hundreds of times, the second we get in front of people we start forgetting things.

If you have never performed music in front of an audience, you might think that the musician is thinking about the music while he is playing. Not me. The second we start playing, my mind is everywhere – thinking about the people I’m looking at, wondering if House is going to be able to solve his next medical mystery, thinking about how I shouldn't have eaten so many peanutes before the show, etc. And then, POW! I remember I’m playing a song, and frantically start trying to figure out if it’s time to switch to the chorus or back to the verse.

We were playing “Record Store” on Tuesday night, the first song we ever worked on as a band. I’ve been playing for close to five years now. But when Danny’s drum intro finished up, I looked at my hands and said to them, “I have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing right now.” No idea. I knew there was a lead guitar part, but heck if I knew what it was. I muddled my way through it, then I skipped a chorus and played a guitar solo, and when we got to the part where the guitar solo was really supposed to happen, I just played the same thing again.

So it wasn’t really our best technical performance, but I still felt like it was a good show. It seemed like the handful of kids that were there were into it, which made it easy for us to be into it. Oh, and we’re getting better at covering up our many mistakes.

I talked to the club owner after our set. He said that they draw their biggest crowds with 8 Mile-style rap battles. He said on some nights they are getting upwards of 400 kids out for those shows. Because of my addiction to The White Rapper Show on VH1, I have now made it my number one goal to get my skillz together and enter a rap battle in Ogden. To practice, I will spend now until then insulting every person I see…and your mom, too.